Ask Me Help Desk - Confused on life.

Okay so I'm really unhappy with where I'm living right now at my house... It hasn't really ever been a home my dad is always traveling and my mom is so into her on thing I feel like I just go on living. But I want a family I want a whole family but eveyrtime I try leaving my mom suddenly becomes concerned and becomes a real parent. I recently got grounded for not picking up my stuff (understandable) but then I just got groudned at about 20 min ago for driving down the road. My mom took my phone, car, and freedom. So I said I wanted to leave I had my pags packed and a ride on the way to pick me up and now she so concerned with what I'm doing. And wouldn't let me leave. What do I do. I can't talk to either of my parents because I'm just kind of put on hold a lot. And they are so concerned with my brother all the time I'm just kind of left out I work everyday and pretty much support myself I cook all my food I do all my own laundry I pay for my gas and my cell phone the only thing they pay for is my car insurance. But yet they take all of it away! How why? What do I do? What do I say? Who should I talk to? I'm just so mixed up and confused

I must say that I feel for you. You must certainly be under a lot of stress for someone so young. But you have to remember that family members aren't the only people you can talk to. If you have a friend whose parents know your parents, you could tell them and they could talk to your parents (For some bizarre reason, adults have this weird tendency to take other adults more seriously than their own children. Go figure.) Or you could talk to a guidance councilor or therapist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dgilmou

It hasnt really ever been a home my dad is always traveling and my mom is so into her on thing i feel like i jsut go on living. but i want a family i want a whole family

It sounds like you're falling through the cracks of your parents' busy lives. What is your mom's thing that keeps her so busy? What is it with your brother that keeps them so attentive to him? The fact that your mom does pay attention when you try to leave tells me that she isn't totally oblivious. She's probably feeling overwhelmed having to cope with the home front all the time while your father is on the road. So she lurches from crisis to crisis. I'm guessing that your brother is better at creating crises than you are and that's why he gets more attention. Am I right?

I do feel for you. But I don't really know what to tell you, except to try to have some compassion for your parents and realize that they are just as unsure as you are about how to get through life. I think kids sometimes think that adults have it easy because nobody tells them what to do. The truth is, the older you get, the more demands and responsibilities are placed on you, and some people don't handle it very well. I think your parents do love you and want you to be happy, but they're too involved with their own problems to notice yours very much.

I know it may not sound very original or even realistic, but you might try actually talking to them, individually and one-on-one, about how you feel. Maybe rather than starting with what you're feeling it would work better to ask about how they're feeling, and try to listen to their answer and understand how they see your home and family relationships. Ask them if they're satisfied with the situation and if they could change any one thing about it, what would it be? The trick is to break out of habitual patterns of interacting and get some real, heartfelt communication going. Not easy, I know, but worth a try.

Probably the hardest job any of us has to do in life is to forgive our parents for being ordinary imperfect people, and not the gods we once believed in.

At 18, you are free to do as you wish. At that time you can leave home as a legal adult and they cannot stop you.

Until that time...

I don't think your parents are ignoring you and then trying to make you miserable. I suspect they are concerned for you and your future, while trying to juggle all the things in their own life that allow them to provide you a safe home to live in.

You still have a lot of growing up to do.
And your parents are only human.

How old are you? If you are a minor, you can seek to emancipate yourself. But that is a pretty drastic move. Not one I would think would be really necessary for you.

It sounds like you want to heard and respected and accepted. Pretty normal for anyone, especially a teen who is trying to come of age and be happy. Used to be called "teen angst".

Your parents do need to sit down and talk with you - if they do not start the process, then ask for them to sit and talk with you - really talk with full listening and acceptance. If they cannot seem to get themselves together in one place at the same time, then I would to find a neutral person to talk to - a pastor, a school counselor, a teacher - someone who can help you process what all is going on inside you - someone who can maintain confidentiality and be professional, yet still be helpful and caring.

I wish lives would not get so busy that parents forget the very reasons they are parents. Teens do not raise themselves very well, yet it seems many are doing that. Parents who spent most of their time away from their family - what are they staying away from? What things are going on that they cannot pull together and take care of their home life? When all else is said and done, family should be first. Jobs come and go, friends do too, hobbies change, but family endures the lifetime.

I wish you the very best in your situation.

This situation may just be your parents way of treating you more like an adult rather than a kid. They might just be leaving you alone to let you make your own decisions until they feel the need to intervene in order to keep you on the right track.
Do you have a younger "kid" brother or an older rowdier one? Both circumstances would unfortunately require more attention from loving, caring parents. The fact that your mom steps up when you may not be making the right choices (leaving home w/ bags packed) tells me she cares for your wellbeing and loves you a great deal.
Be grateful that they treat you like an adult and be thankful that they love and care about you enough to intervene when necessary because what they are doing is raising a child (you) to become a well rounded adult that makes good choices in life and can take care of herself in the real world.
So far, I'd say they're doing a pretty good job - you work, pay for some of your own things, cook for yourself, do your own laundry, and seem to be very independent.
Maybe you could ask your mom if you and her could spend some quality time together doing something that you both enjoy. This way you don't always feel like the only time you spend together is when your doing something wrong.
As for your father, is he traveling for business? Chances are he doesn't like it and wishes he could spend more time with his family, but loving, caring parents do what ever it takes to provide for their families.
Just talk to them like ordinaryguy suggested and add that you'd like to spend some quality time as a family together.
Best wishes.
Kae

Write them a letter telling them how you feel and give it to them via the mailbox. Write them both. I feel for your situation and I do remember your other post. Sometimes we parents forget that all the time and work we put in to give you a better life than we had, takes us from he ones we work for.