Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend broke up with me, but he didn't want to, what do I do?

Okay, so, our problem is that my boyfriend is 29 years old and I am 17 years old. My parents did not want anything to do with him, but they went out to dinner with him and I one night and they got to know him. My parents now trust him and they now know as well as I do that this love is real and they accept us being together. However, his parents do not accept us, we had been together for one year and a few months, and he finally called his parents up to tell them that I was 17 (they knew of me, but not my age and I have never talked to them, I didn't want them asking questions) they told him off and told him not to talk to them anymore.

He was trying to accept it, but he was so depressed and hurt. I just wanted to fix the problem, even though it was impossible for me to fix anything.. He asked me not to contact his parents, but I did anyway.. I found their number on Google and tried to call them. They did not answer the phone, so later that night when my boyfriend got off work, I told him that I had tried to call to talk things over, to tell his parents that I love him with all my heart and to ask them what I need to do in order to make things right because I want to be with him.

He told me that I crossed the line because he asked me not to call his parents, because I would only make them more upset and mad. He broke up with me and told me I lost his trust and to not contact him anymore. (-- He told his parents 2 nights later he had broken up with me --) The next day, we began talking again on the phone at nights. We would and still keep talking like we're together, minus being sexual. We talk and joke around like we always did when we were together, and he still calls me his princess and tells me he loves me. He told me today before he went to work that if he could give me the answer that I want, that we could be together again he would say it in a heartbeat.

He doesn't want to do wrong by his parents though, and I don't blame him, it hurts but I know his parents always come first. He told me though that he was going to choose me over his parents until I broke his trust by trying to call them because I was going to make things worse. It hurts so much talking to him like we're still together, but it would hurt even more if he didn't talk to me. No matter how hard I try, I can't stay away, I can't stop texting and calling him.

(This is all an online relationship by the way.. He's a Marine, we live several thousands of miles away, he has visited me several times, we've talked about being together forever, getting married, even though he has commitment issues, having children, even though it scares him to think about raising a child, we are very serious.)

The problem is that he does not want to lose his parents, he already did once after he told them about me, and he's so happy to have them back. What can we do so we can be together again.. we want each other so badly.

(I live in Pennsylvania, the age of consent is 16, and we met when I was 16, this is not illegal so please keep that criticism to yourself, I just need answers and help.. )

He has to chose you, or his parents, it's that simple. Nothing else will change a darn thing!

Its obvious what his choice is, its them, and there is nothing you can do but suffer. For how long is up to you.

I said I needed help, and you are of no help to me at all. Please don't bother me again. Got it?

I'm not sure what kind of help you want. Do you want ideas on how to convince his parents you are a worthy partner, despite your youth and the difference in ages? That's what's going to have to happen, you know, if this is to work out.

Quote:

Comment on talaniman's post

I said I needed help, and you are of no help to me at all. Please don't bother me again. Got it?

Save your anger, and frustration for the boyfriend who puts his parents wishes before your future. He cannot even commit to anything in the future because for one you have proven you will go against his wishes once, and gone behind his back, and he no longer trust you to act appropriately, an maybe you are to young to act wisely. You can have all the attitude you want, but until you expect more from him, and regain his trust, you will never see a path for happiness, with him, or without him.

You will never see that enough red flags are already waving that you think are nothing but are things you need to pay attention to for your own good,

Quote:

(This is all an online relationship by the way.. He's a Marine, we live several thousands of miles away, he has visited me several times, we've talked about being together forever, getting married, even though he has commitment issues, having children, even though it scares him to think about raising a child, we are very serious.)

You need to recognize the many obstacles that love cannot conquer, no matter how intense the emotions are, because it takes hard work and a plan. You may be willing, but are you able, that's the question. For one, forget the marriage and kids for now and plan for your graduation and future, since thats the only solid thing you know will happen.

Not only will this balance your emotions and stabilize your fear of not knowing what to do about this romance of yours, but it allows you something to look forward to for yourself, and give you some wiggle room and options for the choices you are afraid to make. Right now you are caught up in the emotions and that can hurt, but you have to realize that you don't have to force things, or act impulsively going forward, relax and let him come to you. That would be a healthier way to deal with this online, long distance thing, and not be controlled by the circumstances.

Right now you are desperate for ways to make things work, and there is no need , you have plenty of time to let things work, if you can get control of yourself and slow down enough to see what happens next, and have a solid plan for yourself. So stop getting carried away by intense feelings, because what can a 17 year old do about anything at the moment? That's right, you have no control over no one or what they do, JUST yourself. That's your key to success, control yourself, and your own future, no matter what others say or do.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that's just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger's basket. Save some for your own basket.

For all the intensity, you only think he is as serious as you are about the future with you, he is not, and his words and action prove it. So get the stars out of your eyes, and deal with what's real. He isn't going to marry some high school kid, and his parents won't allow it, heck you haven't proven you are anything but a young teenager who we all know, has not been through enough real life to have proven a darn thing to anyone, not even yourself yet. Now I know from your writing you are intelligent and a good student, and also highly emotional and unrealistic, and I also know your mom has been talking good sense to you to make sure you reach your potential, and not be sidetracked by a guy who has issues he needs to overcome himself before he makes anyone a good partner.

Let alone a very young female who has a lot of growing to do, and I hope you can see that through those love blind eyes.

And forget walking in any house I am in, and telling me what to do, YOU GOT THAT!!

He won't let me speak to his parents, his parents and him are the problem and I have nothing to do with it. If I try to talk to his parents they will yell at him because they told him this had nothing to do with me and I don't want him to hurt anymore than he's already hurting. I just keep praying there's something I can do to fix this..

Comments on Talanimans post
He is as "stuck on me" as I am to him, and if you didn't notice that by what I wrote then freaking read it again. I didn't ask for your opinion, I asked how I should go about fixing the problem and you are of NO help AGAIN.

Please scroll down to use the Answer box. You'll get more room to post. The Comments box is very limited for space. We're hoping the admin will get rid of it soon.

I'm not so sure there's much you can do to change their minds at this point. Twelve years' difference is rather huge. Do well in school and be a good citizen. Volunteer somewhere if you can -- an animal shelter, a hospital, a nursing home. Knock his parents' socks off.

I don't know his parents, I've never spoken to them, I can't do anything to prove myself to his parents and that's why this is so hard.. I need to find a way to fix this without speaking to his parents, even though I think the only way to fix this is to speak to his parents he feels if I talk to him I'll only make things worse. I know he wants me as much as I want him, but he doesn't know what to do anymore.I can't give up, I won't until I find an answer to bring us back together again. I would do anything..

I wouldn't worry about his parents at this point. Just be the best you can be, for yourself and your own parents. Word will get out and also back to him and his parents.

Quote:

my boyfriend is 29 years old and I am 17 years old.

Can you blame them for not seeing tis as a great idea to embrace? Be logical, not emotional. What do your parents advise you to do?

Quote:

He is as "stuck on me" as I am to him,

But he is obligated to the Marines for now, and does as his parents wish him to do, which you messed up by going behind his back.

Quote:

He told me today before he went to work that if he could give me the answer that I want, that we could be together again he would say it in a heartbeat.

So he cannot change things either, and doesn't sound willing to.

It's a big mistake to continue even speaking to him with the hope of fixing things. You cannot. You are running your head into a brick wall and looking like a desperate love struck youngster. Try a more mature option, leaving him alone, completely, and see if he misses you enough to go against his parents.

I think the problem more than anything is your age, (if they know) and that's not something they will change their minds on. Your chances may be a lot better after you leave high school, and are in college or employed than now.

At least you will have something other than a pretty face to present to them, if indeed he is as interested as you say. I think that's a better way of dealing with situations like this than running head first into the brick wall you are facing.

For sure your way has solved nothing, and caused you great emotional stress, and even you have to see that your post is going in a big circle as you reject new ideas that help you, if not your situation.

There is no quick fix for your problem, no magic trick, or trap. Until you realize that, and are willing to regroup, and adjust your thinking, you are stuck, and not just on a 29 year old who is unavailable to you.

He must have been your first, the way you hang on to him, and I hope you are still building a life, and future for yourself without him, because all feelings aside, he just ain't there, nor at this time won't give you what you want.

Sorry for your loss, I really am, but that's all a part of life and all that matters is what you do about it. Sometimes we can do nothing at all, and just have to do what's best for yourself to survive, and move forward to better things.