I recently lost my mother, she passed away on November 26, 2010 when she succumb to a very quick lung cancer. We only found out in August that she had cancer, and from then on, things went from bad to worse. When she passed away, I felt myself go into shock. And now I don't know if I'm just coming out of it, or losing myself completely. I feel like I'm dying of a broken heart. My mom and I were really close. Our relationship was almost like neither one of us could live without the other, and now I have to live without her. I don't know how. I'm constantly crying, I'm constantly missing her, and thinking of her. People tell me to try and accept it, to try and think of the good times, but even that doesn't help... I really don't know what to do, or how to do it. I don't even know why I'm posting here... I'm just looking for help anywhere I can get it...

You are grieving,and what your feeling is natural.

When you lose someone you care about very deeply the hurt goes right to the very core of your being,that is not easy to accept,but in time you get used to living without their physical presence.

For most people it takes a good year to finally accept the death and the circumstances around it,and the following year (year 2) to finally adjust.

For now,just grieve,maybe start a journal about your mam,pictures,stories about her,things you remember,all this will help.

Talking about her with friends and family, and talk to her too,if you feel you need to talk to a grief councillor do that,some people never feel the need others do,its totally up to you.

As I said grief is personal,everyone is different.

I'm not saying these things from a textbook but from experience,I did not lose my mother,but my daughter, its been 3 years and I still think about her everyday, sometimes I cry and cry,but mostly now I can remember her and smile,you will get to that stage too,be nice to yourself, and talk about it.

Just to add,doing something in her memory can help,perhaps when your ready you could try and think of something to do for cancer research, running a marathon or a fund raiser.

Just know in your heart that she will always be there in you heart and she always is watching you. For the crying try doing things that would make you feel better. She will be happy if u are. I never experienced this but that's what I would do and know that you will never be alone.. you have the people around you who love you and would listen to you and help you during this hard time

So sorry to hear this Danielle. It's very, very hard to move forward but inevitably we do. I'm sure your mother knew you would be sad but if she could talk to you again she would want to know that you would be happy again. For now find some moments of happiness, and moments where the rawness of the grief can be alleviated just for short periods.

One thing that can be helpful is to have a shower and really concentrate on how you are feeling physically, enjoy the sensations of the water, the warmth, take deep breaths and breathe in the steam, and think about how it all feels. It can be good to move out of our headspace even for a short period. Going for walks is also good, the fresh air and exercize are so beneficial.

I can only suggest small strategies I am so sorry, I wish I could ease your pain, I can't but I would like to know you could get some short periods of relief. Be gentle and patient with yourself.

Hi. I am also in your position. My mum died 6th October 2011 (2 weeks ago) and have no understanding how I will get through this. What I am doing is putting to the forefront of my mind how upset my mum would be if she were to see me in this way, so today I got up early, went for a run, had a lovely bath and put on my make-up and did my hair, the rest of the day will now take care of itself.

Think about it... what would your mum say to you right now if she were around and seen you in a bad place emotionally.

Thinking of you

From an empathetic listener.
Wendy (Scotland UK)