I'm thirteen and well I have a problem... I'm pregnant. It wasn't planned at all it just happened I never intended to have sex, but I was high and I coudnt stop. My stepdad is racis and I'm having a half black child he going to kill me what should I do. I neeeeeeeeeed help I live wit my step parents and they just give me a hard time and now I'm the whore of the house

1. Why are you being irresponsible when you're high, when you're high you can control what you're doing, its not like alcohol
2. why didn't you take the right precautions?

The three options you have are adoption, abortion or keep the baby..
Its not advised that you keep the baby as you're still so young and by the sounds of it immature and irresponsible but its completely your decision. Abortion is a quick solution but can have lasting mental effects on you and adoption can tear you apart. One rule is that if you're not ready to have a baby, don't have sex or take the right precautions with using a condom, its not always the guys responsibly you know! Do your step parents know that you're pregnant? If not, and it may seem scary but you have to tell them or someone that is a close family friend (I don't mean your friends).. an aunt, cousin, sister, grandmother, etc. you can't deal with this by yourself - you are not emotionally, physically or mentally ready to bring a baby into this world or make the right decisions.

I agree with ramona. Why are you so irresponsible when you know that your going to drink and at first you should know your limitations. You never intended to have sex? But you did. You must control yourself when your drinking with someone else. Are you not close to them? Do you think that they can kill you if you tell them the truth? Parents can't let their daughter alone with this kind of situation. Most of the parents forgive their child even if it hurts them..

You really need to think very carefully on what decisions you would take. Think of the do's and don't of this pregnancy.

First, have you filed charges against the father? You were raped! Even if you gave consent, you are probably under the age of consent so it was a rape. This might help you with your parents.

Second, as noted you have three options here. Going to term with the pregnancy may involve health risks as your body may not be developed enough to go through a pregnancy. You need to ask your doctor about this. If you go to term, then you can plan on giving the child up for adoption or keep and raise the child. That latter option is one I would not recommend. You are too young and clearly too immature to be raising a child. You are still a child yourself.

If you can't talk to your parents about this, then talk to a counselor at your school or a clergyperson or your doctor. Yes you NEED help, but you need it from a professional who will know the situation in your area, know what support groups and other resources you can tap into.

You post is a cry for help and I've tried to give you advice to help you deal with the situation you find yourself in. But you also need additional help. You need to deal with the issue of "getting high". You don't say what you were high on, but you need to understand that getting high on anything reduces your ability to control yourself. You need to get control of your addiction to whatever it was. Use this as a wakeup call to turn your life around. Its not too late for you. But you need to take a conscious step. You need to change the circle of friends you hang out with, you need to stop putting yourself in a position where drugs or alcohol are available to you, you need, in short, to learn self control.

Hopefully you can get the help you need.

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Originally Posted by ramona_

1. why are you being irresponsible when youre high, when youre high you can control what youre doing, its not like alcohol
2. why didnt you take the right precautions?

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Talk about irresponsible! I was tempted to give you a reddie here, but that would violate the rules about using them.

The OP needs help, not admonition. The "right precautions" in this case was not putting herself in a position where she could be raped.

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Originally Posted by nanzylim

i agree with ramona. why are you so irresponsible when you know that your going to drink and at first you should know your limitations. You never intended to have sex? but you did. you must control yourself when your drinking with someone else.

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"Know your limitations"?? This is a 13 yr old!! What was she doing getting high in the first place? And there was no mention of what she was getting high on. Drinking makes you LOSE control so telling someone to "control yourself when your drinking" is an oxymoron.

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I don't disagree that the OP needed a lecture about her lifestyle and about her choices that got her into this position. But first and foremost she was asking for help dealing with the situation she finds herself in. Both of your responses do precious little to provide that help. Instead you just make her feel even worse then she currently feels.

She was raped. Yes she put herself into a position where rape became possible, but that doesn't change that fact.

I'm not going to give you a lecture. It's too late for lectures now. I'm sure you feel bad enough without us making you feel worse. But, as has been said, this is going to be a life changing event any way it ends up.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Going to term with the pregnancy may involve health risks as your body may not be developed enough to go through a pregnancy. You need to ask your doctor about this.

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I'm going to agree with Scott here. As a nurse, I can tell you that your body is way too young to carry a baby to term. While healthy babies are born to girls your age, there are also some serious risks.

Down's Syndrome is common in pregnancies at your age. So is Gestational Diabetes. This is a form of Diabetes that is only present during pregnancy, but can cause you to be diabetic later in life and can present some serious risks to the baby. Another one is PIH. That means Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. Now, that means that it is a form of high blood pressure you may get only while pregnant. This can put you at risk for seizures and can cause you to have an emergency C-Section.

And, the biggest risk of all is premature delivery. Your body is not done growing and doesn't have the room for a baby that an adult has. Because of this, you may have the baby way early. If you do, it would have to be in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for a very long time racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars. There are other risks with having a premature baby as well, such as lung problems and mental retardation, just to name two.

I am all for pro-choice, yet I don't advocate abortion. However, in your situation with your age and your family dynamics, I think this might be in your best interest.

OK fine.

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OK fine.

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Ok fine what? Care to elaborate?

Being and getting high is part of being immature, and esp at 13, That shows a lot of wrong choices long before having sex.

You need to make some choices in life and a 13 year old having a baby that does not understand that getting high is wrong is not a good thing.

Next why this person, was it just because your step parent does not like black so you pick a black person to be with to lash out at them more ?

You need counseling and help for your adiction issue and for life style problems. And of course if you have not told your parents, that has to happen ( they will find out anyway)

But yes, call the police for the boy having sex with you, that is illegal in many ways.

Decide if adoption could be a good choice perhaps.

And start taking responsibility for some of your actions.

"Drinking makes you LOSE control so telling someone to "control yourself when your drinking" is an oxymoron".
Someone can control him/herself when drinking. I'm pretty sure about it. And its my opinion.

nanzylim [?]

Comment on ScottGem's post
OK fine.

Comment on ScottGem's post
"Drinking makes you LOSE control so telling someone to "control yourself when your drinking" is an oxymoron".
Someone can control him/herself when drinking. I'm pretty sure about it. And its my opinion.

Some things are subject to opinion others are not. This is a situation where its not. It is a proven fact that drinking impairs judgment. Impaired judgment means a person is not in total control of what they do. While its true that drinking in moderation does not necessarily involve loss of control, that's not what we are talking about it here. We pride ourselves on the advice given out here. And your advice was totally inaccurate and not very helpful.