Ask Me Help Desk - Confused!

My boyfriend and I were together for a little over 5 months. We had an amazing relationship in the beginning. I knew he was the one and that we were going to be together forever, which is something that I have never felt before. I have a lot of issues with men, but him and I were perfect. Things started to go sour, and we started to argue a lot. Eventually he broke up with me, explaining that he needed time to fix himself and get his life on track and that he didn't want to bring me down with him. I was upset, but I accepted it and began to move on from it. Well, during Christmas he sends me a text wishing me a Merry Christmas, and then later that night he wanted to talk. So he calls and we have a pretty good conversation about things, and during the conversation he pushed us being friends, which he had asked me before but I had said no. After our discussion, I felt like giving a friendship a shot. It was going OK, until he started crossing the line. He keeps telling me that he misses me, and still loves me. Now he has told me he regrets breaking up with me and he should have never done it, and he wants us to work things out. I had to tell him no, which killed me. I want nothing more than to be with him, but he broke my heart, and I have my wall up. Im not sure if he actually misses me, or if he just wants to keep his hold on me. He says he feels horrible, and that he is very depressed, and that he has realized what he lost. I think he really is sorry, but I don't know if I gave him another chance if it would work. He broke up with me so that he could make changes to his life, but no one can do that in 3 weeks. Im not sure if I should give him another chance, and us try and work on things, or if I should just let him go. The situation is also complicated because I have a daughter (2 years old), so I don't want a man hopping in and out of my life. How do I know that he won't break my heart again? Please help! Thanks!

Ridiculously Confused

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashley233

Eventually he broke up with me, explaining that he needed time to fix himself and get his life on track and that he didnt want to bring me down with him.

A committed couple does not "break up" in order to fix things. They stay together and slog through all the ups and downs (especially the downs) together. That's why marriage was invented, to join couples in a bond that neither one of them can break easily with some limp excuse.

If you take a chance on him again, it should be with the understanding that both of you are in this for the long haul, and neither will cut and run at the first dark cloud. What if he had surgery and ended up in a wheelchair for the rest of his life? Would you leave him? What if you fell apart in a horrible depression? Would he leave you?

Would the two of you consider couples counseling? -- or both of you seek individual counseling?

You say you know he's the one and that you knew when you got with him you'd be together forever... maybe you where right? OK so he broke your heart once but if you feel he is genuinely sorry then only you can get your answer, if you don't give him another chance will you be asking yourself for the rest of your days "what if"? Only you can find out if it's the right choice by taking a risk, take it slow, as slow as you want, don't let him pressure you, after all he did break your heart. But men are different, I do agree with wondergirl about the marriage thing, its spot on but in reality he couldn't handle something and he went about it the wrong way but he did come back and he expressed his sorry, he needs to be fully aware that your not quite over the last time and he needs some set rules when or if he ever needs to "fix" things in his life.

Sorry as a guy, I just can't by that get his self together deal. It sounds more like what he had planned didn't work, and if you weren't a part of the picture then, don't be in it now. Your walls are up to protect you because the cheap talk ain't working, and there should be no reason for you to rush back into his arms because you really don't know what he was up to before, or his issues that made breaking up his best option.

By the way, most relationships are amazing at first. But when the work starts, is when you know if it has possibilities or not. Besides never make a big decision while you are confused, take time to think, and get some facts, before you jump back into this, without his influence. To many unanswered questions for me. But that's just me.

I have to agree with Tal. "Getting himself together" is just bull. I would think that he's definitely had something else in mind that didn't work out.

Don't allow yourself to be the "good ole girl" that's always there waiting on him when things don't go the way he plans.

You're right, you need to consider yourself and most of all, your little one.

I aqree stronqlyyy !

If your doubtinq what you should do , don't do it until your not doubtinq it .