My husband left me with 2 young children 6 months ago. He made sure I knew that he would never return and that I will have to move on. Devastated that he left, I had no choice but to get out of bed and start a new life for my kids by moving suburbs and getting a good job. Four months later a wonderful man came into my life, sincere, caring kind man who truly loved me. I had strong feelings for him too. Then my husband found out that I had started seeing someone and was furious and said that I was a whore and that I don't care about the children's feelings and basically made me feel terrible. And kept bringing up the fact that we are still married and that I am still his wife and I can't be seeing someone else as I'm committing adultry, which I can understand. He also slept with a women after we separated too. He confessed to me because he said that he regrets leaving and he loves me so much and can't live without me and wants to work on our marriage. I feel the same about him, I love him so much he's the father of my darling children and Wev been together 8 yrs and married for four. But I've started another relationship with an amazing man who I feel deeply for and could give me a very good and happy life. I've met all his family who love me and his step daughter he still has visitation with. I don't know weather to repeat history with the man I married and still in love with or move on with life with someone else who adores me. They both know how I feel and are fighting for me. It's a huge pressure to have two men begging you to pick them. I feel awful and hate hurting both of them but I really really don't know which one to choose. Please help, I'm desperate, all I do is think about it. But it's crunch time because they both gave ultimatums so I have to choose now! FYI I'm 24, husband is 26 and new man is 30.

I would say

You did no need to be in a new relationship 4 months after husband left, you need time to be over him.

Have you filed for divorce, if not why ?

The fact you can't be sure, means you are not ready for the new relationshp, but also, the only reason the ex is back is that you were moving on, once you leave him, most likely husband will be gone again also.

You have not addressed why husband left to start with.

And time for the men to stop demanding anything and you to start telling them what you want and what you want to do

The biggest thing that throws me off here is the fact they have both given you an ultimatum. To me this doesn't show true love nor caring in the least.

If this second man adored you as much as you think he would give you the time he knows you need to get over your ex and move on. Pressuring you 4 months later is outrageous and inconciderate.

Your husband wants you back because you've moved on. If he can't be with you no one can. That is his mentality IMO. Maybe he does want you back, but are you convinced it won't happen again, and again, and again. Think of you and your children's best interest here!

Thanks for your advice. I know definitely that I should never have started a relationship so soon, but also didn't realize how quickly a relationship can happen, it spiraled.
Haven't filed for divorce because in australia you have to be separated for a year until you can file for divorce.
I know I'm not ready but the other man puts the pressure on. I want to be single for a while until I sort out my head but they both refuse me that.
And the reason he left is a big one... We were happily married but our sex life was suffering, a lot, so to spice things up we started chatting to other couples, not with any intent, just to chat. But I foolishly gav a guy my number for what reason I don't know, a massive error of judgment. And he was furious as you would be, so he left.
Although I did the wrong thing I never intended to cheat on him or cause harm but I've learnt that that's not an acceptable excuse. But I still feel a lot of resentment that he left me with two little kids to look after by myself and not even try to fix what went wrong. I feel like he threw our marriage aside so he could go out partying and do his own thing, which was true for the first few months. So I saw he had moved on so I did too.
A lot of people have said it sounds like he was looking for an excuse to leave. I have looked passed a lot of awful similar things that he has done to me in the past, as I'm not a very jealous person, that's why I feel it's a bit unfair on me too.
Either way there would be a huge amount of work to be done on our marriage to mend it. And I don't even know if we can fix it at this point. That's why I wonder if we should just go our separate ways, but the love I have for him makes me hesitate. Does love conquer all?

Yes he has left many times before this also, but had settled down after marriage. If I get back and he leaves again, the kids will b older an it will hurt them more, but they deserve their mum an dad together too. So hard :(

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Originally Posted by LittleL_J5

Yes he has left many times before this also, but had settled down after marriage. If I get back and he leaves again, the kids will b older an it wil hurt them more, but they deserve their mum an dad together too. So hard :(

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They do not deserve a mom and dad together who act like this. Coming and going, not knowing when daddy will be home, if ever. They do not deserve that at all. It's either get back together and mend things or leave for good. This is no longer about just you but your children as well.

This is how I feel. Being in a relationship previously that ended the same way, then he got jealous and wanted to come back when I moved on. DO NOT go back to him. HE left you right? He was with someone else and he will always think that was OK and you moving on was not. I do think you need more time, that you shouldn't be in a relationship with this new guy so soon. IF he is so wonderful, he will wait on you to get a divorce. You should do that for you children's sake. Don't bend the rules for the sake of love. And don't get back with the x for your kids. They will never benefit from your fighting/or not getting along. Just give it all time, and it will all work out. Be YOU, you don't need a man in your life right now. Focus on your children and the fact that their dad is out of the picture. It might be affecting them more than you know. THEN move on.