I am 28 years old and I have known this guy, who is 29 years old, for three years.  We started work together and have been friends ever since.  About 4-5 months ago, we became attracted to each other and kissed.  Ever since then we have kind of been in a relationship.  When I look back I think the attraction was always there.  The problem is that he has a girlfriend, who is 27 years old, and he has been dating her for about 6 years.  He proposed to her about 5 years ago, but they are not married.  We are both good people and never thought we would ever be in such a situation.  He is a great guy.  I love his personality and wit, and just the type of person he is.  He has told me that he loves me and I feel the same about him.  He has also told me that he doesn’t know where our relationship is heading but he would like to see where this goes.  He has told me he is not sure if he loves his girlfriend more as a friend or as a girlfriend.  I can understand why he is struggling with what to do about this situation.  He is scared and is afraid to take the chance in case it doesn’t work out.  At our age we can’t just take risks anymore.  I just want to know what the opinions on this situation are.

If you really love him, them let him know how you feel and back away.

But I don't see the love triangle. He's engaged and you're the mistress. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be engaged.

Sounds like you're his booty call on the side.

I will say control.He has been with her girlfriend for 6 years and have proposed her once, 6 years is pretty long so I guess his bond with his current girlfriend is pretty strong, if this guy were to take you in that menas he would have to let his current girlfriend go which ofc will be hurting his girlfriend and hurt the guy as well because he has to hurt a person he has spent time with for 6 years long.

As for my own opinion honestly this relationship will be tough, because if it is me I would consider about go into a relationship with someone who already has someone with them, because it is like letting them to choose between their partner and you and whoever they choose someone willl get hurt, and even if I were to be able to get together with this someone I still won't feel easy because it is like I am building my relationship with someone being sacrificed as foundation

He's not married, he has no kids that you mention. If he wants to pursue you than all he has to do is break up with his girlfriend. What's so hard about that?

You said he's afraid to take a risk? Well, isn't that nice for his girlfriend. She's the back up plan. He wants to date you while keeping her in the wings, just in case you're not what he's looking for.

What if he does end up leaving this girlfriend, and then decides he's not sure about you, does the same thing to you he's doing to his current girlfriend. Would that be okay with you?

This guy has to fish or cut bait. He can either stay with his current girlfriend, honor that commitment, or break up with her and start seeing you. He can't have both, and that shouldn't be an option.

I don't understand why people accept this sort of thing. Is there a shortage of men out there that women have to go around stealing what belongs to someone else?

I personally question the actions, and judgment, of those that get so carried away by intense feelings, they actually think lying, and cheating, and running around behind someone's back is okay. That's a lot of crap, and if you had any common sense, you would tell him to leave you alone while he does have a girl friend.

Anything less is desperate and stupid, in my opinion.

I think it's not fair that neither of you has asked the girlfriend how she feels about this.

If it's a "love triangle", then she gets equal say in what happens, don't you think?

So... the two of you should sit down with her, and explain how you all feel, and ask her how SHE would like to continue.

Oh wait--she'll probably kick his *** to the curb, keep everything they've accumulated in 6 years and you'll be left with a guy that you can't count on not cheating on YOU the way he cheated on HER when he gets bored again.

And at "your age", you have a lot of growing up to do. If you were in your 40s, my answer would be different, but you're all in your 20s--though I have to say you're ACTING like you're 15.

Here's a scenario that you may understand better.

I'm married, have been for 15 years.

Would you date my husband just because you want him? You like him? You may love him?

If so than it's time to get your moral compass checked. It's not working.

This is what you're doing right now. He's taken. He has a fiancé! He's committed to someone else and not man enough to break it off with her before he goes after you. Worse, you're letting him!

Morals and self respect. That's what you're lacking.

Am I being harsh? Yes! I'm just sick of all these "He has a girlfriend but I love him, and she has a boyfriend but I must have her" questions. Do parents no longer teach their children what's right and wrong? Is this why the divorce rate is so high? Where are the morals most of us grew up with? Where is the self respect? Where is just doing the right thing?

Just a tip for everyone. If the person you love is in a relationship than have a bit of decency and walk away. If he/she is doing it to someone else, they'll do it to you! If you lay with pigs you will get dirty and you deserve it!

Hi all,

The guy that I want to do No Contact with is someone that I work closely with.We have a number of projects together as well as before this situation we were good friends!So how do I do NC with this guy when we are at work?

Thanks

If its unavoidable keep the conversation to a minimum and only work related.

Be professional at all times, you don't have to be the ice queen to keep the distance, you're an adult who can handle a delicate situation,keep that foremost in your mind.