Ask Me Help Desk - Is it me or is it her?

Is it me or is it her?

Hey guys,

Its been a while but like usual I am here for advice?

I want everyone's opinion on this? If you were a male or a female who you were in a serious long term relationship, if your partners coworkers make sexual remarks to her or him at all time even though she or he had requested a stop to it would it bother you??

On my end I say yes because I think its not only disrespectful to her but to me also in an indirect way!! I think its wrong to even talk to someone like that!

Am I being too apptite or does anyone agree?

<<if your partners coworkers make sexual remarks to her or him at all time even though she or he had requested a stop to it would it bother you??
>>

How do you know that they made sexual remarks to her, did she tell you? And why do they make sexual remarks to her?

Did she request a FIRM stop ? Maybe she did not make it 100 percent clear.

How do I know? Well she tells me mainly to let me know it bothers her!! She had told them to stop.. firmaly? She say so but you know how girls are.

She does not want to be really rude to them because they are her coworkers and some her bosses so we think we have done as much as we can to stop it but...

And why they make the remarks, in my opinion because they don't respect her or me or they are just a typical horn dogs!!

Is there some moral harassment clauses where she works?

She can be firm and use that as a threat, that should stop it.

If she has clearly told them to stop, and they do not, I would escalate a sexual harassment complaint to the next level of management.

The results of such a complaint will vary depending on the company chooses to handle it. The harassment may abruptly stop, or her employment may abruptly stop...

Sometimes the best answer is to find a better job...

I don't think you're being uptight, things like that are rude and disrespectful. Could she perhaps change departments? As she doesn't want to offend. rol is right though, she could also threat to sue.

Well we both work for the government and sexual comments like that are extremely intolarble!! However she is scared to make her job sucks after she complains, the comments might stop but they'll be mean to her the whole time she works there!

Its not so easy to get another job because the pay and the position are very good so...

I am just glad to hear its not just me that is bothered by this!!

<<she had told them to stop.. firmaly? She say so but you know how girls are.
>>

Just one comment on this...

Are you sure its not the old trust issues coming up again,

Why do you not really believe that she told them firmly to stop it?

She needs to tell that guy one more time and files the complaint.

Obviously this guy is a massive jerk.

Your friend needs to let people know that this will not be tolerated. If they do not listen then report them.

Well that's the ideaa for now, she might be relocating soon so I am hoping for the best and I'll update this when my problem is solved.

Thanks again for all the input...

Its cool.

It sounds like it bothers you more than it bothers her. If SHE's bothered by it, SHE needs to file a formal complaint and follow it all the way through the process to an official conclusion. At least in a Govt job there are clear policies against it and established procedures to deal with it. She should use them fully to put a stop to it, not just for herself, but for all future co-workers of these neanderthals.

While I'm going to go against the grain here and probably be lynched for even suggesting this but I'm not so sure anything is actually happening here. I think your girlfriend is saying that this is happening to get a reaction out of you as opposed to really complaining
About what's going on at work. I think what she says gets you so worked up and so emotional that she has fun doing this to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kadd0007

Hey guys,

Its been a while but like usual i am here for advice?

I want everyone's opinion on this? if you were a male or a female who you were in a serious long term relationship, if your partners coworkers make sexual remarks to her or him at all time even though she or he had requested a stop to it would it bother you???

So from that statement your telling me it's not one but several people that are making these comments? I mean guys will be guys in certain situations but I find it hard to believe that several are participating in this behavior knowing that it could result in fines, suspensions, and even termination. To me that's a hint that she just comes home with these stories as a means to bring some drama to her life by getting you worked up. And let's be honest, she has done that.

But if these were real, then she should be complaining to you and complain to somebody that can do something about it, like HR, or upper management. The fact that she supposedly is sooooo upset that she comes home regularly and complains to you but nobody else doesn't really fly with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kadd0007

On my end i say yes because i think its not only disrespectful to her but to me also in an indirect way!!!!

And really that's what's at the heart of this matter. She's got you so wrapped up in this situation she is controlling your emotions. Again that's why I think this is just a game to her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kadd0007

I think its wrong to even talk to someone like that!!

Am i being too apptite or does anyone agree?

My ex-girlfriend used to do this stuff all the time. Someone at work would say something but she would never follow up on it. I mean this happened like once a week. Always seeking the drama, but never using my advice so I just quit listening to it. I have a feeling that is exactly what happened here. She wants your reaction but not your advice.

You know... I hate to do this, but I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

What if she doesn't WANT you to solve it? What if she's just telling you about the little things that drive her crazy about her job, and just wants you to listen to her, not "fix" it for her?

It drives my husband nuts that I come home and complain about work, but then don't take his advice on how to fix the things I'm complaining about. Move of the time, the "fix" he suggests is extreme for the situation. For example, I'll tell him about a woman I work with being a bossy witch, and how she'll make me look bad to my boss, and he'll tell me to just report her to my boss. Well... if she's making me look bad to my boss, doesn't it come down to my word against hers? And won't that just verify to my boss that what she's saying is true? So... I don't do anything. I come home and complain to my husband. And he gets fed up, because I don't take his advice.

I don't WANT his advice. I want him to LISTEN.

Rather than playing games with you, she may just be talking about this because it's something you actually listen to her saying about her day, rather than droning it out, or filing it under "girl talk" and "don't care".

Quote:

Originally Posted by kadd0007

Hey guys,

Its been a while but like usual i am here for advice?

I want everyone's opinion on this? if you were a male or a female who you were in a serious long term relationship, if your partners coworkers make sexual remarks to her or him at all time even though she or he had requested a stop to it would it bother you???

On my end i say yes because i think its not only disrespectful to her but to me also in an indirect way!!!! I think its wrong to even talk to someone like that!!

Am i being too apptite or does anyone agree?

Maybe you are dropping hints ,having a sign board hit on me. get over don't think too much of yourself.

Well sexual comments would happen to any girl and the envolved more than single girls and why is that because envolved girls would be a bit if not a lot more opened to everyone around her because everyone knows she is taken and "NoCHance" BUT I don't want to be like the others and say it is a "trust issue" but the ecceptance came first from her to let them go on and on even with her stopping them.
And for sure it is a big disrespect for you before her even. I think she should change departments because people won't change so you better get away or rais a harassment case as it was said earlier

Totally agree with Chuff , You just need to look at the title of the thread "is it me or her"
This is not just a simple question here. I think you just don't trust her.

lol trust me guys if you see these guys you'll know I have nothing to worry about!!

we are both 26 years old, when the rest of them are almost at their 50's they are just perverted old men, maybe she wants me to listen but I have seen her in fron of my eyes tell one of them off one day, however instead of stopping they get a rise out of it and do it some more...

You all have to understand if you were to complain it will make its way to the director and that is it! And he does it sometimes himself...

Yeah its government but does any of you think that it's a better working environmanet that a private business NO, private you get your fired, governemtn you have to kill to get fired!!

Either way I trust her completely, I have learned that with no trust there is no point, she is a good person and I know she does not appreciate it and she is not playing games... but thanks for all the good input it made me think outside of the box =)

OK that's brilliant. You made things clearer with your last post :))
What idiots those guys!! What happens if you intervene for her?