Hi. I'm in VA. I'm a father with two kids, one is my son from a previous relationship, wasn't married to his mother. The other is my son with my wife. My wife and my oldest's mother have had issues since I started dating my wife, however, my wife has never threatened her or said bad things to her, cursed at her, etc. My ex has posted things about how she wished a 18 wheeler would hit my wife, and has recently started writing a bunch of stuff about how she's going to beat my wife (in different words, of course) and sent me and my wife a text message (to me, but she copied in my wife) saying that if she ever went near her she was going to beat the "crap" out of my wife, etc. She has also made numerous accusations about my wife and I abusing our children, etc, all over the internet where people can read it, and it's untruths. What is the best thing to do in this situation? Now she's threatening to put a retraining order on my wife for my oldest son? Is that even possible when my wife has done nothing to harm my son, made no threats, etc? And if she manages to get through the legal system and file an order, what happens with my visitation since it's apparent I live with my wife and he would HAVE to be around her with the order? I'm really confused as to what to do because my wife has tried to be nice for my son's sake and all we get is bs from my ex. She's already withheld my son from me for two months and filed cps charges which they claimed no child abuse a month into it and she withheld him for a month longer after receiving notice from cps. I feel like my wife has grounds to file a restraining order against her and her husband but that wouldn't do us any good because sometimes she has to be the one to pick up or drop off my son. I am totally at a loss here.

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Originally Posted by modelbehavior3

Hi. I'm in VA. I'm a father with two kids, one is my son from a previous relationship, wasn't married to his mother. The other is my son with my wife. My wife and my oldest's mother have had issues since I started dating my wife, however, my wife has never threatened her or said bad things to her, cursed at her, etc. My ex has posted things about how she wished a 18 wheeler would hit my wife, and has recently started writing a bunch of stuff about how she's going to beat my wife (in different words, of course) and sent me and my wife a text message (to me, but she copied in my wife) saying that if she ever went near her she was going to beat the "crap" out of my wife, etc. She has also made numerous accusations about my wife and I abusing our children, etc, all over the internet where people can read it, and it's untruths. What is the best thing to do in this situation? Now she's threatening to put a retraining order on my wife for my oldest son? Is that even possible when my wife has done nothing to harm my son, made no threats, etc? And if she manages to get through the legal system and file an order, what happens with my visitation since it's apparent I live with my wife and he would HAVE to be around her with the order? I'm really confused as to what to do because my wife has tried to be nice for my son's sake and all we get is bs from my ex. She's already withheld my son from me for two months and filed cps charges which they claimed no child abuse a month into it and she withheld him for a month longer after receiving notice from cps. I feel like my wife has grounds to file a restraining order against her and her husband but that wouldnt do us any good because sometimes she has to be the one to pick up or drop off my son. I am totally at a loss here.

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If she pulls this baloney of withholding the child again, file for contempt against her immediately.

She can threaten to file anything she wants: restraining order, complaints with CPS, etc. Until a judge says she is not to return the child, she has no grounds to withhold him. I doubt a judge will grant her request with no evidence of why your wife should not be allowed around the child.

I'd also consult an attorney about potentially suing her for harassment and/or defamation. She is publicly alleging that you are physically abusive which could hurt you in a number of ways - socially, professionally, etc.

How old is your son with your ex? How long ago was the custody order entered that gave her primary physical custody?

I did file contempt, and was stupid enough to drop them with the understanding in the courts that she know what she did was wrong and not try to do that again. I know I shouldn't have now.My son will be 4 in a couple months.

We have had joint legal with her having primary physical since the beginning because she had left and had him in another state and then moved back when he was 6 months old. Now I've heard rumors that she may be moving to NY? Is this allowed?

We went to court back in March because of withholding. She has since refused to meet us anywhere to pick up or drop off my son because of things like they don't have headlights for their car, their brakes went out, etc. I am now very anxious about them so called moving to NY, this is very far and I can't just let her move so far away with my son. Is there a way to fight her for him? Please understand that even though she has had primary physical custody, she has pawned him off on me (which I will gladly take him all the time if I could), and I have had my son for over half of the time since she moved to VA.

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Originally Posted by modelbehavior3

We went to court back in March because of withholding. She has since refused to meet us anywhere to pick up or drop off my son because of things like they dont have headlights for their car, their brakes went out, etc. I am now very anxious about them so called moving to NY, this is very far and I can't just let her move so far away with my son. Is there a way to fight her for him? Please understand that even though she has had primary physical custody, she has pawned him off on me (which I will gladly take him all the time if I could), and I have had my son for over half of the time since she moved to VA.

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If you have had your son over half the time, I think you have a good case to start trying for primary physical custody. Have you consulted an attorney in your area?

You need to file for contempt and stick to it - she's not going to stop playing games unless the court makes her. If they don't have headlights, that's their issue and not your concern - you have a right to see your child and it is her job to comply with the court order.

She cannot move the child out of state without your consent. She needs to petition the court with her request and you would then contest it; the court would make the ruling whether to allow it, if they feel it is in the child's best interests to stay or go.

Does the mother have any criminal history? What about yourself? And what about her husband?

I don't have any criminal history of violence, she has been to court a couple times suing other people for being violent, supposedly she got into a violent fight with her sister in law and she has been in other fights before. I don't know about her husband, but I haven't heard anything about him other than rumors that he smokes pot. What is the likelihood that the courts would grant her permission to move my son out of state?

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Originally Posted by modelbehavior3

I dont have any criminal history of violence, she has been to court a couple times suing other people for being violent, supposedly she got into a violent fight with her sister in law and she has been in other fights before. I dont know about her husband, but I havent heard anything about him other than rumors that he smokes pot. What is the likelihood that the courts would grant her permission to move my son out of state?

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It all depends; she needs to prove that it's in your son's best interest to relocate. What is her reason for moving?

You can always send a request to the police who have jurisdiction where she lives; my husband was shocked to find out about the police contact his exwife had after their divorce and it ultimately played a hand in the children coming to live with us primarily.

I hate to say it, but I definitely think you need to consult an attorney. This woman sounds like she has multiple issues.

Honestly the only thing I can think of her relocating is if her husband manages to get a job up there. Her parents live in NJ, but my son has more family here. He has my parents, his uncle, his mom's grandmother and aunt, then my wife's family also is all here, and then his other sibling and one on the way with us. His mom does have another baby as well with her husband, but all that's up there is her parents. I can't stand thinking that there might be the possibility of my son being taken so far away from me. He has been completely involved with me and our family and is extremely close to my parents.

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Originally Posted by modelbehavior3

Honestly the only thing I can think of her relocating is if her husband manages to get a job up there. Her parents live in NJ, but my son has more family here. He has my parents, his uncle, his mom's grandmother and aunt, then my wife's family also is all here, and then his other sibling and one on the way with us. His mom does have another baby as well with her husband, but all that's up there is her parents. I can't stand thinking that there might be the possibility of my son being taken so far away from me. He has been completely involved with me and our family and is extremely close to my parents.

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That will factor into the court's decision; they like to keep the child(ren) around family.

As I said, she cannot relocate that far without your consent. If she does, you can petition the court and she'll have to return with your son.

Okay, that's a relief. What happens if she just leaves the state with him before we go to court, I could go months without seeing him since the courts take so long. Just trying to think of all scenarios...

I feel like things are seriously blowing out of proportion with my ex. We're in VA. Now my ex is starting to stir up more problems and is trying to claim that my wife is not allowed to post pictures of my son on her Facebook without her permission too. We have joint LEGAL custody. If I give my wife permission and she posts pictures that my wife takes with her own camera, that is legal, correct? She has tagged my mother in some of the pictures with my son and my mother just happens to be friends with my ex on fb so of course she sees the tagged pictures and that they're from my wife's album even though my wife has blocked her from seeing any of her pictures because of these issues... I just want to know what's legal so my wife does not get into trouble.

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Originally Posted by modelbehavior3

Okay, that's a relief. What happens if she just leaves the state with him before we go to court, I could go months without seeing him since the courts take so long. Just trying to think of all scenarios...

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I just told you. If she leaves without your consent and without the court's consent, you file for an emergency hearing and she'll be required to return with the child.

Well what I mean is it different than if she just didn't let me have my son, if she goes over state lines, because I know that police will stay out of it and won't force her to turn him over because they couldn't do anything when she kept him from me

I suspect that from a legal perspective you're in the clear, as long as at least one custodial parent gives permission. But the issue is bigger than that - this is an issue where the law doesn't necessarily match with what's right.

My advice is to not tag your son on Facebook. I know several parents who feel very strongly about this, and get really annoyed when others post pics and tag their children, I don't kow whether their concerns are legitimate, but they are definitely real to these parents, and as a matter of courtesy it's best to not push it. Of course I don't know whether your ex's concerns are real or just to annoy you, but this is not a battle worth fighting. If you want to share pics my advice is instead of using Facebook use a web-based picture sharing account (like Picasaweb), where you can post pics and automatically notify friends and family when you have. One major advantage is that you can specify who gets to see each album, so unlike Facebook you're not blasting out notifications to every "friend."

I'm pretty sure that it's just her trying to annoy us because she is fine with her friends and family posting pictures of my son online.

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Originally Posted by modelbehavior3

well what i mean is it different than if she just didnt let me have my son, if she goes over state lines, because i know that police will stay out of it and wont force her to turn him over because they couldnt do anything when she kept him from me

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The police are right; they technically are not supposed to get involved because child custody is considered a civil matter and needs to be dealt with through the court.

Sometimes the police will "overstep" their boundaries and respond to a call or show up on the scene but ultimately, they cannot force something to happen. Take my husband's case as an example: our attorney told us not to return the children to their mother because the guardian ad litem stated she felt they were in danger while in her care. His exwife then proceeded to contact not one, but two police departments; one of them showed up on our doorstep at 9pm asking why the children weren't being returned. Bottom line: even though the court papers stated she was supposed to have custody, the officers did not force us to turn the children over to her.

Yes, her withholding the child for a visitation weekend is very different than relocating with the child. If it's for a weekend or two or three, you file for contempt and wait for the hearing. If your ex suddenly skips across state lines with the child, then you can call the police and maybe - maybe - they might do something about it. But there's still no guarantee.

That's why it is so important to file for contempt when she withholds the child; the court will begin to see a pattern if she continues the behavior.

Facebook is nothing but trouble with a capital T. If you want your friends to see pictures of your kid send them to their email addresses as an attachment. This way ex can't say peep. Also change your setting on Facebook so she can't just snoop on your FB page.

Okay so I know I asked this before, but now my son's mother is saying she is moving to NY in two months and that it's completely legal... she has not discussed this with ME, but has posted this on her Facebook page. I'm getting really nervous now, I know the best thing to do is wait and see what happens or maybe go talk with a lawyer, but I don't have the money for a lawyer right now. I'm only working part time right now because I lost my fulltime job I was at for 3 years, and I'm in school in the mornings during the week. My wife is the primary income in our home, and so far we're not behind, but we definitely don't have the money for extra lawyer costs. What am I supposed to do??

Is there visitation already through the courts?