Ask Me Help Desk - What should I do?

What should I do?

I Have been messing around with this guy sexually, and he is 37, and I am 19. The thing is the fact that he is my mama friend, and I told her about me and him and she thinks that I made a huge mistake. Like I really didn't think too much about me, and him just being **** buddies but it just happen. I was attracted to him, and this is how things turned out. Then on top of that I got feelings for him. Like the sex is so great. I never messed with someone more than 5 years older than me, and I don't know what to do.

Please help.

So... whats your question hon?

You are 19. Make a decision. Nothing wrong with sex buddies. And as sucky as it is for her, your mother doesn't HAVE to condone any relationship of yours.

If you are unhappy, put a stop to it. If you are enjoying it, keep at it. If you want more, TELL HIM.

COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION

Hehe did I say it enough? :)

Have you asked your mother why she thinks it is a huge mistake? What does she know about his past and personality that you don't or are overlooking?

How long have you known him?

How good it feels is only one aspect of a sexual relationship. Being able to communicate about such things as birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, the relationship, possible pregnancy (no form of birth control is 100% effective as many of us on this site are very well aware of), etc. is a very large part of it. Bed Buddies who can't or won't communicate usually end up making the biggest mistakes.

So, what are you really wanting?

Just keep your heart guarded. You are young and still have a lot to learn about this crazy world.

Make sure he is not using you for sex.

I for one don't believe I sex buddies. I'm not judging though. For me, I get to involved in the connection, which makes me vulnerable, so sex buddies wouldn't work, and I know this.

If you can handle it, well to each his own, but if you think that you will become too involved/to attached, then it may not be a good idea.

I don't see a 37 year old committing to a 19 year old. It has been known to happen, but it's a rarity.

That's just my opinion.

It is the feelings that are the issue, most likely you are just a young thing he was lucky enough to "score" with and has bragged to all his older buddies about.

I doubt he is considering you for a wife or long term commitment, so what are you looking for in life,

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

so...whats your question hon??

you are 19. make a decision. nothing wrong with sex buddies. and as sucky as it is for her, your mother doesnt HAVE to condone any relationship of yours.

hehe did i say it enough? :)

Thank youuuuu

A 37 year old man has no business messing around with a 19 year old teenager.

You have no business having sex with a 37 year old man. You should know better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Have you asked your mother why she thinks it is a huge mistake? What does she know about his past and personality that you don't or are overlooking?

How long have you known him?

How good it feels is only one aspect of a sexual relationship. Being able to communicate about such things as birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, the relationship, possible pregnancy (no form of birth control is 100% effective as many of us on this site are very well aware of), etc. is a very large part of it. Bed Buddies who can't or won't communicate usually end up making the biggest mistakes.

So, what are you really wanting?

Thank you for the advice. Honestly I don't know what I want

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

A 37 year old man has no business messing around with a 19 year old teenager.

You have no business having sex with a 37 year old man. You should know better.

Lol wow umm,, :eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolateemamii

lol wow umm,,,:eek:

Jake is absolutely correct. I see no good coming out of this. I see hurt. You, not him.

Just play it safe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Jake is absolutely correct. I see no good coming out of this. I see hurt. You, not him.

Just play it safe.

Thanks, I am going to just leave him alone :)

I'm not sure why a 19 year old should have nothing to do with a 37 year old .they are both adults. If she gets hurt, she will learn from it. But it is HER choice to take that chance or not. Without taking chances you will never find that special someone. I have known plenty of adults who's age barrier was even larger than this and it was true love that lasted a lifetime. My grandmother was 58 when she died. Her husband was 72. They were together for 40 years (she was 18 and he was 30)

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolateemamii

thanks, I am going to just leave him alone :)

So long as that is YOUR decision hon. :) good luck!

And please, for future reference: NO CHAT SPEAK.

Please type the words out, and speak and type like an adult. This is an ADULT forum, and chat speak makes me think that you are 14 and lying about your age.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

im not sure why a 19 year old should have nothing to do with a 37 year old .they are both adults.

Legally they are both adults. But not mentally. A 19 year old is still ten feet tall and bullet proof. A 37 year old should be more mature.

Most likely he is bragging to his friends how he bedded a teen girl. Yes, 19 is still a teenager.

I have to agree with J-9. When you are ten years older you are going to understand what we are telling you.

The day you turn 18 your might legally be considered an adult... but you aren't suddenly bestowed with adult maturity and wiseness at the same time... those are earned and some people take a lot longer to earn them than others...

You may have participated, but I don't doubt he had a more aggressive role in this than you might think. There is a big enough difference he could easily have had a child your age. So while you both had a hand in this... he actually had a bigger part. There is a HUGE difference emotionally, intellectually and in maturity between 19 and 25, much less 19 and 37.

Thank you guys for all of the advice. I really appreciate it, because this is a hard situation for me. :D

Chocolate, you will learn, with time, that no relationship starts with sex, and if it does, sex is not enough to build upon anything. Sex just 'doesn't happen', it is a choice you make whether to be intimate with someone, and the consequence to that choice, are situations that you find yourself in now.

The older man aside, the plus side of all of this as I see it, is that you have a conscience, you are concerned about what has happened, and you want to know what to do.

You've already canned the inappropriate relationship with the older man.

Now use this experience to set some personal standards for yourself. One might be putting sex at the bottom of the list, after friendship, learning about a new person in your life, what their character is like, what their hopes and dreams are, how they treat other people. How reliable they are, and honest, and what they are looking for in a relationship. Think of any new boyfriend in your life with as much thought as you would at least put into buying a new car. All the detail that goes into making a big investment, is worth the time to consider the entire package.

If your standards are high enough, you won't settle for those that don't meet them, and compromise yourself , in order to be in a position where you are being used.