My over 50 daughter wants to quit her job (therefore getting no severance package or COBRA), move 1500 miles to go to college (if she gets accepted to the program she wants, while paying out of state tuition) and move in with me. She refuses to answer any of my questions about how she plans to pay for college or health insurance and insists she knows what she's doing. My late husband and I bailed her out twice, but she's deeply in debt again and has multiple judgments against her. She has stopped paying her mortgage as well. My other children believe that I shouldn't allow her to move in until she 'comes clean' about her debt and can provide a plan of action that makes good sense, including how she plans to support herself and make sure she has insurance coverage. She does have some medical conditions and requires a number of prescriptions. I would like to know what her plans are, but she gets angry when asked. I would also like to have a written agreement, but don't believe that she'll actually honor it. Am I off base here?

Not at all, you have every right to have assurances before she moves in given her history. She's old enough and should be wiser to the fact that she needs to start acting like a responsible adult.

Don't allow yourself to pander to her any longer. Make her stand on her own two feet and account for her debts. This is your time to enjoy your life and freedom, not be weighed down be an irresponsible 'adult' child, which I feel in turn is only going to abuse your kind nature and will rely on you to support her in the end.

Perhaps offer information where she may get help/assistance where needed, the rest is really up to her.

I'll have to apollogise for preaching here, but I have to say my bit. When a child leaves home, the can't come back. I know we all love our children, we would do anything for them. What people need to realise is that ADVERSITY leads to growth. Making sure that your child never has to take responsibility for themselves has given us a generation of entitled, selfish, uncaring brats. I know it's harsh, but at 18, let alone 50, you have taught all you can. Only life can teach more, and it teaches harsh lessons.

Life is way to short to waste it by having this daughter force herself and her problems unto your door. You and your husband did as much as any loving,caring parents could do for this child. Yet she still didn't learn her lesson, she is still depending on you to bail her out, without having to justify herself or correct the problem herself.

We all love our children and would do anything for them, but as parents we also have to love them enough to say we will always love you but can no longer support you financially.

You don't want to alienate your other family members by this situation. I would explain this situation to your daughter advise her that she needs to make other plans, for she will be turned away from living with you.

I wish you the best, tough love is never easy! Keep us posted!