Before you start yelling at me and telling me to break it off immediately, let me just remind you that we are indeed teenagers. We have teenage level hormones, which can be bad in some cases.

So let me tell you a bit about us:


I am 16, and he is 15.

My boyfriend has been kind enough to tell me that he has in fact had sex before. It never really bothered me before, but last night, we had a conversation (a rather open one, I might add) about sex. When we first got together, I told him about my vow of abstinence. Yet even still, we got to that topic last night...


He is really adamant about having sex, but he says he'll respect my decision if I say no. How do I break it to him, WITHOUT losing him, that I do not feel at all comfortable with the idea of premarital sex?

Please remember, I came here to ask for advice, not to get yelled at.

You tell him what you just told us. You don't want to have sex before marriage.

If he tries to use pressure or other methods to get you change your mind, then you know that he isn't the boyfriend for you. If he is willing to end your relationship, because you won't have sex with him, then you are better off without him because he is the one who isn't using his brain.

You don't want a lecture, but here a short one anyway: Hormones at any age are not an excuse for doing stupid things. I think you understand that, but if your boyfriend doesn't he needs to before he becomes a sixteen year old father.

There is absolutely no form of birth control/contraceptive that is 100% effective short of removal of the reproductive system. Myself and several others who regularly post here have first hand knowledge of the failure rate of the different forms. So, you are very intelligent for wanting to wait until you are settled in life to even take the chance on getting pregnant.

Keep being honest with him. Stay true to your own Beliefs.

If he said he will respect your decision then there should be no problem telling him,if he breaks it off then you know he only wanted sex,if he stays then you know he likes you for you and not that he can have sex.

Having sex is a big decision,one not to be taken lightly,fair play to you for sticking to what you believe in.

I'm not going to lecture you,but perhaps give you a few facts that may seal in your mind your decision.

1. no contraception is 100% safe,except of course absentince.

2. he's 15 and under age,depending on where you are in the world YOU could get into a world of trouble if you have sex.

3. he has had sex before,in this day and age,std/sti's are rampant,no one is immune,adults and teens alike.
Did he use condoms?

4. sex makes babies, (I know you know that) so in saying that, he is prepared to father a baby at 15? no,didn't think so.

So going back to you question,stick with your decision,be your own women,and don't let anyone ever sway you from your moral or ethical beliefs.

First off - it's perfectly okay NOT to have sex. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't feel ready to have sex. There are other ways to be close, like kissing, cuddling and holding each other.

Tell him again that you're not ready! If he keeps pressuring you, then he's not worth your time and certainly not worth having sex with. If he truly respects you & your boundaries, he will lay off until you're ready to take that step with him. Otherwise, he's just after sex.

Don't let him pressure or sweet-talk you into anything. If he threatens to dump you over not having sex with him, or that you're not a good girlfriend if you don't have sex with him, then kick him to the curb. He's not worth it.

You've made a wise decision to not have sex!!


Good luck

You sound very mature and proud of your decisions. I am very impressed with such maturity for your age! Just stick to your beliefs, explain to your boyfriend the way you feel exactly like you did in your post! Good luck

Just tell him you don't want to have sex just yet because you made a val that you would not have sex before marriage. If he respects you for it then he is a keeper, if not then he isn't worth your time!

There's a great expression about virtue untested, meaning that it's easy to be virtuous when temptation doesn't come knocking. It's knocking love, and it just means your values are being put to the test. If you let him persuade you to have sex when you feel it's not right for you, then you will definitely feel deeply unsettled with the decision. He is asking you to compromise your core values about what you believe is the right way to conduct yourself.

Remember you're young and when we're young we often don't think through the long-term consequences of spontaneous decisions.

sorry I meant to say that respecting you is actually all about respecting your values!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FishieChan

My boyfriend wants to have sex, but I don't think we're ready...

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Then don't do it.

If you feel any sort of pressure to do something that you're uncomfortable with, then you're not in a healthy relationship anyway, regardless of your fear of losing him. If he can't handle it, then he's not good for you.

First I'm going to say there is nothing in your question to yell about. You presented your question reasonably and you deserve a reasonable answer.

However, I do have an issue with your dictating how we respond. This is a risk you take when you use a site like this. As long as the response does not violate our rules, it is valid. If it violates our rules, report it. If you don't like it, ignore it. If you want to disagree with it, feel free to do so as long as you don't violate the rules in doing so. But don't presume to tell us how we can or can't respond.

I am well aware of teenage hormones. But that doesn't mean they can't be controlled. I was just reading an article about teen age pregnancies which stated that some areas of the world have pregnancy rates of less than 5 per THOUSAND teenage girls. So clearly the hormones can be controlled.

Another thing you failed to mention is how long you have been together. That should be a large part of your decision. Sex is not a recreational sport. Its something to be shared between two people who have committed to each other over a long term relationship. And sexual intercourse should not be engaged in unless you both are ready to have a child. No form of birth control is 100%, but even if and when you do decide to engage in sexual intercourse make sure you protect yourself.

Finally, the one thing that bothers me is your statement "he is really adamant about having sex". What he should be adamant about is protecting you and your feelings, not his hormonal urges. If anyone deserves to be yelled at it is him.