My mom told me she hates me and would like me to never be born. I'm 17. What to do?
Hi, I'm not really expecting some super-professional answer, but since my friends don't answer their phones I decided to write what I feel here.
Today I had a regular argument with my parents. We yelled at each other and all but it was not really such a big deal. We do this a lot. And usually after a day or two everything goes normal. My father behaves like always and I am sure he won't be angry at all by the dinner tomorrow, but my mother is different. The argument was really complicated, but it's enough for you to know that we argue about it every year. They make me do some christmas stuff I really don't like and every time promise me it's the last time. We argue, but then I do it so they're not angry. Today it was the same, however, when I reminded them they promised me I wouldn't have to do this anymore my mother yelled at me that as their child I am obligated to do everything they ORDER me (her words). Then she forbid me to do everything I planned for this week, such as making cookies (NOT in "her" kitchen - she said) or meeting my friends tomorrow. She sent me back to my room, saying I'm not permitted to come down for the dinner. I was furious, but agreeded peacefully. 10 minutes later she stormed into my room and told I have no feelings, I am the most awful person she have ever met. She said she hated me and would like me to disappear from her life in any way - die or just leave and never come back, but it would be the best if I just was never born. She wanted to hit me but held back.
Me and my mom argue a lot. She was always a bit cold to me. When I was little I always imagined how upset she would be if I ran away. Usually she's the one saying the most awful things (when she starts she can't stop), but she NEVER said something like that and not in such way. It was different than any speech I ever got from her. It just sounded so serious. Like she really meant it.
I don't really know what should I do. I'm not a horrible child. I have great grades, I read a lot, I am considered smart, I am not indifferent, as my mother said, in fact, I am easily hurt, I care about others, I work hard. In my country as 17 year old I can't get a job or leave by myself anywhere. I have no money. I know it's ridiculous, making plans about escaping or something, but I seriously don't know what to do.
Phew, I feel better now, but still hope anyone would answer me. How should I act?
Greetings,
Susannah