My fiancé and I got engaged about a month ago this weekend, and just last week she got a text from her ex asking how she was doing. She told me she didn't respond because she didn't know what to say. This same ex she broke up with to be with me. She tells me that now she is having regrets for the way she just broke up with him and is in question about whether it was the right thing to do and for the right reasons. We have a wedding date planned and set for may of 2011 and she is saying she's confused about whether we are getting married for the right reasons. None of this has come into play until he texted her. She all of a sudden feels like she still has love for him in the ways she doesn't feel it for me and has love for me in the ways she didn't feel it with him. She said it has been in heer nature to run away in the past when it came to commitment but she did so without letting the other guy know... she just left them. She is being really honest with me saying that she needs space, and just told me (after going back and forth on this idea) that she doesn't feel we should spend the two weeks together for christmas that we have planned. She is telling me "I need to figure out things with [him] but without breaking my commitment with [me]". I understand the mixed emotions she is having towards that and needing a little space to think things over and level out her emotions, but should I be worried that we are going to split up? Should I be worried that her ways of figuring things out with him might be going back to him? Her mom offered to pay for my flight if I wanted to go home for christmas, and I'm supposed to be flying there in 9 days. Should I cancel my flight there and just go home seeing as how all I have to go on is what she tells me, or should I wait and see if after a few days she has a change of heart? Should I just go there and help her sort this out together with me being a couple?

It sounds like your fiancée definitely has commitment problems and seems to exhibiting towards you because of your oncoming marriage. Honestly, if she is still this indecisive and showing possible feelings for an ex, than she probably isn't someone you should be calling you are fiancée. it sounds as if you guys were to get married anytime soon, her indecisiveness and fear of commitment would ultimately lead to a divorce one day.
Rather than completely agreeing to her idea of pursuing this ex and canceling spending Christmas with you, you should communicate your feelings and what you want to her, because her actions seem very selfish and inconsiderate to her feelings. An ex-boyfriend should be one of the last things on her mind, especially when it comes to her fiancée. if she is letting an former relationship come between yours, than she is obviously having trouble with her priorities.
If she left him, it was for a reason, and she shouldn't be interested in anything other than an apology if it is deemed necessary.
Communication is key. You both need to speak to and listen to what the other has to say in a safe and secure manner without letting it escalate into a fight.
Try using I-statements or XYZ statements to convey your feelings without upsetting each other such as saying "i feel disrespected right now" rather than "you disrected me" (I-statement) or "when you say you want to cancel our vacation and go see your ex i feel disrespected" (xyz staement). I don't know how you actually feel but these are examples.

Good luck.

I think I would leave her alone to figure this out herself for sure. Make other plans with your own family.

I don't know what she will come up with but, it has to be on her own, without your influence. Hope for the best but, prepare for the worst, is the way I would go about this!

It's a big red flag when a simple text can change someone's mind, and future plans, and sounds like an excuse to me. She may be looking for any excuse to get out of this. Don't box her in, let her decide if she wants to be in, or out.

aurora_rena- please use proper punctuation and capitalization.

OP- You need to realize forst off that nothing you can do will make her love you or make her stay. This is her decision and her issue she must work out. Yes it sounds like she is second-guessing and trying to self-prioritize but let her do what she needs to.

Comment on aurora_rena's post
So do you think by giving her time to sort this out I should not call or text even if it's a simple I love you? I'm trying to get all differents angles on this because I'm almost 25, in the military, and finally have everything I want with her.

Comment on talaniman's post
I understand the red flag, but she does tell me she has done this and wants to deal with our situation differently versus running away like she has before. By saying she wants to maintain her commitment with me should I still worry about her ex?

After talking to her about both of your needs, if she wants no contact during this time then you should respect it, though this does not seem like a situation that calls for NC. Communicate openly and honestly while respecting the others needs.

A fiancée of mine would have to a lot clearer with her terms for me to be able to co operate with her. I am sure you asked her for some clarity didn't you?

Though I think the capitalization comment was unnecessary, I do apologize for the typos I found in my post. It seems you understood what I meant to say. I hope this is true. I hope I helped.

Yes and I'm not getting it right now. We have gon back and forth on this for over a week now and she keeps having a change of heart telling me she wants me, but the next min ute isn't sure. Now she says she is tired of talking

Then stop talking, she will let you know when she figures it out.

Thank you. I'll take the advice along with what's been given to me by family. I fear the worst, but I'll try to keep my head up. Its hard to do without clarity, but ill live it one day at a time. Thanks again

Comment on aurora_rena's post

How should I deal with the situation when she contacts me?

Should I be reluctant to accept if she wants to remain together and be hard to get or would it be best to give in and try to get back to the way it was?

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should I be reluctant to accept if she wants to remain together and be hard to get or would it be best to give in and try to get back to the way it was?

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Absolutely do not play hard to get! That doesn't work! By playing hard to get you will definitely drive her away. If she doesn't want to talk, you can respect that, if she does contact you, just be yourself. Don't cling to or smother her, just tell her what you want, how you feel, show confidence and clarity when it comes to your feelings. If you feel what she is doing is wrong, communicate that, indecisiveness can and will get old. If you want to support what she is doing, then do so. Ultimately it is up to you.

Again, playing hard to get is a no no. be honest with her and yourself.

Yeah that does make sense. I need the clarity so I can be myself cause right now with the thought of knowing nothing is keeping my mindset from being anywhere other than in the dumps.

You should be yourself anyway! If you can't stand for yourself, you will fall for anything. She is the one with issues, so why should you suffer for them.

Couples solve their problems together or they do it apart. Which do you think has the better future?

While I understand being down in the dumps over not knowing what she will do, I don't understand staying there. I don't understand being in limbo either. How is that fair to you? How long have you been together, just curious because you said that she broke up with him to be with you, and rebound relationships, without a proper healing , always makes me suspicious.

Sorry guy, I just smell a big rat.