Hi guys, OK, well I have started a great and awesome relationship, the thing is her ex hubby is moving to her town next week, she offered him to stay with her till he gets set up and so on, doing it for the kids apparently, I want to believe her but I guess we all have fears. She said it will only be 2 weeks but he comes there with nothing, no job, no car, no furniture etc, I can't see him being out in 2 weeks. We really do gel together and I am worried this will have a negative impact on our future, please help, not sure what to do or think

Tell her you need 2 weeks off and to let you know when he's moved out and you will see her then. Say it with no acrimony. Try to keep your thoughts and fears in check until then - you just never really know the truth until it happens, right? I know it won't be easy. Keep busy and don't drive by the house or call or ANYTHING. She's not being totally fair to you but you don't live together, so you don't have much to say about this.

I take it, this is a new relationship.

My opinion is, if he's moving back to the same town, and moving in with her and their children, there is no room for you.

I don't know why she would do that, and have the kids think daddy is back, only to have him leave again, and expose them, again, to him going and put them through that wilingly. While she is playing house with her ex, you are on the back burner, and will be in an awkward position. To use the excuse that 'it's for the children', is a bit much.

She's calling the shots, and using the children as an excuse.

I agree with Joy, and let her know that when she and her ex have separated again, give you a call. Otherwise, consider yourself 'the other man'.

How long has your relationship been going on?

How long has she been divorced?

The first question I would ask is how does this affect your relationship, and the time you spend together? Personally, I would need a lot more facts before I decided how to handle this situation, so why haven't you talked about it?

Then you would know what you should do about this very uncomfortable situation.

Unless he has solid plans I doubt two weeks is enough to get anything together, and maybe he is just getting his foot back in the door, but she is the one agreeing to this so, maybe her kids seeing there father is her motive, but why should you be in limbo waiting for them to handle whatever business they have?

I smell a rat, and would remove myself from this situation all together. This may not be worth the drama and worry, but talk and see what you can find out, and make a decision based on facts, and not just feelings. If you can get no facts, I would be long gone any way, but its up to you to ask the right questions in your own interests.

Read these rules,

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule- Stay away from any one that has an ex involved in their lives..

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.


Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule - Never tolerate bad behavior. *

Talaniman Rule- Let them pay for the consequences of their bad behavior, not you. *

*NOTE_ Applies to any bad behavior.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that's just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others.

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

Talaniman Rule-Love yourself enough to never allow any one to treat you badly. If they do, LEAVE.

Talaniman Rule- When you see a brick wall, don't go head first into it, and expect to get on the other side.

Talaniman Rule - If they can't treat you like you want to be treated, don't mess around with them.

Talaniman Rule- When you allow bad behavior, you will get it.

Its up to you to find out what's going on, and decide what to do about it.

Yes, sounds like she is not over him yet and he is merely moving back in.

Will she still go on a date with you, you pick her up at her house with him there?

I have another idea: tell her she can live with you while he's in her house. Any infants and toddlers can come with her and any older kids can stay with him. After all, it's only 2 weeks.

If she starts burbling all sorts of reasons that won't work, you have your real answer.
'For the kids' my big toe.

Thanks guys, I talked to her about it last night and she tells me that he is only there for 2 weeks, she also added she would work at night to avoid the "family thing" so he doesn't read into it. I want too believe her I really do. She will be spending NYE here with me and returniong home after a week.
It is a new relationship and everything else feels so right, but I have been married before and it sits in my mind they have history too. I still have my doubts he will get his life sorted in 2 weeks, its a lot to organise in that time. They have been divorced for 5 years and it seems they have gone there separate ways.
She also mentioned if he is around it gives her a chance to have a life again, be able to go out with me, weekends away etc, as she has no family close to her, if he( the father) isn't around then she basically said things with us would be difficult for spending time together as she has no babysitter.
My only thought was too see what happens over the next 2 weeks and I guess any of us can pick up if something isn't right, I don't want too end it, I do want too have some faith, but on the other hand I am vulnerable to being hurt... it's a really tough situation!!

This is my biggest fear, although we have spoken about it several times I'm still not convinced. She does tell me what we have is what she wants but well I guess anyone in this position wouldn't be convinced...

I don't think any one would be happy with this situation. Don't sulk though, show some trust until you she proves she doesn't deserve it.

You say this relationship is new, how new?? I ask because if its only a few months, you really shouldn't be in that deep, simply because she is still a stranger. And I wouldn't be worried about any competition any way, not even from an ex, or what would be the point of dealing with any female? Heck don't they all have exes? Baby daddy's?

See how it goes, and act accordingly, but no need to overreact. Be cool, calm, and collected at all times, no matter what.