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Well to start I broke up with my ex girlfriend about 6 weeks ago we had been dating since I was 15 yrs old we did everything together. Now 6 weeks after the break I cannot stop feeling depressed.. she is dating someone now who has his own apt a good job and he plays in 3 bands I can't help but feel I am complete loser compared to this guy.. I don't know how to get over her and stop feeling like I am inferior compared to this new guy.
It's really common to be depressed or feel some form loss. First, you need to quit comparing yourself to the new boyfriend. You're not being fair to yourself. Focus on things that you are good at and take some pride in who you are. Second, you need to realize that the world doesn't revolve around your ex-girlfriend. She is probably a really cool girl, but there are tons of really cool girls out there and you're going to run into another one sooner than you think. Learn to love yourself first. People will see your inner confidence and will like you for it. You'll be a chick magnet in no time. Just relax and focus on yourself and what you like about yourself.
You are young and there are other fish in the sea. You broke it off with her, right? You wanted to end your relationship with her, right? Why are you still allowing yourself to be involved in her "love life"? Be confident in yourself and focus on yourself not her.
It is unhealthy to compare yourselves with others and you must refrain from doing so. There are likely many good qualities about yourself that you either have and don't recognise or acknowledge or that simply have not evolved yet. You are very young and you will have plenty of good times ahead. There will be bad too but this is part of life and growing up. You will have plenty more opportunities for happiness and will likely meet a new woman. This is not the end of your book and there are many chapters yet to come, believe me. I am 26 and I have had so much happen, good and bad since I was 19 and I expect when I am 60, I will look back and be saying, golly gosh, so much happened since I was 26. Life is great in that it is a continuous learning experience, it does not stop when you reach 18 or 19, it goes on throughout your life until the day you die.
Perhaps this would be a good time to explore yourself, find out who you are and what you want from life. It may seem like this woman is all you want at the moment but it just seems that way. Focusing on you for now will help you to see through this and be much happier with the situation.
All the best!
Did you break up with her or did she break up with you? Its sounds as though she broke up with you but it isn't clear in your post!
You know I look at Donald Trump and say gosh I am certainly a loser compaired to him ( at least I don't have Rosie mad at me)
You can always find someone in life who has more money, better looks, better or more things.
You are who God made you to be, and while it is not easy to look at, early relationships normally do fall apart as you grow older because too often you also grow apart.
If she went with him for those reason, you did not need her anyway, since material things is not what a relationship is or should be about.
You go on and be the best YOU tha you can be.
You are still very young and have been in a long relationship with this girl so its only right that you are going to feel a loss !
The first cut is the deepest with young love, but there are lots more people out there and a lot more will happen in your life over the years, there will be lots of smiles to come your way, but first off you need to put yourself first, stop looking at her new boyfriend and looking at things that are better about him then you !
Go out with your friends, keep busy and don't let things get on top of you enjoy your life and take each day as it comes, after all you where the one that ended it, so there must have been something that made you do this ?
Now is time that you need to move on with your life, open a new page and start a fresh.
Hey just to clarify she broke up with me... thanks for the answers
First off, stop comparing yourself with this other guy. That will get you no where. You don't know anythign about him. From the outside he may look like gods gift to women but who knows what type of demon he may actually be. He could have a drug problem with a violent temper and have the IQ equivalent of a 2 year old. You just don't know so don't worry about him.
Secondly I know your pain. In fact we all do here. And no one will be able to tell you that it gets better fast. It doesn't. It takes time and there are a lot of ups and downs. It hurts a lot and it is a bumpy ride for a few months that's for sure.
But there are some things you can do to help yourself.
First of all please stop all contact with her. All contact. No phone calls, emails, IM's, texts etc. Nothing. Don't even say hello to her through a mutual friend. As far as your concerned she no longer exists in your life, and you won't to completely drop out of hers too.
It is now time to concentrate on yourself and helping your heart heal. A lot of people including me think it is a great idea to join a gym and workout, or simply go for a run. Getting fit and feeling good about yourself really helps. This includes eating healthy. You should also throw yourself into school, work, or any other hobbies you have. Find new things to do. Join a new club. Meet new people. Hang with your buddies and family as much as possible. Now is the time you need them and I'm sure they will be there for you!
I know it no consolation but you are still very young and have so much time ahead of you. This is a perfect opportunity to embrace single life and really get out there and have a good time. This will probably be a blessing in disguise because I'm sure when you least expect it someone even better suited to you and someone you love even more will come along. I know it doesn't feel like that now but just give it time and you will begin to heal.
But no one is kidding you. It will hurt and hurt for a while. But do the things recommended by all the great people here and I promise you it will happen a lot more quick than if you don't listen!
While you say you broke up with her so things must have been not so great at the end. When break ups happen we tend to only focus on the good moments but somehow neglect the negative moments. Focus on the reason you broke up with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Andyburnstein
So she did not feel the same way about you. To me that's a good indication you made the right move. She was receiving your heart but you weren't getting back the same kind of love.Quote:
Originally Posted by Andyburnstein
He may have his own apartment but what does that mean. Maybe his credit cards are maxed out? Maybe he has personal issues. Maybe he's the luckiest person who ever lived. That has nothing to do with you. Your focus should only be on you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Andyburnstein
And I think I'm going to get some backlash for this but if he plays in 3 bands the chances of him staying loyal to your ex are slim and none. It's just been my experience in dealing with bands that the members have a home life, and a bar/after hours life. Not to say all of them but many.
Your only inferior if you choose to be inferior. I could wake up every morning and think negative thought because Conan O'Brien has my dream job, but why be jealous of something that I can't control? You've got a lot of positives in your life and you need to focus on them and not on your supposed "negatives."Quote:
Originally Posted by Andyburnstein
The real truth is much of the time serious relationships between young people don't last. I dated a girl for 6+ years, starting in HS. So it lasted a time, but not the distance. Why? You are still growing and learning about who you are. She is too. It takes time to figure out what you want. I had one fantastic relationship end mostly because she wanted to look around.
The girl I dated for 6+ years started dating a guy in med school (she was in med school too). Id graduated and had a stable, secure life, but still, he maybe had "more going for him".
So here's the deal. You are going to feel like crap for some time. Its just the truth. I didn't seriously date anyone for almost 2 years after. I'm not saying it's the rule... but I just needed to get some things in line and be right in my head before I dated again.
She's going to be in your head for a long time. Its going to suck. And then its going to suck less. And then one day it doesn't really suck so much. And you also find other people. There's several billion people out there. While your connection with her will never be duplicated, that does NOT mean it was the best you'll ever have.
After my big breakup, I dated maybe three more girls seriously and a few others that went noplace before I found the person who was right for me. Married 7 years now.
If you would have asked me after the big breakup would I go a day without thinking about the girl id have said no way. It fades. I promise. I don't promise a lot of things when giving advice. But I promise its going to suck for a time, and then it'll fade in time. Promise.
What you need to do is get her out of your head. So what if she's with another guy. It means nothing about you. If she dumped you for a druggie loser you'd be kicking yourself for losing her to an idiot. You just don't do that comparison.
So time to focus on you. Feel a little sorry for yourself, but not too much. Keep busy. Do things to improve yourself.
Here's a big one - I dated a girl later who had also lost a big love and she was having a hard time being in a relationship. Her ex was not only in one, but quickly married. I had to tell her "isnt it twisted that this guy is keeping you from being happy, when hes already moved on and is happy. dont ever let your ex screw your life up anymore... "
So there you go. Leap of faith. It'll get better.
TELL IT LIKE IT IS kp! Sorry had to spread the rep:mad:
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