Hey, So I have a big problem with being insecure. It has been a problem for me in every relationship I have, not that my ex girlfriends would know. I hide it from them but during the relationship I beat myself up constantly, for example if my girlfriend has dinner with an ex, or when she tells me about guys hitting on her, or guys on TV she likes. I find it all so hard to hear.
I have a current girlfriend and it's all happening again. I know she loves me, but it feels kind of hollow when she says it, it's as if I don't believe it and some better guy is going to come along and offer her things I can't.
Is there anything I can do to stop myself torture? Is it all me or is it down to my girlfriends making me feel this??

I think a lot of this comes down to your own confidence issues. I honestly don't think you are comfortable enough with yourself. That is an issue you would do well to work on so it isn't projected onto your romantic relationships. I'm hoping you are able to be happy, on your own, without someone to "validate" that happiness. Try to work on your own self image and how you perceive yourself. I am shocked that you say the women you have dated don't know about your insecurities. Every woman I have dated is very good at recognizing that.

I will say that a girlfriend having dinner with an ex is a bit strange, but a fair amount of trust and communication can help you cope with something like that.

Maybe you should tell them about your insecurities
Or that maybe you have insecurities
Personally I don't see a problem in doing that, maybe some others will but its better to let her know then to not and feel uncomfortable in your relationship
Love is a really weird messed up thing, I like to call it the H.P Lovecraft of emotions and feelings
I'm sure if you sit down with her and discuss things with her and tell her how you feel everything will be fine and those insecurities will still be there, but with them being known she will make note and be considerate of them

I use to have a lot of issues like that as well. With me it was about turning around my thought process. When these girls your dating say something about other men, you start blaming yourself for things you cannot change. All the same, you can change how you feel about yourself. Make a personal list one day of the things YOU don't like about yourself. Not something has said to you or compaired to you. Then slowly read the list and really think about why you feel the way you do.

Was it an idea you came up with on your own or something else someone told you?

In the end, you HAVE to live with yourself everyday. So getting into your own mind and trying to makes sense of your thought process can help you to change that. And learn that most insecurities that people have are really nothing but an overthought idea about themselves.

Then with time you will have good confidence and when girls, boys, family members anyone says something you can take it with a grain of sand.

Remember its YOUR life and also that insecurities are a thought. A thought can be changed.

Insecurities come from our own fears that we have, and most people don't know that their words, or actions trigger them. Its basically how you react to them that cause the problems. I believe they should be talked about, but you have to convince your partner that you are working on them, and have to actually do. I also agree it comes down to knowing yourself, and being able to change yourself, and not take things so personally, or like they were directed at you.

See your fears as a reminder of a previous experience, and make the conscious effort to recognize where it came from, and react differently to it. Now maybe her having dinner with an ex reminds you of what happened in past relationships, and it triggers that fear, so instead seeing mistrust from your insecurity, see that telling you is her show of trust and honesty. That brings about a whole new felling instead of just fear.

Another thing I think YOU should consider, did you have a proper healing between relationships? This is, I think, the number one reason we carry old baggage from failed relationships to new ones. We rebound from person to person looking for happiness, when instead we fail to heal, and be happy with just ourselves. Very hard to be happy with anyone, when you are not happy with yourself, and that's where I think your fear comes from basically, an improper healing that you have carried to all your relationships.

To overcome this, and get healthy of mind, do things that make you happy without your partner, with things that you look forward to, and enjoy, all by yourself, or with friends and family. Then you will be able to deal with your fears in a healthy way, and stop torturing yourself over those feelings that sap your strength, and confidence.

Having your own accomplishments keeps you from depending on another to love you, because you will love yourself. Simple exercise, look in the mirror to start your day, and tell the one you see, "I LOVE YOU"! Do it, and believe it, and act on it, by being good to yourself.