I don't even know where to start with this one. Well... two days ago my hubby told me there was something I need to know and that he couldn't keep it from me anymore. He told me that before we got married that he had had some flings with 3 guys! Only had oral with two of them but went further with the other one, but he is still a virgin because he didn't let that guy penetrate him. I just didn't know what the hell to think after hearing that... never in a thousand years would I have ever expected him to say something like that and as you can imagine I totally didn't know how to respond to him but stare in shock. He told me that he wasn't gay or bi and all he wanted was to do a bit exploring since he was curious and that no one other than me knows about it and that he didn't tell me all this time because he thought that I'll leave him if ever I found out. What the hell? I mean really... how can a straight guy have sex with 3 guys just because he was curious? I don't get it. But the thing is... he had never given any clue as for me to suspect that he was gay or bi. He acts totally normal. While in collage he was into rugby, basketball and all that... and he's a real tough guy who won't take **** form anyone. I just don't know what to think anymore. He had always been dating girls... I was his 4th girlfriend. Some of his friends even joke calling him a womaniser because he's totally into girls. So even his friends haven't suspected anything. He's a very good-looking guy who always makes girls stare to a point were I feel uneasy. Can someone straight have sex with guys? He told me that he was/is not attracted to guys and that he really loves me a lot and he had never cheated on me with a guy/girl ever since we got together. But another thing that buggs me is... he said the guy who he "went a little further than oral" is on his friends list on fb and he still chats with him but that's about it. So I asked him to show me this guy which he did, and that guy is cute which made me worry even more. What if he's secretly bi/gay and he creeps behind my back. Am so paranoid... we haven't had the best relationship since am a very insecure person due to childhood problems and we've always argued about other girls... and now am worried about him getting with guys! Other than that... my hubby is really good to me and our 3yr old son. Takes us shopping and spends time with us when ever he's free. So was it just his curiosity which made him get with those guys or is there more? Am not someone who's against gays or bi people... am freaked out that my hubby could be one. I mean I just don't know how am going to handle it. Bdw he's 24 and am 22. He's very loving towards me and hugs/kisses me whenever we're together and our sex life is really great as well... that's why it's so hard for me to figure this out. Thanks a lot to everyone who read through this... it turned out to be a very long post.

I assume from your ages that you haven't been married very long, and his three flings were just before you married him, so it is still something that happened fairly recently.

Why do you think that he told you in the first place. I would be surprised too, if my new husband told me about sexual flings just prior to marriage, with other men.

As to what the possible meaning of this is, may yet be discovered. Something motivated him past the point of curiosity, or he would have stopped after the first time, particularly since he had no trouble attracting women. He chose to have sex with other men, and whether it's 'just' curiosity', or there is more to his 'confession', still needs to be worked through.

He likely didn't tell you, because you would have had second thoughts about marrying him in the first place.

Which brings us back to why tell now. With one of the sexual partners on his Facebook, perhaps he is worried that you will eventually find out.

If you need to know to satisfy yourself that he isn't bi or gay, and that you have the whole truth, it might be worth considering a marriage counsellor to work through this.

I agree with Jake--who knows why he waited to tell you about these flings.

However, he took a huge chance telling you about these flings. He obviously feels that he can trust you with such a secret. He must of felt that you of all people wouldn't condem him for those choices. He might of know that you would be shocked, and even wonder why he would have made those choices, but bottom line here he still trusted you to tell you. Should he of told you before you married? Actually he didn't have to ever say anything about it to you, it is something that happened before you, so had nothing to do with you. Just like your previous sexual choices are yours alone, not to be judged by him.

Maybe he was curious and that led to first encounter, and he enjoyed it, so led to the other ones. So maybe he would be considered bi. He obviously meet you fell head over heels in love, married you and by your own words treats you very well, shows loves,affection, and love towards your child.

If you had a girlfriend and she told you that she made out with another girl, and went almost all the way, but still feel in love with man and has a good marriage. Would you question her abilitiy to still be committed to her husband, and remain true to him. Even though she had chosen to experiment with woman, even more then one, but decided that wasn't what she wanted. Its same with your husband, are you more willing to worry and judge his past because of him being a man.

I am just putting that question out there, please believe me Iam not trying to judge you! There seems to be questions that you need to be asking him, and going to counseling might be the place to feel comfortable asking those. Good luck!!

I think the first thing to do is get over the shock of the news you have heard, and as the emotional dust settles, form the questions you have in your mind to help you understand what needs to be talked about. Coolly, calmly, and rationally.

Hard to even know how you feel yet, while in shock. Just take your time as you work through this, because as you say, he treats you with love, and respect, and seems to be with honest, because whatever his reasons to share this with you, it was at a risk he decided to take. That's a good sign for my money.

The last thing you need is to make a decision made from being carried away by intense feelings brought on by the shock of the news you have received. Just work slowly through this, to get facts so the confusion does not hurt you. Take all the time you need to understand, and be willing to get all the help you need if its to big for you.