My ex broke up with me a few months ago with the, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line after almost year and a half of a very serious relationship. Which is one of the hardest things to hear during a break up that seems like to me and others, was heading to the alter. To know that you are madly in love with someone and they don't feel the same. I am still going through the process and somewhat final stages of break up that they talk about and have began to put myself out there and date again. The little contact that I have had with my ex has been good for the most part and hasn't made me backtrack emotionally in my recovery process. We are friends and talk on a somewhat regular basis.( I understand some peoples opinions on this but the point of the non friendship with exes are many, and one would be if I was backtracking or not healing and I am OK believe it or not!) But my ex HAS made some very telling and obviously jealous remarks at me moving on. My ex has not starting dating again and said they have no plans to do so anytime soon.

I have never ever personally fallen out of love with someone I was currently dating. After a relationship, yes, during, never. I do not have doubts that someone can in fact fall out of love with someone, that's not the question. So I'm not sure that I can really say how someone reacts after this. I hear its more emotional than falling IN love. I assume there is a lot of guilt towards the person you care about and hurt and Im sure feelings of failure.

My question: Did she really fall out of love if she's jealous? Or with all the emotions you feel as you fall out of love can one of these emotions be jealousy? I do believe you can fall out of love but aren't you usually only jealous of those you are currently in love with or like/crushing on?

All serious answers welcome, I am very curious about this whole process as I have never been on that end.

She probably did fall out of love, but there are still emotions involved, If I was you I would do NC, so both of you can move on.You harping on if she is jealous,or she is still love shows that you have not moved on completely either.

My question: Did she really fall out of love if she's jealous?
Her feelings may have changed, and there is no telling what her real feelings are. Jealousy is a form of insecurity, fed by fear, and can be overwhelming but more than likely, other things were the cause of the break up. Jealous people tend to be smothering and controlling. And that can be frustrating to a partner, and frustrating to them when they cannot control a partner. Actually its them that's out of control, but guess who gets the real blame? This leads to all kinds of verbal conflict until one or the other has had enough.
Or with all the emotions you feel as you fall out of love can one of these emotions be jealousy??
It could be jealousy, or a number of emotions all at once, as break ups bring forth MANY feelings for many reasons, and makes it hard to cope with. We are all unique in our feelings, and how we deal with them.
I do believe you can fall out of love but aren't you usually only jealous of those you are currently in love with or like/crushing on?
Not necessarily as many get jealous after a break up, and they hate the person. Some don't want the partner, but also don't want them to be with any one else. That happens a lot and the feelings for an ex have more to do with personality, and coping skills than actually caring, or wanting them.

Most of us humans have a hard time figuring out our own feelings, let alone trying to figure out some one else's. More often than not, our own feelings get in the way of understanding the feelings of others. Don't just be stuck on jealousy, or any one feeling, because it often a combination of many factors that bring about peoples actions.

By no means take her display of jealousy as a reason to think there is hope of reconciliation. It could mean many things but foremost, if you are continuing contact, it means confusion, and maybe drama, and that's a distraction you don't need for either of your healing. That's why No Contact after a break up is recommended, to avoid the confusion and drama that follows the break up.

I have been in this situation myself and it is not like a light switch, feelings linger (at least for me). I felt jealous, angry, depressed, and sad... and I was the one who fell out of love.

I would imagine after caring for you for a lengthy period that she has a lot of emotions invested in you and that her own disappointment in the failure of the relationship has a lot to do with it.

Comment on talaniman's post

Ooook! That helps a lot. I do actually think that's part of her personality and her coping skills. Thanks that makes a lot more sense when you break it down like this

Comment on Dare81's post

No I am doing fine actually.I am just curious of the falling out of love thing because I have never experienced that on my own.as I would ask why people cheat also if I had a partner who did so,as I do not cheat.simply curiosity.

Comment on adthern's post

I have a curious question for you: do you ever fear that when you get into a relationship again, if you aren't already, that your partner would simply fall out of love with you like you have done in the past?

Or that maybe even you will fall out of love again with your next partner? Its sounds kind of silly but like I have said, very curious on this subject.

Speaking for myself, I have a very pragmatic view of life. What will be, will be... and neither I nor you can change that. So, I try to be happy in the moment, I do try to plan ahead too, but I do not try to worry too much about those kinds of things.

That being said, yes sometimes I do worry a little, but then I realize how strong my feelings are for her and how strong hers are for me. There is a lot more that goes into that for me, but that gets into y own view of relationships and monogamy and I don't want to give people here a heart attack, so I will end there. Lol.

OK I gotcha! That makes sense.

Speaking for myself, I have been on both sides of the fence and it sucks from either side, but keep your confidence up, and you will see that checking out a romantic opportunity is a risk worth taking. You simply have to keep in mind that starry eyed love will blind you from facts that help you make good decisions for yourself. Being in love/lust often makes us ignore red flags about a partner. That's why I have learned,

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that's only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule - If they can't treat you like you want to be treated, don't mess around with them.

Talaniman Rule- When you allow bad behavior, you will get it.

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

Never get carried away and take time to know who you are giving your heart to because LUST fades, and LOVE grows and you have to wait until the lust has faded, to see what you got. Its still a risk though, but some are worth it, some are just dumb. Find out.

Sometimes things that make us feel bad turn into good things for us in the long run, so taking a risk, is a matter of confidence.

No risk, No reward!!

Thank you so much! I will take this and apply it to my life starting today!