Hey guys, well its been a little bit since I've posted. I've been on day 10 of no contact and I'm pretty much past asking what I did wrong or what I can do to win her back. I'd just like to hear from people who have experienced a girl leaving them like they were the last person on earth when you thought no matter what you could work through anything. I guess when it goes it goes. But I know there's a lot of us out there who were left with a lot of unanswered questions for why things happened the way they did. If anyone feels the way I do hollar at me!

OK, so I'm not a guy but I'll provide some insight. Don't try to understand a woman, cause I don't even understand myself sometimes. We make things extremely complicated for ourselves which just reflects in our outward life. If she's gone, let her go. Don't degrade yourself and chase after her, game time is over. Move on to the next, I'm sure there will be another after the next, and so forth. In every relationship that fails, we take something with us . Learn from what went on and apply to all your "next" relationships.

I'm confused though... how did it end? What was said?

Karolina

Oh well that's all history now. Its over and that's all that matters. You can look me up if u want to know, you don't have to be a guy or girl to respond. Its just nice to see other people out there going through the same thing. This site bonds people together and makes them stronger.

Hiya,

Well as you probably know, I am a girl too. Pretty much the same happened to me. It is the analyzing that kills you. I would analyze day and night, things that happened a year ago, a year and a half ago - if only I had said this or done that. It is very waring. These thought eventually die down. You will go through many emotions. You will panic about the no contact now and again, but it is better for yourself. Any help I can give you, I will try.

All I can say is that after 2.5 months it starts to get a 'bit' better.

Helping others here also helps..

I'm on day 12. I'm mostly finding myself interested in other women. I'm not jumping into another relationship, but I've come to the conclusion that I didn't really do anything wrong that would warrant breaking up, and in the end its her loss. They usually come back in some form or another down the line, months, sometimes years, so just get going with your own thing. For now, it helps to imagine the look on her face when she tries to get back with me to find out I'm a millionare astronaut cowboy or whatever.

They say you shouldn't be concerned with her or be doing things to get her back, but in the stage we're at now, that's all we have to motivate us. Remember, the things that make you more attractive to her will make you more attractive to other, not so crazy women. Get in shape, learn to play an instrument, spend a month in Alaska living off the land. Do something.

I think you're in this position because you made this gal your life - BIG MISTAKE. You need other things in your life - she only part of it.

She's part of your life - NOT YOUR LIFE.

And I strongly disagree wit the others - you can get back together somethimes. But only if you were good to her - no verbal or physical abuse - no lying - NO CHEATING.

You need to keep up the no contact - work on yourself - make yourself better.

People do get back together all the time - I feel sad for a lot of stubborn women who don't give the good guys another chance after time. BUT, there are a lto of sick women out there who'd rather be with a jerk - who treats them badly.

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Originally Posted by rol

all i can say is that after 2.5 months it starts to get a 'bit' better.

Helping others here also helps..

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Hi copperhead, I feel for you and know what you are going through. I agree with Rol in that it does get a bit better in 2 - 3 months. I am around 4 1/2 months post breakup from a 3 year relationship. The first month was terrible and I try not to remember it but it really does get better.

Time is the key to getting through the emotional pain that a breakup causes, especially if you were the one that was left behind. At 4 1/2 months, I can tell you that I still get some down times and times where I just feel I have taken a step back but these times are more infrequent and not nearly as bad as they were 3 months ago. I am quite an emotional person and quite sensitive by nature so this was a big thing for me and really tested me. I just know that you and many others can get through it too.

You have the strength, you must embrace everything that makes you>>>YOU and ride this rollercoaster of emotions. It will be a challenge but you will be proud of yourself for facing up to it and dealing with it as best you can. Remain positive, get busy living, lean on your friends and family. I gather you are into sports from my previous contact with you... GREAT, and a perfect way to keep your mind off the ex and the breakup.

It is not easy and I expect you will have your slip ups and downtimes as well as the good days when you finally think it is all over, only to wake up the next morning feeling like the whole world is sucking you into a big black hole. Sounds scary but in fact, all this is quite normal and most, if not all experience feelings of helplessness and experience a spell of depression. You must try your best to fight it but also allow yourself to reasonably grieve and release any feelings of anger or sadness.

Things like this in life are there to test us and also to allow us to reach the one that we are really meant to be with and who will reciprocate the love that we deserve and appreciate us for who we are.

You'll be fine mate and I know you will get there, but it will take time. Like I have said before, I am still going through a process but I guarantee you 100% that it gets better with time. You'll see!!

Commenting on my previous "rate this answer" I meant TOTALLY AGREE!! Sorry Geoffersonairplaine:)

Hey guys, thanks for all the good advice. I was feeling pretty down last night and its great to talk to you guys about it and share experiences. Feeling a hell of a lot better today. I had a good bit of beer last night and I'm glad I didn't slip up and call her. Although I am pretty sure I did call every other woman in my phonebook lol. Hope you guys are having a great weekend! Thank u!

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Originally Posted by Karolina

OK, so I'm not a guy but I'll provide some insight. Don't try to understand a woman, cause I don't even understand myself sometimes. We make things extremely complicated for ourselves which just reflects in our outward life. If she's gone, let her go. Don't degrade yourself and chase after her, game time is over. Move on to the next, I'm sure there will be another after the next, and so forth. In every relationship that fails, we take something with us . Learn from what went on and apply to all your "next" relationships.

I'm confused though...how did it end? what was said?

Karolina

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Going back to the idea that when you're in an emotionally charged situation you are the worst judge of what's best for you, I find women have the nasty habit of believing they know themselves better than anybody else, when, in fact, I find pretty much everybody knows her better than she knows herself.

Sometimes they need to just distance themselves from the problem before they can solve it. Sometimes they distance themselves and find other ways to run away without ever solving it. Sometimes distance is the solution. Sometimes distance brings them to the solution that they want to be closer to you. It's been my experience that the pre-25 year old women tend to opt for distance to find a way to run away from the problem. Usually it ends up being a long time before they figure out what and who they're running from.

I've stopped trying to come up with excuses as to why men act in the way they do and it's best that guys stop trying to figure us women out. We can all be complicated in our own way.

Best thing is to be as open about what you're feeling, even if you don't know at that time and it's confusing just be honest about that. Yes, sometimes everyone needs some distance to sort things out.

Work on yourself, make yourself healthy, choose positive things and you will get yourself through anything.

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

Hey guys, well its been a little bit since I've posted. I've been on day 10 of no contact and I'm pretty much past asking what I did wrong or what I can do to win her back.

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So let's stop right there. Read that last sentence over again and see if you notice what I did. Your past asking what you did wrong and what you can do to get her back. That's progress. It may not feel like it but it is. You've reached some kind of acceptance. If you start to get on yourself, remind yourself that you have made some adjustments and your making them for the better.

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

I'd just like to hear from people who have experienced a girl leaving them like they were the last person on earth when you thought no matter what you could work through anything.

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The problem with most of us guys is we watch movies where that works all the time. Furthermore, were told by women that's what they want. A man who will talk to them and compunicate his feelings. In reality that is not what they want and it never works in real life, like it does the movies. That's why you can never give more than 50% in a relationship. If you give more than that, you start giving too much of yourself. If you give all of yourself, your left with nothing to give.

I've been where you're at. I would have given anything to have another chance with some of the women in my life. The funny thing is, years later when I look back, I'm really glad some of them broke up with me. Because now that I'm out of the emotional stage that your currently in, I can see what was really going on and in many cases how I was getting used or even how unhappy I was. That day will come for you too.

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Originally Posted by Copperhead6

I guess when it goes it goes. But I know theres alot of us out there who were left with alot of unanswered questions for why things happened the way they did. If anyone feels the way I do hollar at me!

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Sure. You always are going to question the unknown. But you can't answer the unknown so you've got to refocus, regroup and move forward in life. When the emotion wears off then look back and think about what might have happened. If you can't come up with an answer don't worry about. She's not worth it.

You survived day 10 and before you know it will have survived day 20, and then 30...

One day at a time. It's so hard, I know, we've all been there and we're living to tell about it. Geoff and Chuff are absolutely right. With guys like that helping you out, you can't go wrong.

Stay busy. Stay strong. We're here for the venting should you need it!

Congrats dude, instead of doing something dumb you stayed on the path and came here. Easy on the beers.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Congrats dude, instead of doing something dumb you stayed on the path and came here. Easy on the beers.

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I agree with tal here, nothing wrong with having a few beers with your friends but be careful!! When you feel down, alcohol can make you feel worse and alter your sense of good judgment. I drank in the first month and I think I was trying to numb the pain but it did not work and made me worse. I refrained from it for a good 2 months completely... The problem with alcohol and break ups is there is a risk of drunk dialing the ex. I was guilty of it a week after my break up and called her after a few drinks and tried to work it out and ask her to come back and work things out but it did not work and made things worse. You have been strong and not slipped up, but the chances that you might are high, so the best thing is to moderate your alcohol intake and only do it with friends.

Keep up with the sport and if you are not a member of a gym, perhaps join one. Exercise is a good release and will make you feel good too. You get some nice looking women in gyms too.. LOL

No.. seriously, keep up with your progress and be sure to talk here whenever you need to. I know there will be many ups and downs for you as there were for me and many, many others here, but I promise you it gets better..

I agree with Geoff, I avoided drinking too much too, because I thought it would make more upset. It seems to magnify peoples feelings, i.e. if they are happy, they will laugh more etc when drunk. Whereas if you are down, you could become even more upset. This is also another aspect.

Hey guys, thanks for all the great advice. I have been working out a lot and trying to cut down on drinking a ton. Even though I didn't drink too much to begin with. I received my first private phone call last night at like 1:30 in the morning. I didn't answer. Who knows who it was but I could imagine it would be the ex. Kind of made me feel good. Don't worry, you couldn't pay me a grand to call her right now! Im going hiking today. Hope you guys are having a great weekend!