I met this girl from Europe studying abroad at my college and I ended up having feelings for her. She's leaving early next week. I've been good friends with her all semester but I just told her how I really feel last Thursday. Here is how it went:

We hugged each other, because this was a sort of goodbye. After we let go, I told her.

Me: I wasn't going to tell you this but I just feel I have to. I tried my hardest not to fall for you but I did.

Her: No, I don't think you feel that way. Sometimes people just get caught up in new relationships... (I cut her off)

Me: No, I really do have those feelings. You're the most perfect woman I've ever met. You're beautiful, smart, funny, have the same political and religious beliefs as me... You are the perfect woman. I am very sad that you are leaving, I wish I had more time to get to know you.

Her: I wish I had more time to get to know you too. There are plenty of other me's out there.

Me: That may be true, but I wanted to let you know how I felt about you. I hope this didn't make you feel awkward, and if it does I hope you can just take it as a complement.

Her: No, I definitely take this as a complement, I'll be thinking about this during Christmas.

We pretty much just said goodbye then (I'm simplifying the conversation a bit). I told her that if she was ever back in town please let me know. I then went to hug her, and we did. If it counts for anything, the second hug felt much more "real".


So here I am, she's going to be gone in less than 3 days. I haven't heard from her. I haven't contacted her. I want to see her again so badly. Before I told all this to her she said she would maybe invite me and my friends out with her and her friends, but she hasn't said anything. I don't know if I should try to call her, or try to see her again. What do I do?

I still don't know if she has feelings for me. Do you think she's in to me? Deep down inside I think maybe, but if she did I thought she would contact me. But then again, what can she really do? She has to go back home. How can I get a more definite answer without ruining the relationship and memories we've had together? Please, any advice will help, I'm losing time, my mind, and my dream girl!

This is the line that stands out;

Quote:

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I wish I had more time to get to know you too. There are plenty of other me's out there.

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There are plenty of other me's out there. In other words, she doesn't feel the same way and she's telling you to find someone else.

She was letting you down easy, and she likely feels a bit weird about calling you now because she doesn't want to give you the wrong idea.

You took a big step and told her how you felt. Good for you. Sadly I don't think she feels the same way. I would call her, ask if you can go along for her farewell thing, but make it clear that you're asking as a friend, and that you don't expect more.

She knows how you feel. If she feels the same way than she has the option to tell you. The fact is, the conversation you described makes it very clear that she's not that into you.

Good luck.

You couldn't have said it better. I wish all the people secretly in love would read what you said.
I think that she really means it when she says she'll be thinking about it over Christmas - but with school and career, she could take any turns, away or toward, and there is no way to know right now.

I wouldn't call her again; it might be awkward to make small talk after spilling your heart. That may be why she hasn't called to all go out together, not because she's freaked out.

Let it grow in her mind. Right now she is eager to get home! She's not from here; she has family and friends in Europe. Try to put yourself in her shoes.

Statistically I don't think such situations work out, just because of distance, youth, school paths, and careers. Be prepared for it.

Comment on joypulv's post

Yes I have this feeling too. I forgot to mention that she's said she may study abroad again in the U.S. but she wanted to try another college. Maybe if she has feelings there is a possibility she will come back near me? Nothing is impossible right?


Altenweg and Joypulv,

Thank you for your help. I've been tossing around both possibilities that you've mentioned. I want to believe there was some spark, some mutual feelings. I think maybe there is a possibility she may have feelings but realizes that admitting them would only make things worse, since she has to leave? Maybe I put her on the spot and she didn't know how to answer, and like you said she has a lot on her plate right now (excited to go home etc.. ) On the other hand sometimes I feel I'm being unrealistic and that she was clear, as you say altenweg. However, coming into this I was prepared to be heartbroken either way.

I just don't think I could have lived with myself if I didn't tell her. And quite honestly I am still having a hard time not knowing her feelings exactly. If she does have feelings, the last thing I want to do is be intrusive, and I think if anything is to happen it would be best to, as you said it, to let it grow in her mind. However, would it be OK to send her an e-mail wishing her a safe flight?

Also, for future references, would it be OK to contact her about how she did in school in the coming weeks when grades become available? Before I spilled my heart to her she did say she wanted to keep in touch. Should I wait for her to contact me or should I contact her first?

It was fun while it lasted, but life is getting in the way, so relax, and cherish the memories and see what the future holds. No, I would not contact her unless she made the first move because though you fell for her, I think she enjoyed her time but, has more important things to do.

Your feelings are strong, but that doesn't mean hers are, nor should you act on yours.

Like you said, what can either of you do about it, and thinking you can be distant friends will never work until you have a more practical approach to dealing with your own feelings. Yeah those unexpected encounters sure have us on cloud nine, but like most dreams, reality wakes us up.

Don't ruin the memories by trying to stay on that cloud.

I think you have been quite infatuated with this girl for a while... that's OK though. But, like Joypulv and Altenweg have stated she will be caught up in going home and carrying on with her life. It's no doubt been quite an experience studying in another country and probably by now she is looking forward to more familiar environments.

Who knows what will happen in the future, what she will do or where she will be. At best right now all you can expect is to be a long distance friend. What if she did share the same feelings you had for her? Would it change the reality of the fact that she is going back home and perhaps not seeing you again? Maybe she does feel the same way but, is being more realistic about it all then you are?

I think you need to just let this all rest for a bit. Let her do her thing. Send her an email around Christmas and as her how she's doing... as a friend.

Hey man. What the people said above there helped me as well. I am kind of in the same situation. Saw a friend briefly for a day or two after a year half and my feelings (In my opinion she's so perfect for me, we get on so well, same likes etc) for her came rushing back before she flew home. She's moving abroad again for a year so may not even see her again.

Point is, I think she was shocked by your relevation. I don't think she feels the same way but has probably thought over it a lot. She will also probably think about it over Xmas and decide against anything. If she did feel something. Well your in separate countries and that sucks for anything. Your also thinking way too much into it all, your not being realistic. Don't send her any messages. Let her fly away without anything from you. Why? You said everything you needed to and nothing was returned. Its in her pot and she didn't want to do anything. So bye bye. Owch I know but hey : )

Let go, stay busy, have fun, keep her as a friend on Facebook or whatever but don't check it. Its time to realise this one didn't work out, put it down to experience and move on.

By all means after your emotions are in a better way and you can think logically, perhaps send a message as long distance friends - maybe if your in the area or just want to see how she is (as friends). In this theme of things try not to let your mind wonder into fantasy about things or her. It won't help and might even lead to a bit of obsession. Myself when I find myself thinking of such things, I try to preoccupy myself with something else, whether music, reading or w/e.

Also take a look at my sig, you could probably use parts of those words.