I have 2 kids 19 and 21 who just moved in togeather to share an apt.
They have been fighting constantly my son 21 works full-time my daughter 19
Is looking for work. He will ask her to clean the place she puts it off.
Seems she has more important things to do *friends*. A battle starts and the
Screaming starts it is to the point he may lose his apt because of it. Right
Now its always a case of he said she said and they want mom to listen to their
Side. Im to the point I don't even want to answer the phone for fear it is one of them
Asking me to understand how miserable of a person the other is. They are constantly broke and asking for money it has got to the point its more of an expense them living away from home then when they were here. I love my kids but mom is at her breaking point. I guess my question is... do siblings this age typically fight like this... yes
It can get hands on sometimes, and do I chop down the money tree and tell them there is no more money even when I know damn well they have spent their money on partying and not groceries.

If they were my kids, I'd be thinking they are on their own and should work things out between them (and I'd be completely out of the picture). You and I both know that your daughter (with no job) should knock herself out keeping house and cooking, and your son should be the financial support until she gets a job. Certainly there are PT jobs around. Once she lands a job, both should pitch in to care for the apartment and to pay the rent and utilities. Is that too difficult to consider? And I sure wouldn't welcome them back home!

How on earth did they ever decide to share an apartment??

Sorry hon I have to say its time for you as mom, to step back and say 'you guys deal with it' I know its hard. But for BOTH sides it's a good thing. Your daughter needs to realise she can't sit around on her *** all day and wait for a job to fall into her lap.
Your son needs to realise that he can't be completely blameless if he does lose his place. He CAN kick her out. Yes I know its his sister, but it's a hard lesson to learn. If he loses his place, its his fault too. Mostly hers but his too.

Does that makes sense?

I know its hard as a mom. But we got to do it. And they will both be the wiser for it *hugs*

Listen and offer a sholder all you need/want to. :) advise is a great idea too.
But Don't try to fix their problems. Or they will never figure it out

She tries to contribute financially to the apt what she can and I do agree she should be keeping house and cooking
As she is not working. She needed a place to stay in that town to look for work her brother offered her a place.

Thank you I know you are both right I guess Im just letting guilt eat at me
Life has been rough for the three of us. The kids lost their dad at an early age
So I always felt I needed to do double time... perhaps that's the problem mom
Has always been too readily available, and I need to back off.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nightrose

mom has always been too readily available, and I need to back off.

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You might want to give them one more leg up (something you can afford), but with the warning, "This is it. You two are old enough to figure this out without me. I'm around if you need a recipe or housekeeping tips or help with job hunting. Otherwise, you're on your own from here on."

Do you know if they discussed who would be responsible for what before she moved in? If not, they need to go back to square one and do so.

They are young, no doubt first experience of living on their own, especially for your daughter. A sibling relationship can sometimes make such an arrangement easier or more difficult depending on the personalities.

Instead of "he said she said", get them both together. You can be a mediator without actually having to fix it for them.

I agree with everybody.

Would like to say clearly that you need to butt out. And, you need to let the two of them know that you no longer wish to be a referee or mediator or sounding board for their problems. As long as they have you to vent, and bail them out, they will not learn how to rely on themselves, and each other.

As long as you don't have boundaries with them, they will not have or develop boundaries with each other.

Let them grow up in other words. You are doing them no favours by allowing yourself to continue to mother them.

They are adults, and need to learn the hard way, just as everybody else has to, to make their own way. That includes financially.