My boyfriend just moved out after I made some demands of him that I thought were reasonable,I asked that he 'd make an attempt 2 comply or that he should go-well he left & although we are still in contact I have sank so low as 2 beg him 2 come back home he refuses & says that I hurt him by kicking him out & that we need time & space etc. but that he still loves me- I miss him dearly and although things weren't perfect I want 2 work things out I want him to love me again I want him to see worth in me enough to want to make a couple of changes that would benefit us both as a couple my question is this how do I stop the inevitable breakup how can I get his love back -what do I need to do to not lose him & to get him 2 come back home if there is still love there I need advise:(

Well lesson learnt ,never nag a guy so much that you tell him to choose between to do this or go, because he will most probably GO.

Maybe you need to work on your communication skills with a guy, read some books on it.

Leave him alone for now , do not contact him in any way, let him miss you.

Positive rewarding experiences = enjoyment of another persons company, pre requisite for any relationship.

Negative experiences = Unwelcomed company, pushes others away.

STOP the negative, concentrate on the positive!!

(if you have to discuss the negative, put a positive slant on it. "You know if you did this this way it would make me feel better, as by doing it the way you are, you are making me feel bad)... As opposed to (Stop, doing that, you never listen or consider me)... nag nag nag, blah blah blah, broken record, why should I try to change...

See the difference ? Put yourself in the receiving situation. How soon before you would walk.


Now ACTIONS speak louder than words. Stop being negative, be poitive and emotionaly step back from the relationship. Remember how you were before you lived together and act like that now. Because whether you like it or not THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE NOW. Deal with it accordingly.

Every close relationship requires some changing and adapting by both parties. If either one does all the changing, or all the demanding for change, it won't last. It may be too late to save this relationship, but if it is, you'll have learned a valuable lesson for the next one. Back off and let him have time to miss you. It may not be too late, but it will take time.

I've been there girl but he never actually left. I'd say you're too late. You've hurt his feelings for sure. It's hard to tell someone to leave and never come back. This is the time you need to figure out what it is that you want in a relationship. What were your demands if you don't mind me asking? Spend some time with your girls. Show him that you're a better person and that this separtion will only make you stronger. He'll miss you! And when the time is right, you can ask him to move back in, but find some resolutions. You can't just keep kicking him out you know?

If he was unwilling to make changes that would make the relationship better, then he was just waiting for the opportunity to leave without it being "his fault". To me it sounds like he has no intentions of coming back and wants you to feel that it's all your fault.
I don't want to sound harsh, but Girl, you've got to stop making yourself look like a fool by begging.
Please, never beg.

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Originally Posted by MISSIBAYBE

I've been there girl but he never actually left. I'd say you're too late. You've hurt his feelings for sure. It's hard to tell someone to leave and never come back. This is the time you need to figure out what it is that you want in a relationship. What were your demands if you don't mind me asking? Spend some time with your girls. Show him that you're a better person and that this separtion will only make you stronger. He'll miss you! And when the time is right, you can ask him to move back in, but find some resolutions. You can't just keep kicking him out you know?!

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Thanks so much 4 replying well my demands were in no way unreasonable but then again that's just my opinion, he was not employed so all the financial burden was on me he is a musician & has thousands worth equipment this guy saw me almost hit rock bottom & instead of considering pawning or selling something in order 2 help me out it never crossed his mind' also our sex life is minimal I almost feel that I repulse him when in the past I've been told that I am a great lover he says it is because he's getting older -he's 38" & that he just doesn't have the sex drive he once had(whatever) I think they are all just excuses & I don't know what to think any more I love this guy very much & he says he loves me but his actions confuse me:confused: :confused:

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Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

If he was unwilling to make changes that would make the relationship better, then he was just waiting for the opportunity to leave without it being "his fault". To me it sounds like he has no intentions of coming back and wants you to feel that it's all your fault.
I don't want to sound harsh, but Girl, you've got to stop making yourself look like a fool by begging.
Please, never beg.

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You are so right looking at it now I must have seemed pathetic -thnx 4 replying read the response I wrote (missybye) I think he should have made an attempt 2 change these things he knew were really bothering me that is if he really loves me-instead he left says we need time & space etc? Leaves me wondering if I did make the right choice this guy is a grown man & I think he should know what he wants by now

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Originally Posted by rol

well lesson learnt ,never nag a guy so much that you tell him to choose between to do this or go, because he will most probably GO.

Maybe you need to work on your communciation skills with a guy, read some books on it.

Leave him alone for now , do not contact him in any way, let him miss you.

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I was not trying to be a nag' this guy doesn't want 2 grow up he wants to be @ home with mommy,hang out w/his frenz get drunk- I think he needs someone 2 tell him 2 grow up alredy & who better 2 do it then me than woman he supposedly loves' I am trrying 2 motivate him 2 want to be better I wonder if his prioritys are all mixed up... & how on earth will he miss me if he just sees me as the nagging that wants 2 rain on his parade? He says he loves me & wants to be monogamous but I think he wnts me to be the little girlfrend he visits when he's lonely no responsibility whatsoever-how convenient it must before him:rolleyes:

Any grown man who is not trying to keep a roof over his head and food on the table is a loser. Stop playing mommie and enabling him to be irresponsible. The good news is he is gone and you are free, so walk away with the burden of raising a 38 year old kid lifted from your shoulders. He will never change so get a man who is a MAN.

I agree with Tal. Exact sentiments. The guy should and is responsible for keeping a roof over his own head and food on the table. For somebody who is unable to do this will not be respected. Wow, Tal. Get a man who is a MAN. Stop raising a 38 year old kid. That pretty much says it all. Let him go. You will be better off.

Joe

I don't think you did anything wrong. He should have helped financially. The fact that he didn't even consider tells me a lot about his character. Any hard working, dedicated individual deserves more than a lazy, ungrateful spouse/partner. You can do better and deserve more.

Thank you all 4 yor replys & as the days go by my sadness is turning into anger @ him 4 taking me 4 granted after everything I did 4 this man & @ myself 4 even giving a dam yes he says he loves me but his actions tell me otherwise he is just telling me what I want 2 keep me on a string in case he doesn't find anything better when he's done sniffing around he sees no wrong in what he does & acts lyk I better kiss his before I lose him cause he is just so gr8' well I am beginning 2 c that maybe I did the right thing-he's out there living it up while I'm here crying over him I am fooling myself he's made no attempt 2 make it better he's showing me just how much I really meant to him & although I am lonely & I miss his company I need 2 move on it will take time cause I am so hurt but I will b OK

Unfortunately you sabotaged yourself by making "demands" of him. Whenever you give someone an ultimatum you've got to be prepared for the possibility that they'll choose the other alternative, which is evidently what your boyfriend did. And frankly, I don't blame him. No self-respecting man would give in to a girlfriend's "demands." If the alternative is to leave, that's what he'll do. You didn't elaborate as to just what these "demands" were that you made of him. Just how important were these issues? If he doesn't ever change them, of his own accord and not by you "demanding" that he do so, could you still live with him? If the answer to these questions is yes, then your best bet would be to offer him a sincere apology and assure him that you'll accept him just as he is, no strings attached. That's your best chance at possibly getting him back. If, on the other hand, the issues in question and the accompanying changes that you demanded of him are fundamentally important to you, then that's a sign that this is the wrong relationship for you.

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Originally Posted by glofly

i was not trying 2 b a nag' this guy doesnt want 2 grow up he wants 2 b @ home with mommy,hang out w/his frenz get drunk- i think he needs someone 2 tell him 2 grow up alredy & who better 2 do it then me than woman he suposedly loves' i am trrying 2 motivate him 2 want 2 b better i wonder if his prioritys r all mixed up...& how on earth will he miss me if he just sees me as the nagging that wants 2 rain on his parade? he says he loves me & wants 2 b monogamous but i think he jst wnts me 2 b the little girlfrend he visits when he's lonely no responsibility whatsoever-how convenient it must b 4 him:rolleyes:

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If all of this is true then it's time for you to be done with him and move on. Don't worry about getting him back, you're better off without him.

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Originally Posted by glofly

my boyfriend just moved out after i made some demands of him that i thought were reasonable,i asked that he 'd make an attempt 2 comply or that he should go-well he left & although we are still in contact i have sank so low as 2 beg him 2 come back home he refuses & says that i hurt him by kicking him out & that we need time & space etc. but that he still loves me- i miss him dearly and although things weren't perfect i want 2 work things out i want him to love me again i want him to see worth in me enough to want to make a couple of changes that would benefit us both as a couple my question is this how do i stop the inevitable breakup how can i get his love back -what do i need to do to not lose him & to get him 2 come back home if there is still love there i need advise:(

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He might have used your demands as an excuse because he is over you and didn't know how to tell you, r he may be cheating on you

If he does still love you he should beable to talk to you about what you did, lay low for a while and see if he comes back

Just stop with the begging never beg a man to come back if he wants to go let him go sooner or later he will relize that he miss you and still loves you and will come back.just think maybe this happen for a reason... to make your relationship stronger.because there's nothing wrong with what you said and that you just wanted him to make 2 attemps but you should have ask him do he want you to change to never make him feel less then a man show him you care about what he thinks too... ask him how he feel about the changes you want him to do.dont just tell him and assue there's no problem and he'll do it.BUT KEEP YOUR HEAD UP IT IS GOING TO BE OK