Ask Me Help Desk - Dress code for Christmas concert.

It's me again, and I'm ticked.

My kids have their Christmas concert tomorrow night. It's a long tedious affair, many parents have complained about the length of it (it's usually over 2 hours, starts at 7pm, and it's a long night), and many of the kids end up falling asleep on the stage. It's not something anyone looks forward to,but we go because we love them.

That being said, today, when I picked up my kids from school, they informed me that there's a dress code for this concert. No jeans, formal wear is required, and my son Jared is required to wear a Hawaiian style shirt because of one of the songs his class is singing.

It's right before Christmas! I cannot afford to buy a pair of dress pants (even on sale they would cost $40 or more) and a new shirt, for my son for one night! He has a pair of nice black jeans, brand new, that are more than appropriate for this night.

Don't they realize that times are tough, that many families can't even afford Christmas gifts much less formal clothing for their kids? Jared doesn't own a pair of dress pants because there's no need for him to. He's 12! We don't have a wedding to go to this year, nor are we expecting a funeral, so why would I have expensive dress pants that he'll grow out of in weeks, in his closet, and why should I be expected to buy a pair for a Christmas concert at his school?

Sydney lucked out. A friend of mine sent over 4 bags of clothes from her daughter. In those bags were two very nice Christmas dresses. But, if we hadn't gotten those clothes she'd also be wearing jeans.

My kids are always clean, wear clothes that aren't ripped, clean, but not expensive. I can't afford Gap, or any of those higher end stores, we're Walmart people, and even then it's stuff that's on sale. I haven't gotten new clothes in years, because unlike my children I don't grow out of things, so I do without.

I just find it in poor taste to dictate what the kids must wear to a concert. If this is a requirement than sorry, but my kids won't be participating, and I'm sure many of the other children won't be as well.

Am I overreacting? I'm thinking of writing a letter to the school (don't worry, I'll be tactful) and explaining to them that their demands are not reasonable.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Two weeks ago both of my children came home with a food drive list. Every year the school does a food drive for needy families. I'm all for that. I give to charities like the food drive and Santa's anonymous every year. This year they had a list of specific foods. They called it the 12 days of Christmas. The first day they asked for 1 can of beans, then the next day 2 cans of something else, and so on and so on, leading up to 12 cans of tuna. Tuna is almost a dollar a can!

When I priced it all out, for one of my kids to participate in this would have cost over $150! That's $300 for both kids! I had to say no. When my son told his teacher that we couldn't participate, she tsked, said something snarky about it being for the needy, and we have to think of others this time of year. News flash, we're one step away from asking for food from the food bank!

What are these schools thinking? Don't they realize that most people aren't rich and can't afford these extras?

Vent over. What do you all think?

Give me the phone number of the idiot who is principal or who is making all these ridiculous decisions. And a little notice -- like, a month or two's worth -- would have been nice, so you could wheel and deal with friends who have kids who are older than yours and maybe get loaner clothes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Give me the phone number of the idiot who is principal or who is making all these ridiculous decisions. (And a little notice -- like, a month or two's worth) would have been nice, so you could wheel and deal with friends who have kids who are older than yours and maybe loaner clothes.

Gladly WG. Sadly I don't think they'd listen.

I'm writing a letter to them, but I'm worried about it. I can't hold back how I feel, and there's really no diplomatic way to tell them they're a bunch of jerks. ;)

Jared will be going to a new school next year as he'll be entering junior high, and this is an elementary school, but, Syd still has 3 years after this. I don't want to rock the boat, and even though I'd hope that they wouldn't make her life tougher because of my letter, they're human beings, and therefore not above that sort of thing.

I'm so upset I could cry. I told Jared he's wearing his black jeans and a nice shirt. He's upset. Not because he wants dress pants, but because he doesn't want to stand out, be the only one that didn't follow the "rules". Thanks school. You just made my child an object of ridicule! That's great! (sarcasm)

Since when do children need dress clothes for school? If that's what I'd wanted, I'd have sent them to a private school.

Alty mad. Alty really mad. :(

The last-minute notice is what really sinks my boat!

My husband and sons wear nice black jeans all the time whenever they have to wear a sport jacket or dressy sweater. (They wear black gym shoes too, for comfort.) I bet no one will notice Jared. (They'll all be asleep from the warm auditorium/gym and long program.)

Why not go to goodwill or salvation army or something like that. Get him some bright red pants and red w/green suspenders and a button down white shirt. Maybe a bow tie too :)

If he looks like Santa how can they complain ?

I used to be in the choir in Primary School, all the choirs from all the schools in my town were asked by the college to perform as background singers for their yearly production.

The production they chose was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

We had to wear these puffy silk pants that came in at the ankles (not sure what they are called) and a t-shirt with the promo for the production on it.

The SCHOOL supplied both the pants and the t-shirt because it wasn't our choice to wear those specific things.

Alty... is there any way you can contact some of the other parents? Some of Jareds friends parents and tell them your concern? Maybe you could get a bunch of kids to wear black jeans in 'protest'.

Don't worry it's just teachers, they don't live in the real world

Well first make sure the kids did not know weeks ago and just failed to mention it. Mine were really bad about that.

Next of course I normally cared less about what rules the school sent out and normally told the school secretary they could call 911 if they wanted to because I would be loud in the principals office before I left. *** and I always was.

I would have been there the next morning after such a notice demanding to know why and how and what.

Also you will see most parents ignore such informal notices, if it is not in writing from the school with proper time notice, I assume it is a request not a demand.

My school always had a dress code, in school and during school functions/outings. Usually black plants and a white blouse. I guess I never thought any different about it. I think it's only common sense that people are going to dress their kids sensibly for a Christmas concert, I don't think a dress code needs to be implied. I can't say I would send my kid in ripped up clothing and sweat shirts/pants for a concert.

I can NOT believe that they expect people to donate 12 cans of TUNA! That stuff is crazy expensive! Our food drives are always what ever you can afford or spare to give. I under stand they don't want things like 12 cans of water chestnuts or string beans, but they have to realize a lot of people just don't have that kind of cash to spare!

I was going to suggest a second hand store for the kids clothes, but I see Dad already mentioned it. I lived and still do live off second hand clothing! I know my parents didn't always have money growing up, mom couldn't afford buying me brand new clothes twice a year (September for back to school AND Christmas) I usually got one item of brand new clothing on both occasions and my mom would take me to pick out clothes from the Sally Ann!

Hi all. Well despite being mad that they made this demand, after I wrote this thread I did go to goodwill (thankfully it was open late tonight). There's nothing for Jared. Absolutely nothing.

He's going to wear his black jeans. They're brand new, we just got them last week, so I doubt anyone would even realize that they're jeans, it's not like they're washed out or anything.

I wrote a letter, but I better rethink it before I send it, I'm a bit mad and I don't come off as very nice in the letter. Surprised?

I like the idea of the Santa suit Dad. Maybe I'll put him in PJ bottoms and a loud shirt from R. If they complain I'll say "You said no jeans, you didn't say no PJ's". :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by paraclete

Don't worry it's just teachers, they don't live in the real world

Amen. Having worked as support staff in schools for a number of years, been a school governor, as wel as parent I totally concur. Teachers live in some weird bubble most of the time where everything focuses around the minutae of school life and concerns about the real world go way over their head. Although in fairness there were a few exceptions, wonderful teachers who were also wonderful people who remembered not to get stuck in their 'teacher head.'

Having said that when it comes to requests/demands from school I found many parents didn't concur a lot of the time. Sure the teachers had a bit of a mumble about it but then they had a bit of a mumble about something every day. 5 minutes after the concert they will have found something else to get focused on.

I remember just before a concert my kids were doing being told, with little notice, my daughter needed an evening dress and high heels (at 9!) and my son needed to be dressed as a snake. Sheesh... :rolleyes:

Second hand clothing stores are always good to poke around in. There is always a lot of kid stuff, and mom can get something nice too !

Thanks everyone.

I looked at the second hand store Tick. There was nothing in Jared's size. He's in that middle stage, no longer fits in kids clothes, but too small for adult clothes. He's a tall boy.

I just found out this morning that Sydney also has a specific dress code. She can't wear her hand me down Christmas dress. She must wear black bottoms (dress, skirt, dress pants, no jeans) and a white collared shirt

This just gets better and better. :(

Why oh why is this being announced at the last minute?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why oh why is this being announced at the last minute?

I talked to the principal.

She apologized for the short notice. I said fine, that's only one of my issues with this. I don't think it's right to ask parents to go out and buy specific, expensive clothes for a 1 hour school event. It's Christmas time, an expensive time of year. We are not a family that can spend extra money on frivolous items.

She told me that they had a theme for the concert, which is why they want certain clothing to be worn. She feels that if one child doesn't follow the dress code than the concert will suffer, and it won't be fair to the other kids.

Um, it's not fair to my kids! Jared doesn't want to wear his jeans, because he knows that most of the other kids (kids of parents that have no problem spending $60 on two items of clothing) will be wearing the clothing that was stipulated. Sydney at least had a fancy dress, but now that's not good enough either.

I have to say that I got a bit heated when I talked to her. I told her that if wearing a Christmas dress, black jeans and a nice shirt would ruin the concert, than so be it. The concert is for the kids and the parents, not for the school and the teachers. If any of the parents have a problem with my kids wearing the clothes they'll be wearing, they can come talk to me, but she should know, I've talked to a lot of the other parents and they all feel the same way I do.

I'm so mad I could kill Rudolph!

If it were me, I wouldn't be sending my kids.

I wouldn't want to embarrass them by putting them in clothes that they wouldn't feel comfortable in or would be made fun of for wearing.

I would also contact the school board and let them know how unhappy you are and that this is outrageous to give such short notice in this economy.

I'm going to give the kids the choice to go or stay home.

I know they're both really excited about the concert. They've been practicing these songs for months, and Sydney is in the choir this year so she's especially excited. Also, I'd love to hear them sing. This will be Jared's last concert in that school. I don't even know if they have concerts in junior high.

Sigh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I'm so mad I could kill Rudolph!

Is Rudolph the principal? I'll help.