Ask Me Help Desk - Should I leave him?

We have been together 7 years married 8. He drinks every night. When he drinks he has anger issues. He has never hurt me and never would but my past has left me scared and still get scared if he does drink. We always bicker, we hardly make love. He no longer cares about his appearance. We agreed we would never had children so eventually got a dog, she had puppies and agreed to keep 1. 6Mths later he says the dogs are doing his head in and they need to go. Its him or them. We have a lovely house and I have no were to go but I'm not happy. Should I go? I recently lost my job and would need somewere to live with my dogs. Who can help me? I jave never been in this situation before.

I don't know how many dogs you have, but it sounds like you should be looking for good homes for them, or selling them. It isn't likely that if you are considering leaving, that any rental will allow for multiple dogs. And if you are on your own, without a job, affording to maintain their care will be out of the quesiton.

As to your marriage, you are wondering if you should go or stay. Only you can answer that. If you decide to go, you should first have a plan in place, and that would start with your lawyer. Find out what you are entitled to, and what you will be responsible for.

If your husband is an alcoholic, and one with anger issues on top of that, and nothing has been addressed, until you make decisions one way or the other, or until he agrees to counselling or begins to help himself, your life won't likely change for the better.

You confused me from the get-go when you said you'd been together for 7 years and married 8, but that doesn't matter... my advice is still the same.

It seems to me that your husband is an alcoholic and is possible depressed.

You might get some family and friends together and try an intervention. Interventions can sometimes help get him to admit he has a problem. There is help available for the alcoholic who admits he's an alcoholic. But no power in the world can make him seek help if he's not ready. That's just the way it is.

Right now he's not a person you can make agreements with. He's not a person whose future is predictable at the moment. He is, at this moment in time, a hopeless alcoholic.

If he won't admit his problems and seek help, all you can do is save yourself and move on.

If I were you, I'd be looking for a new job and a place to move just in case you need it.

Perhaps having MORE sex with him wld increase his desire to get better, ask a friend to join as well, these thingould motivate him to either seek help, or be a better man

Quote:

Originally Posted by sffeathers

perhaps having MORE sex with him wld increase his desire to get better, ask a friend to join as well, these thingould motivate him to either seek help, or be a better man

I have to disagree with this advice.

Having more sex or inviting a 'friend' to participate is NOT going to solve any problems especially anger issues that manifest while he is drinking.

popstar, if you are still reading this thread, you might look into a support group like Al-anon (Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen). You also need to consult a lawyer and possibly look into getting counseling for yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sffeathers

perhaps having MORE sex with him wld increase his desire to get better, ask a friend to join as well, these thingould motivate him to either seek help, or be a better man

PFFT! Was this a serious answer? C'mon.

To the OP, listen, I'm going to level with you here for just a moment. I was in a loving relationship for 8 years with the "man of my dreams" until he started having anger issues. I too thought he would never lay a hand on me, well needless to say, he did. I left. Took my kids. Filed for divorce. End of story.

Now, I'm not trying to put all angry, drinking, men in the same category, but I would certainly have a back up plan. This isn't something to be taken lightly.

I have to agree with Jakes response with getting rid of the dogs. Sorry. You need to worry about YOU. Sure, see to it that your dogs go to a loving home, but focus on you.

Silly question, but have you ever thought about telling him how you feel without blaming him? Perhaps share with him that he, I don't know, SCARES you!