Here's the story:
When we first started a relationship, I always stated it clear that I just wanted to have fun and to have someone to be with. Also, I said out loud, and very clearly, that "I do not want to get too far with this, so please try not to love me too much" (Sound very... I don't know.. weird right? But that's exactly what I said).

So we became couple. We went out on dates, talked, held hands etc... but No Sex! Apart from being faithful and helpful to him, I never ever did anything too much to lead him into falling for me any harder. I also told him about my dark side, my bad habits, weird hobbies etc...
And after 1 month, yes, just one month, he wanted to take the relationship to the next level, he wanted to commit! He wanted to be "The one: for me. He wanted to be with me for the rest of his life _ _!!

I mean, what the heck, I'm a control freak, I have trust issue and anger issue, not just on some particular person, on almost everyone (I told him that too!) and he still wanted a commit relationship!
But like I said, I didn't want any kind of commit relationship so I had to refuse. At first I talked and explained to him gently why I didn't want to go anywhere soon. But the more I tried to talk him into not loving, he loved me More! And I had to use the hard, mean way to get rid of him.

This kind of stuffs has happened so many time before, and I don't want it to Ever happen again! At least not until I'm fully ready to settle down, which is still a lo~~~ng way to go.

Every times I hurts one of them I don't feel anything. I even thought they were stupid for falling in love with someone like me, and that I already warned them but they chose to be the may flies and headed straight for the fire to end their lives (hell I even told them This yet they wouldn't listen!).

But I don't want to keep doing this, I'm tired of doing this. I just want to have my fun and have someone by my side to talk to, nothing less, nothing more. Can anyone help me? Is there anything I can do to stop wanting to commit with me?

The more time you spend with a person the closer you become.

My only suggestion would be to just hit and skip date... don't stick with just one person or you're just asking for a repeat.

Well the thing is I like that person a lot, but not enough to commit, I still have a long plan in front of me, don't want to commit now, just want to have fun. And I thought guys were supposed to Not want to commit when girls were technically longing for it, but in my case it's completely opposite.
And like I said, I have some ve~ry serious issues, and I'll probably end up hurting them if they get too close, why can't it get through their heads??

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Originally Posted by Aleeravilu

I'll probably end up hurting them if they get too close, why can't it get through their heads???

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You weren't kidding when you said you have control issues. You can't dictate other people emotions. Even if you warn them about your issues (what are you doing to work on them anyway?), if you're hanging out with them on a regular basis, they are bound to start feeling closer to you (had to spread the rep devorameira).

You say you don't want a committed relationship. But that's not what your actions say. Sex is not the only thing most of us fall for. A lot of people will fall harder for someone that they've spent quality time with- people that they've gone on dates with, held hands with, and had help them.

Technically I like helping everyone around me, and I can hold hands with whoever needs it. As long as it makes them feel comfortable, I'm good (because I enjoy doing it anyway). This is the point here, I'm good to everyone, they just get to spend more time with me, more than enough to know how I can be bossy, choosy, selfish and mean.
And yes I'm not kidding when it comes to my issueS. I didn't say I wanted them to follow exactly what I said. You seem to have misunderstood the type of control freak I'm talking about here, so check this

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http://sites.google.com/site/selfhelprelationships/controlfreak

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. And it's the fact that I always hurt them in the end if they try to get too close (not just probably!)
Do I have to act like a b***** in order for them not to want to commit to me? I can't do that!
I've seen many people gone through many fun non-commit relationship, they're also nice and helpful and they even have sex (maybe it's not the biggest issue here, but somehow sex does mean something in a relationship right?). But either party wants to overstep the border. Why can't I be the same?

So in essence you just want to be friends, so why are you giving the speech about not committing and don't 'love me too much'! that's quite an assumption to make at introduction level.

The guys are not doing this you are,you are making all the right moves for them to fall in love with you,your hitting them in their minds and emotions.

Dating in its essence is getting to know someone before you make a decision to take it to the next level, if you just want to have fun do it with your friends,when you give the speech you open the way for a 'maybe down the line' relationship, and then your upset when the guy falls for you.

Just be friends without giving the speech, then when your ready for a relationship start dating.

I mean I want an OPEN relationship, meaning both parties are free to do what they want. Just have fun, fool around. I don't want to do anything more than that

And I know how easy it is to fall in love with someone who appears to be kind and nice. That's why I have to warn them, about not falling too deep in love with me

Can I ask is it a friends with benefits situation your talking about?

That rarely works out, as once you start spending time with someone emotions surface, someone always gets hurt.

Could I ask what age you are?

I really want to have someone to cuddle, to lean on, to hold hands, to share moments together, to miss, to think about, so that means I want a boyfriend. But I don't want a serious relationship. I don' want to move in together or have sex or get married, stuffs like that.
I'm just 19, started dating when I was 16. The guys I dated are around 18-26.
I still have my 13-year plan to accomplish my final goal, so I can't get serious now. I explained everything very clearly to them, from very early stage as I've mentioned above. And I even let them see the worst, ah no, the very bad side of me, yet they still want to commit.
I'll repeat the question above, is there any way other than becoming a bad person who doesn't help anyone nor stay faithful nor kind in order for them not to want to get serious with me?

No, it's not a friend with benefits that I'm seeking. Full answer below,

And they should be worried about their own career too, not love life at such young age.And like I said, many people pull this through without going serious or hurting anyone, why can't I?

If you date lots of guys and just have fun without any serious conversations, certainly any guy you date who wants to "commit" will realize you don't want to.

Where did all these commitment-desiring guys come from? Most the men I've known (and my friends have known -- so it's not just me) throughout my life have avoided ANY talk of commitment until after maybe two or three years' worth of exclusive dating. And then the female had to bring it up.

Where do you get this idea that many people pull this off without getting serious or hurt? Sounds like too much TV. Because it sure isn't reality.

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I really want to have someone to cuddle, to lean on, to hold hands, to share moments together, to miss, to think about, so that means I want a boyfriend. But I don't want a serious relationship. I don' want to move in together or have sex or get married, stuffs like that.

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Having sex and moving in isn't the only way to make a relationship serious. What you described, is exactly what I would describe as a serious relationship. That's what usually happens when you have a boyfriend, things turn serious. It doesn't matter if you're nice and helpful to everyone or not. When you're faithful to these guys and call them your boyfriend, you are leading them on. If you don't want a committed relationship, then stop committing to them. It's not fair to them if you don't want to be in a relationship for you to start a relationship with them. Isn't that really the meanest thing to do? To say you don't want a relationship but then do all of the behaviors that go along with a relationship just to break it off as soon as they verbalize their desire to stay in the relationship and become even closer?

That's why I find it so very weird, because most guy I ever dated ended up wanting to commit...
But dating other guys means cheating, I can't do that. It's wrong even for an open relationship. I do talk and have lots of fun with the other guys though.

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Originally Posted by Aleeravilu

That's why I find it so very weird, because most guy I ever dated ended up wanting to commit...
But dating other guys means cheating, I can't do that. It's wrong even for an open relationship. I do talk and have lots of fun with the other guys though.

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What do you consider an open relationship? You can only cheat when you are in a committed relationship. You keep saying you don't want a committed relationship but that is exactly what you keep describing. If you just want to have fun then date different guys and stop committing to them.

I think its safe to say, that you want the benefits of a relationship, at the same time, having the back door open and the car running when 'they' take your signals 'wrong'.

When you say, "So we became couple. We went out on dates, talked, held hands etc" things like that, it takes an understanding on both parts, to consider yourselves as a 'couple'. A friendship is not the same as a couple relationship.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. You want as you say, "I really want to have someone to cuddle, to lean on, to hold hands, to share moments together, to miss, to think about, so that means I want a boyfriend. But I don't want a serious relationship." That, is wanting your cake, and eating it too.

If you don't want a relationship, you can't have a boyfriend. To play by your rules and have a two way relationship going on that goes beyond friendship, and then wonder why they want a committed relationship, is a little bass ackwards in my opinion.

You know that you are not ready to commit, you don't want anything serious, and yet, that is what you end up with because you allow things to develop past a movie and popcorn night.

I think you'll have to be more clear, and think more about the person you consider a 'friend', when clearly they know and see that you want and allow more, than simple friendship. If you can make even a list of what you see as friendship, vs. what you see as a relationship, and try to come up with a clear understanding between the two, it would be easier for you to draw boundaries, and know when they are being crossed.

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dating other guys means cheating, I can't do that.

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In high school, I dated Skip and Gerry and Larry and Dale and Bob and Kenny (and a few more whose names I've forgotten). They all knew I dated around (everyone dated around). There was hand-holding and some kissing, but no sex or commitment of any kind. We went to movies and to Dairy Queen and to church picnics. We just had fun and got to know each other. For instance, Larry had asthma and struggled to breathe when he kissed me. Bob decided he was too handsome to spend time with me, so two dates was all I went on with him. Kenny always had manure on his shoes (he was a farmer's son), so I was not impressed riding with him for seven miles in a heated car on winter evenings to get to the movie theater.

In college I dated Lars and Howard and Carl and Russ more than once and lots of guys only once. We always had fun -- movies, shopping, pizza, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, campus bonfires and plays and hootenannies (yes, a long time ago).

Commitment wasn't even in our vocabulary.

You're just too much for one guy to handle, so have mercy on them, and spread the love. When you're ready pick one, but until then,

"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" - Isley Brothers 1970's

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy

Oh, they will still want a commitment, don't trip, just say NO!!

To me, an open relationship is like being an unofficial couple, we commit to each other at the minimum level, just Minimum and both parties are absolutely free to leave if he/she finds someone special.
If you consider a date means holding hands and kissing then no I don't date anyone besides my unofficial boyfriend.
If not, if dates are just hanging around, going to parks, having ice creams etc.. Then yes I date many guys.
And yes I have a long list of comparisons between friendship and relationship so I know where the border lies.
But he is the one I spend more time with. The thing here is, as Jake2008 said down there, I want benefits in a relationship. I want to have someone to spend time with, to share, to have fun, but not to hang around forever. I really freak out at the idea of spending the rest of my life with anyone now.
I just don't get it, even after I did everything to warn them about my not wanting a commitment ever and my still fooling around with a lot of guys, I even said it in their faces I don't want to go anywhere far with them, they still want to commit.
And yes, I said No, very clearly and politely, but then they all become needy and start to care for me A Lot more. That just plain freaks the hell out of me. So I have to use the ultimate method, to get as mean as I can and go NC with them. They were all very nice guys, just not for me..
Thanks for the advices guys.