I have been with my boyfriend for a few years now, we live together and share almost every part of our lives. A couple of months ago, I had surgery that required me to be bed-ridden for nearly 2 months which meant 24-hour care. I did not want to put that responsibility all on him, so I stayed at my parents house through my recovery. After 2 months I came back to live with him, and a lot had changed. I was no longer his first priority. He went out with his friends to party (leaving me behind) nearly every night and made the choice to sign up with the armed forces without ever consulting me. I have to admit I harped on him some, because I was hurt that his life had just changed completely while I was laid up in bed. After less then a month back at 'our' house the arguments got worse and worse, until I slapped him across the face one day. Granted, I should have never raised my hand to him, but this came after days of bold-faced lies that he told me and him talking down to me. He told me to get out. I left, and came back the next day to get my things. I ran into him and we both apologized. I told him how neglected I had felt and he told me how he felt I was trying purposely to hold him back. We reconciled and I decided to spend only 1/2 my time with him and the rest at my parents... eventually we fell into the same routine, both of us getting mad at the same things. So many arguments later, I just learned to keep my mouth shut when something was bothering me. This lead to him constantly criticizing me, telling me how lazy I am (I do all the housework), how fat I am (I gained about 5 lbs after my surgery), and how annoying I am (I was born this way!). I just ignored it... he never gave me one single compliment and if I asked him how I looked he would say 'i don't care'. Actually, his response to almost everything was 'I don't care.' On the rare occasion that I would push him for more of an answer he would flip out and leave. I don't know why, but when he would come back it was always me apologizing. It's been like this for some time now.
After a co-worker started to show a little interest in me, giving me the attention I craved, I started thinking about cheating. I had never cheated on him before. I noticed myself putting more effort into getting ready on the days I had work then on the days that I would just see my boyfriend. This attracted attention from a lot of other men (even some men from my past), and I was pleased. It was so nice to hear how beautiful I looked or to be asked my honest opinion on something. I loved it, and the more attention I got the more the thoughts of cheating came into my mind.
Now, I am stuck at a crossroads. I know at one point or another I loved my boyfriend (when I tell him I love him he sighs), but I am not so sure that I do now. Our lives are soooo meshed together that our families are one, and we sometime get people asking us when the wedding will be. He is leaving for bootcamp sometime in Feb. and I am just so confused where to go from here. I don't want to lose all the time that we had together, all the stuff that we worked for. But I also know that there are other people out there who could care for me better, care for me at all. Every time I bring anything serious up, he just clams up and won't talk about it. Do you think it is just time for me to cut my losses and move on? If so, what do you think would be the easiest way to tell him?

Sorry for rambling.. it's just a lot of time to get into one question... any advice/similar situation is welcome. Thanks.

Move on. It sounds like he doesn't want to leave you because he would feel to guilty doing so after surgery and you don't want to leave him because you're afraid of change. Change, though, is how we stay alive, it good for you. The fact that you chose to stay with your parents after your surgery says a lot about your relationship beforehand so there is no use in flogging a dead horse. Move on.

Best way to tell him? Casually, no shouting or arguments just explain that since you've been back from your parents things haven't been the same and that you think that for both your sanity, you should go your separate ways.

I agree with the above, it is time to move on. This has to be the right decision for you. Anyway you look at it, it is a hard decision. It might not work out, might. Same with anybody in the future. It has to be your decision something that is right for you.

Joe

I think it's time for you to cut your losses and move on. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Just tell him honestly and upfront. The two of you have nothing in common and there's no love there. He's getting ready to go to boot camp any way so you wouldn't be seeing each other for at least several months anyhow. I can't predict how he'll react but that's not your problem. Your problem is doing what's right for you. I don't really think staying with this guy is the right thing.

I kind-of have a different opinion here.
What's going on in his own life? Why did he sign up with the armed forces without talking to you about it first? Did/Does he feel his life/future is going nowhere? He could be discouraged with himself and his own life which makes it hard for him to concentrate on you and the relationship. He may just want to be apart of something and is discouraged with you for not supporting him in his decision.
He made a commitment to stand for something by going into the armed forces - which is a huge move. Maybe he wants to spend time with friends before he sets out?
Has he ever truly declared that he didn't love you or want to be with you?
Has he ever cheated on you?
He may just be going through a difficult time right now.
I wouldn't leave a man who is trying to enter a new phase of his life for the better unless you know he no longer wants to have a life with you and viseversa...
It doesn't excuse his mean behavior, or yours for that matter. A serious talk without judgment from both sides is in need here...

I think this relationship ended a long time ago actually. I just don't think you've physically left each other. It's really hard to say where it all went wrong, maybe when you left, maybe when you slapped him. It's irrelevant now. I would not recommend dating right just yet but you do need to either stay with your parents or get a new place.

I think the best way to tell him is to be honest. Tell him that the relationship as obviously dissolved to a point where it is no longer healthy for either one of you to maintain this.

I think you should wish each other well and move on with your lives. Time for you both to find out who you are and what you want. This will not happen together.

You need to move on.

My wife had been with a good guy for a few years and was engaged to be married. Her daughter loved him like a father. But, she knew something wasn't right. She broke the engagement, much to the chagrin of the fams.

Shed tell you that it was a tought decision that she doesn't regret.

I'm a believer in working through the tough spots. There are times when you just seem to fight for no good reason. You hold on as best you can and wait for it to pass or talk it out and get it out of your system.

But in this case, it just seems like you have too many doubts. Remember, you don't owe your family or him anything that should make you unhappy the rest of your life. If its not right, its not right.

A person who is unwilling to talk about a relationship has no business getting married or being in a serious relationship with the intent of moving toward long term commitment. Good relationships take work and communication. Bad relationships are often bad because they lack these.

I don't like giving advice, but your post caught my attention. I am going through a terrible time in my life (I know, we all are). My ex is leaving for another state to live with another girl. Even though I accepted them as a couple, I am losing my friend. I can hardly sleep, and seldom eat at this point. He is, however, going through a divorce, and it sounds like the relationship you are having with your SO is what he (my ex) had with his then wife. I think you're both trying to fit yourselves into neat little boxes for each other, and neither of you will fit. I have to say though, even my ex never insulted his wife as badly as it sounds he is insulting you. I hate telling someone to break it off with someone, especially since right now, I've been the dumpee. But I will say that, yes, you guys need to talk, and if he's unwilling, then tell him your going your own way for a while until he is ready. Tell him that does mean you will date, and no longer exclusive to him. Remind him that if he wants to talk, you will, but he's on a limited time frame. If you meet someone and everything clicks, then it's over, and make sure he knows this. If he is still unwilling to talk almost a month later, he probably never will, and at least you can say you did your level best to be fair. Maybe this is really bad advice, I don't know... but I think it would be fair. Good luck on things.

It sounds like neither of you are interested anymore. He doesn't do your confidence any good. I would leave him behind.