We have been married for about three months. In the three months, we never had sex like bunnies, but we did have some. My husband is a very caring, affectionate person. He kisses and hugs me a lot, holds my hand all the time, there is lots of intimacy. He told me that his sexual appetite itself has gone down, which may be due to stress at work and such. I can understand that and I am OK with that. But, after our last interlude, he tells me he is attracted to me, just not sexually. That hurt very badly. I told him, that him not being attracted sexually to me is a big deal. But he tells me, that to him sexual attraction is not a big deal and it takes a back seat when compared to other things, and believes that sexual attraction is not constant. He said he is sorry that he hurt me.

I am unable to stop thinking about it. Previously, I used to touch him often, kiss him and play with him, but now, I am scared, and sometime ashamed to do those things. I am depressed, frustrated and confused.

I love him. He also loves me, but say it as often as he used to. I don't want to end this marriage, neither does he.

Help.

Don't jump to conclusions. This is in no way reason to even think of ending a marriage if you both love each other. There are many ways to be intimate and show love other then in a sexual way. I admire him for being straightforward with you, but please don't stop touching and holding him, that will only put a distance between the both of you. Don't be scared or ashamed. Just love him the way you always do. Some men just don't have large sex drives; bunny sex doesn't really matter as long as it is occasionally when the time arrives.

Care for him the way you always do.

Tick

Dear Tickle
Thank you for the advice. I don't want to end this at all.But, I need to work around the hurt and low self-esteem of hearing that I am not sexually attractive to him. I don't know what to do about that and at a loss to cope around it.

Is there a chance that he would be willing to go to Doctor and talk to him about low sex drive? This does happen to some men at different ages. They may need to take testosterone shots. Just a thought, a good friend has this problem due to blood pressure medicine.

There are things a doctor can prescribe to enhance lust and performance, but I think there are guys whose sexual attractions are low naturally, or have a cycle that may take years to figure out. Some guys are morning lovers, some at night, or some during certain time of the year, and others during a full moon. We may all be different. Even females may not know there own cycle, of what turns them on and off, why, or when.

Frankly, I think half the fun is seeing this as a challenge and an ongoing mission to see what is his cycle and what turns him on, and what gets him to act like a bunny rabbit.

Constantly learning about our partners is an ongoing thing, and just 3 months isn't enough, but whatever you do, never take sexual rejection personally, that kills the whole fun of it.

Explore, and experiment. That's what being a newlywed is about.

Tell him to lay there and shut up, tie him down if you have to, take what you want, leave the rest, and go shopping. Explore his body, ain't you curious where his E(erogenous) zone is? I mean come on, who cares what his sexual attractions are? He has husbandly duties and obligations, and your mission is to help him fulfill them.

Burn his pajamas, threaten to get a dildo, sleep on the couch.

Be creative and pay attention.

Grrrr. I am so upset i can even type. I feel for you and i hope it all works out for you.