Ask Me Help Desk - She's mad because I'm too thoughtful of her!

She's mad because I'm too thoughtful of her!

My fiancé is always mad at me because I am too thoughtful of her. I call her like every hour of the day and if I didn't call her I text her on her cell phone. I don't know what to do not to make her angry with me. I can't stop calling her or texting her whenever she tells me not to or I should wait for her to call me. I love her so much but she doesn't like the way I express my love to her. Last night, she told me that she will call me when she finish praying but I called her before that because I thought she finished early but she got mad at me and hanged up the phone saying I don't want to say something to you that I will regret later. Can you please advise me what I should do in my relationship?

Hi coldhand,

It sounds to me like you are smoothering her and that is why she is annoyed with you. It is really annoying that you have to ring her every hour of the day. Give her a break and allow her some space.
Are you insecure with your relationship with her?

Whoa man,

You are coming off way too clingy here. I would get sick of someone, even if it was my finance, calling me that much.

Do you have a life at all? Or is it simply all about her?

Seriously you have some massive issues in my opinion. This is just way too much.

She told you she'd call when she was finished praying but you still didn't respect that and called her. Can't you understand why she is mad? Do you not understand?

It even shows a lack of trust and respect to her in many ways. If she says something respect what she has said and follow her requests.

If you don't change your ways then pretty soon you won't have a relationship. She is clearly getting sick of you and it won't be long before she wipes you all together.

If I were you id cut all my calls back. Why do you have to call her every hour. Surely it isn't to tell her you love her. She knows this. She doesn't need to be told EVERY HOUR.

You are way to clingy and insecure and may need some professional help if what you are saying is accurate! Before it is too late!

What your doing is not love, but making a pest of yourself, and you can bet that sooner or later she will get tired and dump you. So back off and give her breathing room.

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

My fiance is always mad at me because i am too thoughtful of her.

Which, ironically enough, is her thoughtful way of saying leave me alone and give me some space. You’re a push over and acting like a woman and she’s telling you to act like a man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

I call her like every hour of the day and if i didn't call her i text her on her cell phone.

There are other words for that. One is called stalking. Your doing it. If you call her every hour, your stalking. Every hour means stalking. Stalkers call every hour. Stalkers don’t offer space. Stalkers love so much they turn off others. Stalkers don’t quit calling when they are told to. You are a stalker.

Okay I repeated the word stalker several times so that it would sink in. Maybe you don’t see this as unhealthy but it is. You are focused WAAAAAAAAAY too much on her and not at all on yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

I don't know what to do not to make her angry with me.

Try listening.

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

I can't stop calling her or texting her whenever she tells me not to or i should wait for her to call me.

Why? Don’t you have anything to do? Do you have a job? Isn’t there something on TV you want to catch? Can’t you go for a walk?

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

I love her so much but she doesn't like the way i express my love to her.

You mean when you don’t respect her wishes or listen to her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

Last night, she told me that she will call me when she finish praying but i called her before that because i thought she finished early but she got mad at me and hanged up the phone saying i don't want to say something to you that i will regret later.

Are you completely out of you mind? Okay I’m not very religious but I do believe in God and I do believe that when one makes and finds time to have a conversation with him then you respect and listen to what that individual says. Then on top of not being able to do some basic listening or providing any respect you take it a step further and call in the middle of her prayer. Seriously, what is wrong with you? Then to hit her with the lame excuse, “oh I thought you finished early.” What gives you the right to even think of such a thing, much less follow up on it and do it?

Poor girl was probably going to pray that you quit bothering her, but sure enough you interrupted that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

Can you please advise me what i should do in my relationship?.

Truthfully, I’m wondering if your going to listen. She has expressed to you that she doesn’t not want you calling her all the time. That’s annoying. That’s needy. That’s pushy. That’s smothering. Since you call every hour, that’s stalking. Yet you have not listened. So my advice is start listening to what she says.

It sounds as though you're smothering her with being way overattentive and not letting her have any space to herself. I can see why she'd be frustrated. What may seem to you like "expressing love" no doubt seems overbearing and clingy to her. Back off, give her some space and stop with the constant calling and texting. You shouldn't need to call her every hour on the hour. I'm sure you wouldn't want someone intruding on you like that. It's actually better for your relationship if you let her miss you once in a while and make her wonder what you're up to. As it is now, you're not letting that happen with your constant phoning and texting.

I once dated a guy who had the same behavior as far as calling all the time, pestering, always wanting to know where I was and blah blah blah. You want to know how long I put up with that? Less than two weeks. At first I thought the attention was sweet, caring, concern for my well being... but I soon got nauseated from all the attention and had to get out.

I hope you read all the previous posts very carefully and heed well the advice given. These people are trying to give you the benefit of their insight and experience. Chuff says it best, hope you listen and learn.

Wow.

I'm in a GREAT marriage... seven years and many more to come.

If my wife called me every hour, id be pi$$ed. If I called her all the time, shed be pi$$ed.

You are acting obsessively. It is not healty and it doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.

She has EVERY right to be bothered. Most people would be.

You need to focus yourself on something other than her. Period.

If she had written in here and described your behavior most would say she needs to back off from the relationship and draw some lines in the sand.

Time to be your own person. Most people want a partner who is thoughtful and caring, not obsessive and lacking individuality.

Just the hard truth.

The bad part is he thinks he is being thoughtful and expressing his love. UGH!

Here is a good question... if you love her why don't you respect her wishes? Do you not trust her to call you when she says she will? It seems to me that you are very insecure with your relationship if you need to call her all the time. Leave her be. She needs time to be on her own, as do you. You seem to have lost yourself in your relationship... it is high time that you found yourself again.

I think there is even more to this - he must not trust her - and he must have a wild jealous streak - not good for business.

DUDE quit calling her - have a life - call her ONCE a day at most - if she wants to talk she'll call YOU!! Work on other thingss - work - school - friends - workout - family - HOBBIES. Quit calling.

WOMEN HATE, needy, clingy, wussy, jealous, weak men.

GROW UP!! If this continues she will not be your fiancé very long. YOU ARE and will push her way.

Don't you have other frineds you can call?? QUIT calling her!! NO more.

I bet $1 million she is trying come up with a speech to break this engagement.

You say your fiancé is mad at you because you are too thoughtful of her. You love her so much you call her every hour. You have gotten some great insight and advice. The only thing I can add to that is to say, if you love her so much and want to be too thoughtful towards her, the place to start is to listen to her wishes. Being thoughtful is respecting what another tells you where the boundaries are. You are quite lucky she is telling you and not just leaving. LISTEN carefully to what she says, or you may not be hearing her voice ever again. Trust her, be respectful towards her, listen to her words, think of what she wants, that is showing love and being thoughtful. You are being quite selfish and controlling and trying to cover those actions by saying you are thoughtful and loving. Be honest with yourself and make some changes in your actions and your life.

This is NOT being thoughtful at all. This is being an annoying pest - jealous - needy - clingy.

I actually think you may have some major issue - I would advise some counseling because this is NOT healthy. This is not healthy at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhand

My fiance is always mad at me because i am too thoughtful of her. I call her like every hour of the day and if i didn't call her i text her on her cell phone. I don't know what to do not to make her angry with me. I can't stop calling her or texting her whenever she tells me not to or i should wait for her to call me. I love her so much but she doesn't like the way i express my love to her. Last night, she told me that she will call me when she finish praying but i called her before that because i thought she finished early but she got mad at me and hanged up the phone saying i don't want to say something to you that i will regret later. Can you please advise me what i should do in my relationship?.

There is a lot of sweetness in waiting ,learn that.
Don't be selfish person. if you really care for her and love her. you must respect her.
If you can't keep quite ,listen to music ,write stories ,read stories ,watch TV.

Respect people. she is another human being ,she needs all the space she deserves not your selfish push on her.

My advice don't lose her. respect her.

Wow man this sounds like the same relationship I was in but anyway give it a week and wait for her to call you and to pass time just sleep, watch movies or play video games lol. But you she will call and will most likely be in a good mood and listen to what happened to her that day and trust me if you two don't talk all day and then talk at the end of the day you will have a lot of things 2 tlk about so try it