IN love with married ex-boyfriend
I am a 36 year old woman, married for 13 years with 2 children. I need help on how to deal with my problem. I am in love with a married man who happens to be an ex-boyfriend (38 years old). We are so much compatible, have a lot in common and even have similar backgrounds. We have known each other for 20 years and for all these years I have been married we have been constantly in touch.
I have tried on several occasions to keep the distance from him over the years but its only for a short while and we get back together again. We have recently reconnected again and this time around things are getting a bit out of hand. I must explain that there was no apparent reason for our break up other than the fact that we lost contact when he left for college and I went to another college. I assumed that he had moved on, so I also moved on and met this guy at college (my husband) who proposed to me and I agreed to marry him. He is 9 years older than me and is a good father to my kids.
When my ex-bf returned from college, I discovered that my assumption was wrong, he was still madly in love with me and wanted us to be together. Unfortunately, it was little too late as I was getting married to another man and I did not know what to do about the situation. I decided to go ahead with the marriage, a decision I will regret for the rest of my life.
After I got married, my ex boyfriend impregnated another woman and married her after a few years. They now have two kids. My husband and I have had a fair share of rocky moments over the years but we are still together up to this time but I honestly feel that I am now doing this for the sake of the kids. I have tried my best that we engage in discussions about the issues affecting our marriage but the problem is that my husband is not open to communicating. This has led to a point where I told him that I am now giving up on us after having tried so hard for our marriage to improve. It has come to a point whereby I regret ever having gotten married because I now feel trapped.
I have fallen out of love with my husband and this happened even before I reconnected with my ex boyfriend. My ex married boyfriend has been telling me all the years I have been married, even before he got married, how much he loves me and that he never stopped and will never stop loving me and I believe him and I also feel the same way. I am head over heels in love with the man. I have forced myself to drift away from him over the years to concentrate on my marriage but I have failed. But I feel bad that I am cheating on my husband in this way, I feel I could just blurt it out and tell him everything. The way I feel and wish right now is to leave my husband so that he gets someone who deserves his love because I not worthy of his love.
I want out of the marriage not because I have hopes that my ex boyfriend would also leave his wife for me but I would like to be happy once again and live life to the fullest, life is too short.
I would appreciate your response and I need the advice so very much as to how I should handle this situation.