I know this may seem trivial but I have been dating a guy for almost two years. First of all, he is ADD and having a relationship with him is very straining. He is a really good guy but exhibits all the ADD symptoms of being unreliable, not following through on plans, is easily distracted, and has no sex drive. We are both over 50.

I have gone the extra mile for the last two years trying to support him in any way that I can. I literally fed him all summer as he was unemployed. Neither of us is well off but we both are adults who work. He was going through a particular hard time earlier this month so I gave him one of his Christmas gifts to take his mind off it (bought him an external hard drive to back up his computer). Earlier this week I took the rest of his gifts to his house as I spent Christmas Eve with my family. When I went to his house today, he gave me a pair of gloves that looked like they had been taped back into the package that he admitted his mom had gotten.

He told me he would get me something after the first of the year. I am very hurt.

I don't want to seem materialistic but he had all year to buy a gift. Christmas comes the same time every year and he knew prior to Christmas that I had bought him gifts. I am just so sad tonight. I just feel like a low priority in his life.

Tell him you are very hurt, and needs to leave you alone until he figures things out for himself.

That's what you do for him. Let him fend for himself, while you spend your time, and money on yourself, making yourself happy.

You know what they say about small gifts, the important thing is the thought. The gift itself doesn't mean much if it's not for the time you spent thinking about it, looking for it, buying it and offering it.

You have every right to be unhappy, there is no thought here. I agree with tal, do yourself a favor and let him know how you feel. Buy yourself a gift you think you deserved, you don't need anyone for this :)

You are not alone...

This xmas, I prepared a meal and a gift for my special someone.. this would be our first and last xmas as I will be moving away.
The day before, I text him to remind him that he is required to get a small gift in exchange.
But, he replied saying that he has no time to get me a xmas gift, but instead I am allowed to " use " his body for my pleasure.

I got really mad and I told him I too have no time for him on xmas day. But he still showed up outside my house. I ignored him.

He was upset that I rejected him, and said he got me chocolates...
I decline his visit and gift.. he text me to tell me that he will forgive me no matter how impolite I was to him.. and that I should contact him later...


I replied that he was mean and unappreciative to my effort. And that I should be the one forgiving him.

Maybe him not getting you a Christmas gift was more of a realization, than a slight.

It sounds to me that you give far more than your receive in this relationship, and while you continue to be supportive and generous in the relationship, he is detached and distant. Considering that a relationship is give and take, it sounds like you do all the giving and he does all the taking.

Him having ADD is not an excuse to use people, or choose to become dependent upon someone to keep propping them up. Does he have an actual clinical diagnosis of ADD, and if so, has he been prescribed medication?

I totally understand why you would feel hurt at receiving a 'gift' such as it was. Somehow he knew enough to know he had to give you something, but didn't care enough to take the opportunity to do something to make you feel as special to him. It didn't have to cost a penny. He could have given you a card, with a note for a special dinner date at his house, which he would prepare. I realize it wasn't the gift itself that has you upset, but rather his lack of consideration and thoughtfulness.

But those characteristics you see in him, are not specific to just Christmas. To me, from what you have said, he is pretty consistent in his behaviour and attitude. It just hurt more this time, because it's Christmas.

Maybe use this experience to really think about where the relationship is going, and whether you want to continue with it as it is. Perhaps the real 'gift' will be realizing that you would be better off without him.

No offense but is he using his ADD as excuse or is that what you came up with to help you accept his lack of participation in this relationship. I don't mean to be harsh but why stay with someone who doesn't seem to want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but more of mother taking care of him! Life is too short to be stuck in this kind of relationship of give,give and give some more, but never can expect anything in return!

Move on and get out with friends. There are men out there who would appreciate a special caring woman like you. Good luck

I wouldn't call this trivial. I would be very, very pissed not to get a Christmas gift from someone you consider to be in close relationship with. It's not the gift itself, but the thought that counts.

It's not being materialistic. It is spending the time getting you something. It is actually the thought and he isn't and wasn't thoughtful. You need to dump him since you are not a priority. I got nothing from my boyfriend for my birthday or Christmas or Valentine's Day and I did take the time to get him something. He bought another woman a drink for her birthday and I actually bought champagne for him to give to this woman we both know. Yesterday, he asked me to get a bottle of scotch for his mom to give to her neighbor. SO, he doesn't have the time to get me a gift not the time to get his mom's friend a gift so expects me to do it. Take it from me and don't be stupid. I learned and so should you!