I am a virgin at 20 and I'm completely not ashamed to admit it. My only problem is that I have only what knowledge I learned in Google as I was bored. I know what the body does during an orgasm and why a **** gets hard and other such minutiae which is fun to learn but not practical in bed.
That leads to two questions. I have a friend what I'm generally fooling around with right now, entirely consensual, he knows it doesn't mean jack to me, and I'm pretty sure I have a good working knowledge of what's supposed to go down. However, when I go down on him he'll get hard for only a moment and then he's suddenly soft again and I'm working from scratch. Is that usually what happens, am I doing something wrong, or is this just a quirk of his?
My second is that I don't like him touching me down there at all! It's odd, I can have fun by myself, and I get some niceness out of just plain rutting but him actively using his fingers or going down on me himself does nothing. On top of that, I have no desire whatsoever for *true* intercourse. Is this normal? I mean, even the toy I bought a while back does nothing for me.

How old is he? And is he overly stressed out?

It could be entirely possible that he wants MORE than just fooling around. Is he ready to take it to the next level? Are you? Perhaps you could talk to him? It sounds like he may be more experienced than you are and perhaps he would be willing to help you through it. We can only offer so much with our words here on the messageboard. He could explain and show so much more in person.

But please make sure it is something YOU want before taking that step. You shold never feel pressured to make someone else happy with sex or anything of the like

He's 21, and he does want more, has from the get go. He says the flux is regular. That could be what's up then? Problem, I like making him feel good but I don't like it going both ways. And I def don't want intercourse. Is there nothing to fix that?

If you have a clean bill of health and aren't on any medications including birth control that can affect your libido, then:

The very simple answer is that you are playing at being sexual without feeling it. You haven't found your own sexuality and I don't think you are going to playing games with this male.

Toys are not going to stimulate you if you aren't into being stimulated. It all begins in your mind. What turns you on? What do you fantasize about?

When you masturbate, do you pick up a toy and 'get it over' or do you run your hands over your body and think about a secluded cabin in the woods with a 'perfect' partner?

Erotica in all of its forms (pictures, books, stories, poems, hard-core porn, etc.) can be a way to explore what mentally makes you want to be touched on an intimate level. Romance books, movies, music, etc. can be just as stimulating if you let them.

As for him, there are many reasons for his inability to keep an erection including not being stimulated enough mentally/visually, health issues, medications, self-medicating (drugs and alcohol use), stress, exhaustion, wanting more in the way of a relationship, wanting to give as much as receive, etc. You would have to have an open and upfront conversation about arousal with him to know what his issues are.

You sound like two inexperienced kids, experimenting and exploring. Not from lust, or a caring connection, but of curiosity and convenience. Its more a game like cards, without true feelings that fuel the emotions, and get the juices going.

I would say this is normal for young teens to behave this way, but don't know about healthy adults.

But what are virgins supposed to do??

Honey, if you're "going down" on your boyfriend, you're not a virgin anymore. Oral sex is sex. It has many of the same risks as vaginal sex. The only risk it doesn't include is pregnancy.

If your boyfriend can't stay hard consistently during a blow job either you're accidentally using your teeth or he has a problem (aka erectile disfunction). Have him talk to his urologist.

You should also consult a gynocologist to see if the blood is flowing to all the right parts. I also agree with the commenters who say you might have a mental block that is preventing you from feeling pleasure. Note that many women do require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so it's not all that unusual for you to enjoy touching yourself but not enjoy the feeling of a toy penetrating your vagina.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Besuki

Honey, if you're "going down" on your boyfriend, you're not a virgin anymore. Oral sex is sex. It has many of the same risks as vaginal sex. The only risk it doesn't include is pregnancy.

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I have to disagree with part of the quoted advice. While I do consider oral sex to be sex, telling a female she is not a 'virgin' because she preforms oral sex on her boyfriend is inaccurate. While many debates have and will occur over at point a woman is no longer a virgin, most seem agree that (in heterosexual sex) it does include penetration of the vagina by the penis.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

While many debates have and will occur over at point a woman is no longer a virgin, most seem agree that (in heterosexual sex) it does include penetration of the vagina by the penis.

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That's why oral sex has gotten to be so popular in high schools and even middle schools -- "it isn't really sex" (thus, no loss of virginity) and the girl can't get pregnant.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's why oral sex has gotten to be so popular in high schools and even middle schools -- "it isn't really sex" (thus, no loss of virginity) and the girl can't get pregnant.

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Yeah... but try that excuse on your wife and find out what really is sex or not.

(no I haven't, actually)

But STD's can be and are transmitted in that manner all the time. Its not 100% safe.

STICK to the topic at hand.

If you want to discuss the definition of virginity, please start another thread.

THIS thread is for answering the OP's questions about her sexuality, not about whether she is accurately a virgin.