I just wanted to post a story about my roommate.

In high school he dated this girl for 3 years and they broke up and it was very hard on him. She called and after a while of communicating after the breakup he just said don't call me it is too hard basically saying rather not talk to you anymore.

They didn't have any communication whatsover for almost 4 or 5 years. Not a phone call or anything. He said he didn't even think about anything had a girlfriend, had fun, dated others and completely moved on. They saw each other back in Michigan and started talking again. And now they are back together and very happy. He understood they were both too young for anything that serious and understood it just wasn't there time.

This isn't saying this is how you win your ex back but think about it fate will truly draw you too together if it was meant to be. You can always run into your ex a while down the road and never know it but don't force anything. Moving on helps you realize where you want to be in life and what you need and want out of relationships. They are actually doing long distance now and it is easier to make even that hard relationship work because being apart for so long allowed them to make other mistakes and know what works and what doesn't.

So bascically move on from your ex and really do the NO CONTACT! That means don't check, Facebook, email or anything. Because think about it looking at them everyday even if you are doing no contact means you are seeing them everyday. Maybe you can't touch or talk to them but you are with them and haven't move on. Go away, find things you like to do, spend time with your family and friends because an EX is one person. Your family and friends no matter where you go in life will always be there for you. TRUE FRIENDS are hard to come by. Relationships do come and go. Work out, focus on your work and just enjoy life. If you are in high school understand that when you get even through college you will look back and regret things back then or not having a good time. You only get one chance in each phases of your life, why waste time worrying about things you can't control.

Being dumped or just not being in a relationship isn't the end of the world. You are still alive and have many more days to live and find true happiness. Happiness doesn't occur because of a woman, they may CONTRIBUTE to your happiness, but ultimately the only one who makes you happy is you. You put thoughts in your mind and subconciously tell yourself the way you want to think and only you.

Life is harsh and sucks sometimes, but it can also be truly rewarding. When you get older wouldn't you rather look back and think of all the great experiences you have had and say you know what I lived a fulfilling life. I did everything I wanted to do or had the ability to.

Thanks I just hate to see so many people so down and in the rocks about this. I am hurt too but not in the way I think. I miss my ex but not to the point where it disrupts my life. I am living the dream right now, out in a great area, with a great job and having the freedom to do whatever I want. At 23 years old, I know there is so much I can do with my life and I plan on doing it.

My opinion on old exes and things of that nature comes from a little home made wisdom. Mostly coming from people saying "they don't fit together" about other people's relationships

In my mind there are two kinds of pain you can cause somebody in a relationship. The kind where you take two pieces of the puzzle that don't fit together and try to force them together. The only solution is taking them apart. The other kind is the kind when you take two pieces that fit together and try to put them together the wrong way. The only solution is to take a step back and see how to get them together the right way.

I am really liking the attitude I am seeing in you Nohitter in your recent posts.

You are showing such a great insight and understanding on what is best for people in such a situation.

This is a great story. It is nice to hear.

But what I like most about your post is what you added to it. About no contact and moving on with your life. Doing what's best for you.

It is great advice and I hope so many people get to read this.

It is something that people can be pointed to when they come here all down. And not for the fact that it shows that people may get back together. But for the stuff you say about moving on!

Well done.

Oh and this story just pays true to that old saying about if you love someone let them go, and if they return it was meant to be.

In this case it was just meant to be wasn't it? So good luck to them. I hope it works for them this time!

It doesn't always go like this though but I think you'll find that in most situation people invariably end up happier than they would ever have imagined!

Good post Nohitter!

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Life is harsh and sucks sometimes, but it can also be truly rewarding. When you get older wouldn't you rather look back and think of all the great experiences you have had and say you know what I lived a fulfilling life. I did everything I wanted to do or had the ability to.

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Not that I am old mind you but, I'm still here and happy and I may have made a mistake(s) along the way I have no regrets and have enjoyed almost every minute. I wouldn't change much except its better to be rich instead of handsome:rolleyes:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. Life will pass you by very quickly if you let it. Taking it minute by minute is so much more enjoyable. No reason to rush life.

The key for people on here is they talk a good game or try to convince themselves that what they are doing is OK because in the end the ex will come back and I can be included partly in that too but people need to look in the mirror and understand that life doesn't work that way. You can't plan and force things, you have to just let it happen. You can play a role in how your life turns out by your actions and never being deceitful, cheating or lying.

I think when Wildcat says don't be a nice guy it doesn't mean treat women bad and be rude. It just means have fun and be your own person and don't let one person control your actions or your thoughts. Find a balance between making your man or woman happy and making yourself happy. The other person isn't the only thing in your life that should make you happy. Be less available to her and be a MAN. Don't just cater and put everything on a silver platter. No fun for her.

I agree that a lot of people here have the wrong impression about the no contact and working on them self concept. They think it is done as a means of winning back there ex. That is totally wrong and unhealthy.

It should always be about what is best for you. If you don't take care of No. 1 then no one else will!

I wouldn't say no contact is exclusively a means of working on yourself. When you want an ex back the only way they're going to realize what their life is like without you, is to have a life without you. Actively calling and nagging won't show them what they wanted in you, it'll show them what they're walking away from. Its effectiveness in this capacity is usually limited to the first stages of the breakup.

Once the breakup reaches the stages of your whining and begging driving them away, that's when no contact shifts from a means of getting them back to a means of protecting yourself. From the damage you allow them to do when you continually approach them with the ideas of winning them back.

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Originally Posted by ForeverZero

I wouldn't say no contact is exclusively a means of working on yourself. When you want an ex back the only way they're going to realize what their life is like without you, is to have a life without you. Actively calling and nagging won't show them what they wanted in you, it'll show them what they're walking away from. Its effectiveness in this capacity is usually limited to the first stages of the breakup.

Once the breakup reaches the stages of your whining and begging driving them away, that's when no contact shifts from a means of getting them back to a means of protecting yourself. From the damage you allow them to do when you continually approach them with the ideas of winning them back.

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I don't believe in playing games to get people back.

I agree, having no contact can definitely make them miss you and realise what they are losing and subsequently can bring them back to you.

But the mistake many people make is thinking that the no contact is solely for the purposes of winning an ex back.

Big mistake in my book and only ends in more pain!

We have all been there and pretty much all learned the same lesson the hard way!