He walked out on our family when our second child was 9 months old. We are going to divorce court in less than a week and now I am pregnant with our third child. How did it happen? Well, he was depressed about his life and I felt sorry for him. He stayed the night, we had sex and now I'm pregnant. We had condoms, but didn't use them one time during the weekend. We were irresponsible and now a precious life was created. I have no idea what to do. I don't believe in divorce, but he wanted a divorce and so am being forced into a divorce. I don't believe in abortions, but I believe this would be a selfish move to have not two, but three children without a father in the home. Help?

First depending on the state they may not allow the divorce to be final till the baby is born. So you may want to notify your attorney. That way after the child is born, the new child is included in the custody and child support requirements.

But you support three like you were going to support two, the best way you can, hopefully with support of other family and friends.
And hopefully with a X that will step up to the plate and be a father even if not a husband

Have you tried to talk to your husband about this pregnancy?

Honestly I don't know what to really say, I know that you stated you don't believe in abortion, but yet neither one you as adults made any attempt to use protection that you stated was on hand.

I want to say that as a christian that I am totally against abortion, but I also realize that is all very easy to make that judgment when your not in this type of situation. I want to believe that I am more open to understanding the desperation you must feel, that you are going through a divorce, having to already raise two small children, having all this emotional burden is a lot for anyone to handle.

We have all gone through some difficult breakups, and yes most of us have done some stupid things trying to possible get this person back, so I can see were things just get out of hand.

With that being said, do we pay for those mistakes for rest of our lives. Do we play the self sacraficing role, were we take on more burden the what we can really handle financially or even emotionally. If we do are we just being blind to the needs of the other 2 children, will you be able to still be able to take care of them while having to worry about this new emotional issue.

I would make a list of both pro's and con's. If you feel comfortable I would seek advice from family,friends and even counselor you need really know your options. Then after seeing on paper what those pro's and con's are and what other family members say, if they will help or not. You will need to make decision, you will have to go with your gut feelings what is best for your family, for in the end only you will know what is best, and may I add this as my own opinion----I would ask for some special guidance from the Lord on this matter.

How far along you are will determine some of your choices.

First call your lawyer. Find out what your legal situation is.

Then you are going to have to tell him and his lawyer.

Why does he want a divorce? Are you afraid that he might sees this as an attempt to hold on to him?

Is adoption a thought you might want to entertain?

I don't want to be indelicate, but are you positive he is the father? Is there even the slightest chance someone else could be?

I am 2 weeks pregnant. He no longer has a lawyer because his lawyer asked to be removed as counsel since he would not pay and/or return the lawyer's calls. He knows this was not an attempt to hold on to him because I was accepting the situation.

He is the father and he did not question it because he kows that I am faithful to him to a fault and he also knows my views on marriage and christianity. I believe he did this on purpose and I am equally to blame for being selfish and irresponsible. I hate myself more than anything else right now. I am so much smarter than this. I know better, yet I'm now in this worst predicament of my life. All I have is my faith...

He said he did not want to keep the baby. We are obviously disposable to him. He has moved on with his life. I don't want my other 2 children to suffer... we have things hard as it is with me being the only caretaker. I still can't believe this is my life. How did I get here? How could I be so irresponsible? Why can't I accept him for who he is and stop wanting the man I married to reappear?

I have no support as he moved me far away from my family and then he moved to another state. I am struggling to take care of my 2 children now (ages 1 and 3). I hate myself for this predicament. I need divine intervention... Lord, hear my prayers.


Edited for clarity/T

Please use the Answer Box at the bottom of the page instead of the Comment Box. It will give you more room to respond.

Are you absolutely certain that you are pregnant? Have you had the pregnancy confirmed by your doctor?

Is Adoption a possibility?

Yes, I am certain. I knew before taking the pregnancy tests. I am confirming with a doctor today. Not sure about adoption. Really not sure about much these days. Remaining still and praying...

Okay so we know for sure, and he knows as the father, yet wants nothing to do with situation. He as moved as far away as possible.

Have you involved family members as to the situation? Let BOTH SIDES know of the new pregnancy and that he has left the family in financial need. He is not paying any support, nor is attempting to. See if any family member will help you get attorney were you can file for support, you might want to post something in the family law section, there are some really good experts that are on this site who are also very compassionate.

I would also speak with your doctor about your options. Explain to him what you are going through and that you are financially burden right now, what are his suggestions. You have suggested abortion, but what about adoption, it is another option, were the adopting parents will pay for all your medical needs, its just another choice.

Let us know what the families have to say about this situaition, you may find the answer to your prayers by making some calls!!

Sorry for your situation, as going through a divorce is hard enough, but having a child has to add a lot of stress. I think you start with telling your legal counsel all the new facts as you get them, and work with your county, and state aid immediately after finding out the new facts.

Sorry you don't have the support of family, and friends to support you through this, but you can make sure your doctor, when you get one, refers you to any additional help you may need. Social services can help you through this, and I suspect once you know for certain what you are faced with, you will have a much better grasp of what you can do for yourself going forward, and make the right adjustments without this fellow.

Sorry for your loss, but is it really? After all the dust has settled, his leaving may turn out to be a blessing in disguise, and your life will be better without him. I know that maybe right now in the middle of this storm, you can't see, or feel any hope, but if you never give up on yourself, a way will appear, so for now, just try and keep leaning forward, as for a fact you still have two little ones who depend on you no matter what, and you can get a lot of strength from your love and care for them.

I pray you do. I pray you realize you don't need him to build a happy life for you, and your kids, no matter the number of children. Plus you have found a new family here to keep your spirits up, so welcome, take your shoes off, and make yourself at home.

He is already paying child support for the other 2. We had a THIRD court date for our divorce and he did not show up once again. He claims he has no money and no transportation. He was the one who filed for divorce a year ago so am not sure what this is all about. In any event, he has asked me to get an abortion. My parents are angry with me and my dad called me a fool. My mother has begged me to have an abortion because she does not want to see me suffer anymore as a single parent. Please help me? I feel so alone and confused.

@ answerme_tender: I agree! I have been praying for guidance and every time I think about the pregnancy and nursing for one year I get sooo depressed! Not because I don't love motherhood, but because I am so emotionally and physically drained from pregnancies and nursing since 2006 and going through a separation and divorce for the past 2 years. My last pregnancy was vicious because he emotionally left me when I was 32 weeks pregnant. In the delivery room he completely ignored me while I was in active labor. I feel as though I've suffered enough. I was COMPLETELY irresponsible for having unprotected sex with him and I take full responsibility. I was yearning for my old husband and wanting so much to lure him back. I'm a ivy league educated woman with a masters and I KNOW about the birds and the bees. With that said, I don't want my other 2 children to suffer because of this situation. They have already been dealt an unfortunate beginning. I want to raise 2 amazing young people and the only way I can do that is by becoming spiritually, emotionally and physically healthy.

He is already paying child support for the other 2. We had a THIRD court date for our divorce and he did not show up once again. He claims he has no money and no transportation. He was the one who filed for divorce a year ago so am not sure what this is all about. In any event, he has asked me to get an abortion. My parents are angry with me and my dad called me a fool. My mother has begged me to have an abortion because she does not want to see me suffer anymore as a single parent.

Honestly, I do not believe you should use the handle, "Irresponsible". You are not "Irresponsible" at all.

You are stuck in a position by human error. So what, life is not error free.

I applaud you resolve to avoid abortion and your sense that the child is precious.

That your life is difficult now and that it will get more complicated is very true.

It takes two to create a life, he did his part, now he has to bear his share. Whether he does or does not, is yet to be seen.

For my part I would suggest that you start planning your life ahead of you as if he will not help you. I say this because his failure to show at court speaks legions about him.

My prayers go out to you.

You sound just wore out! Unfortuantely you are going to have to make this decision on your own, based on what YOU can handle. There is no sense beating your head against the wall and making yourself going through anymore emotional stress.

We cannot tell you what choice to make, we have all gone through tuff things in our lives and maybe going through our own choices,but we are not living through what you are right now, we don't know what YOU can handle as an individual. ONLY YOU DO!!

We all have to make our choices, right,wrong or indifferent---we make them based on what we can handle emotionally and physically, and yes even financially. But we make that choice and all we move on with our lives the best way we can! We learn to live again,to grow,to accept what we cannot change,to believe the we will be able to live a normal life with laughter and hope, not overnight but its does happen!

We are here to listen any time!!

Hi Everyone!

Well, the bad news first: I am no longer pregnant. The good news: I am no longer pregnant. NO! I did NOT have an abortion. I was not going that route. However, I did suffer a miscarriage at approximately 4-5 weeks. At first I was in shock, then I was sad, and then I fell to my knees and THANKED GOD for making a decision for me. I knew that either decision was going to literally haunt me for the rest of my life, but I knew I could not live with myself if I'd had an abortion. I was literally getting my mind ready for a third child and went to sleep after a long night of prayer. I woke up the next morning to find that I was bleeding profusely. I thank God for FAVOR and for giving me ANOTHER chance to be RESPONSIBLE and to make better decisions for me and my children. I am ready to live the life that God has for me and am staying out of my own way. Happy New Year and I pray God's Blessings on all of you (and your families) who took time out to pray with me, for me and to send me words of encouragement without judging me. I loved my husband with agape love, but it was not enough. I am done fighting for a loveless marriage. The covenant has been broken and I must accept that if God wanted us to be a family HE would have made it so. In the end, I know that God has HIS hands on us and that my children and I are BLESSED and HIGHLY FAVORED!

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am glad that the decision was taken out of your hands.

I hope you and your children have a better year ahead of you than the one that is ending. Good luck.