I come from a broken home, my parents divorced when I was 12, I've been threwn all over the US, by that I mean I've lived in 7 different states and have gone to 11 different schools and I'm only 15 in the 10th grade, I'm in Alabama now for good and homeschooled, my cousin (by marriage) has a bipolar disorder and she was the first one I've ever met with that disorder, after getting to know her better and seen the relations with us and what we have in common I have thought maybe I'm bipolar but never went to get checked out, well about a month or so ago my mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schitzophrenia (sorry if mispelled), well now I'm really worried I may be too. As a child I was put threw a lot of stuff I shouldn't have dealing with family and drugs, my mom was an alcoholic from the time I was 6 to the time I was 10, on my moms side every aunt and unkle I have ihas been involved with drugs for as long as I can remember, but anyway... I went threw a lot as a child and had to grow up and mature faster than normal which has always made me different, well now being homeschooled I spend my time locked in my room alone, I never really talk to my mother and I now I can't confide in her and that's why I'm here asking all you strangers a well having all this wrong and spending 97% of my time alone I have a very low self esteem, I gues impretty depressed to be honest. I don't know how to fix this problem, I have no school councelors to talk to, no family I can trust with my feelings, so no one to talk to, it gets rather lonely. I've always had a badd temper, the smallest thing or remark can tick me off. I don't want to be like this, I'm scred ill be like this forever and I just don't know what to do. I've always wondered what's wrong with me? But now its to the extreme. When I do have social contact I can never find the words to say, so I remain quiet the whole time. I hate this about me and I want to change it. I wish I never doubted myself. Is this all in my head? Do I seem like I may be suffering from something? Is it all just a part of being a teenager and having the need to "find myself"? Or am I just being selfish? Help please.this the first time I came out about how I truly feel so all the help I can get will be greatly appreciated.

You mentioned you don't have school counselors since you're home schooled, so that's out. Is going to any therapist an option? Are you able to afford it? If not, maybe check around some of the churches in your area. I don't know a whole lot about it, but one of our experts mentioned the other day to someone else that many religious leaders (pastor, priest, father, etc. whichever church you might end up visiting) do have training in therapy and will often counsel you even if you're not religious.

It's so hard to say whether anyone might have anything, especially without seeing someone in person. But it does sound like you've been through a lot. Moving around so much, problems with parents, mental health issues in the family, and being alone is a lot to handle.

Sometimes it also just helps to have friends. I imagine being home schooled makes it difficult to meet people your age. But maybe you can check out your local community center or start volunteering as a way to meet people. Volunteering could be really great for you actually-not only will you be meeting people, helping others can also help you feel better about yourself and boost yourself esteem and happiness.

I'm so glad you posted. Stick with us. Lots of people here are willing to help you find your way.

Who is in charge of your homeschooling?

Are you in a city, town, or rural area?

How easy is it for you to get out, and is there anything worth getting out to do or see?

I have gone through the same thing and my emotions fly all the time I get extremely angry I can't control it sometimes or I get so sad I can't stop crying it may just be the tough times take a toll on our emotions
And I am here to talk to I am also alone and it does make me very also people I could talk to are gone they left me so just know many people on this web site are here to talk

Well even with being homeschooled I do still have some of my friends from school, but its just not the same I rarely get to see them. After xmas break I'm suppose to go back to my old high school which should bring me some hapiness. I think the reason I'm so sad is cause this past few months have been insane. I lost a very great group of friends I use to go see and stay with every weekend, they were more of a family to me themn my own. On October 20th my unkle Joe passed away... he had a heartattack and his some being an EMT tried to revive him on the spot.. which happened to be on the side of the road. And I never realized it till that happened but my unkle Joe was more of a dad to me then my own. My dad lives hundreds of miles away in California, after an incident in summer 09' I stopped going to see him, I haven't spoken to him since besides this Thanksgiving I decided to send him a text to tell him I loved him and happy Thanksgiving. Hours later he decided to reply and even sent me the wrong text he was trying to sen to my brother! That really hurt but then he said oops... happy thanksgiving sweetie(what he use to always call me). You'd think id mean a little more to him to where he wouldn't send me the wrong text and to not even say ilove you? Anyway, here recently.. I believe the 9th my great grandmother passed away.. that ones a much longer complicated story. So both these deaths in the family(especially my unkle Joes) have played a preety big toll on my heart.and not being able to see any of my good friends from my group, I feel like I've lost myself.. I don't get it though, I should be use to it after having to completely restart my life eveery yr or so moving away and making new friends. I feel like I've just completely quit on life. I don't even try anymore. And its depressing cause I use to be sooo happy. I lovee basketball, and my seventh grade yr we won county! My eighth grade yr we came in second! But now I don't even play. My stepdad is my former basketball coach(as well as math teacher/bus driver/ asst. Principal) from 7th and 8th yr... so I always go to his games with my mom... well I can't stand it! I miss basketball! I miss school! I miss my old friends! I miss my dad, my unkle Joe, my great gmaw Lil, and my whole old life I use to have! Am I too obsessed with my past or something?

I'm so sorry your uncle and great grandmother died. It's always tough to lose family members, but especially those you are close to. I'm glad you'll be going back to your old school after Christmas break. Why were you being homeschooled? When the past was filled with happier times, it's very easy to want to go back to those days. I would love to go back to being ten years old again, back when every new day was fun and exciting. :)

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