Ok, so Im an exchange student from the US right now. I met this amazing guy here in Italy and he's planning to come back to America with me in the future. I really like this guy and he has never done anything to hurt me. So last weekend I was planning on going to a club with my American friends to dance and drink. But my boyfriend counld'nt come because he had work the next day, so he asked me if I would stay at home. He told me straight out that he knows I'm kind of crazy when I'm drunk and I dance too ''sexually'', and he didn't want other guys touching me. So I told him I was staying at home when actually I went anyway. I had a good time but I did get a little too drunk and I made out with another guy. When I got home at around 3am I called him to tell him I was a little sick and I could'nt get to sleep, just because I felt so guilty. I told him I loved him and I missed him. The next day he saw pictures on Facebook of me at the club that my friend had put up and he immediately knew I had lied. We met to talk it over and he eventually forgave me and I told him I would never lie to him again, which is completely true. He knows that I went to the club, but he doesn't know I made out with the other guy. I am scared to death he will find out, because I love him with all my heart. I feel like such an idiot for what I did and although he forgave me I still feel like the lesser person in the relationship, the non-responsible, lying, undeserving girl with the really great, honest, loving guy. I need some answers on how to make him or I feel better, or a solution to this. If I loose him I don't know what I'll do.

Use your best judgement. Although a lot of the time its better off if you tell him yourself rather then to keep it a secret and him find out some other way. I think you should do what's right rather then keeping it a secret. But its also a kind of thing that might be best kept secret. Its honestly for you to judge, I have no idea how angered he may get if he fights out. Just make the wise choice.

Yes it is your choice you could either tell him and keep it a secret hopfully he is a very understanding male. You know what he is like your judgement is better then mine. Good luck

Not only did you lie, but you cheated on him.

If there was any chance of someone else seeing the 'make-out session', then you need to tell him before any witness does.

In a way, you are still lying to him if he thinks that everything is out in the open and that there aren't any undisclosed facts waiting to spring out of the shadows.

Why is he thinking about moving to the US? Is it for reasons of his own like job, school, family, etc. or to be with you? If it is because of your relationship with him, then he deserves to know everything to make an informed choice instead of finding out after he turns his life upside down.

I understand that you don't want to lose him. It may be harsh, but you knew the dangers and he apparently pointed them out to you. However, you went out. Got drunk. Did something stupid and now you are going to have to live with the consequences. It will probably take a long time and work to convince him you have learned your lesson.

Trust once broken is extremely hard to put back together especially if you are hiding some of the pieces in your fist. Those pieces tend to cut and irritate until you open your fist and put them in place.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by marhabahirrah

I feel like such an idiot for what I did and although he forgave me I still feel like the lesser person in the relationship, the non-responsible, lying, undeserving girl with the really great, honest, loving guy.

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I'm glad you feel that way, because you are all that you described. If you want to not feel that way and actually treat him like the great, honest, loving guy he is, you will tell him that you cheated on him. You see being by being great and honest to you, he expects and should receive the same treatment in return. You F'ed up and you owe it to him to explain why and how.

The truth will eventually come out. Your friends already posted pics of your partying on Facebook, how long until one of them tells him about your drunken makeout session?

It's better if he hears the truth from you. You risk losing him, but you're the one that willingly took that risk. You made a choice to cheat. It's too late to go back in time and change that decision. It's what you do from here on out that matters. The first thing is to tell him the truth. The second is to ask his forgiveness. The third is to be faithful and never cheat again.

It's all well and good to feel guilt now, and to realize that you may hurt him. Too bad you weren't thinking about that while you were making out with that random guy in the club.

Stop lying, and just be honest, and you will feel better about yourself, and not feel guilty. You still have to pay whatever consequences for your actions he deems fit, but that has to be better than just being an irresponsible drunk guilty lying cheat, isn't it??

Hey guys, thank you so much for the answers.
Just another detail is that there is no chance anyone saw me make out with the guy at the club.
But listen, I took you guys advice, I told him I was really drunk and that my friends said they saw me kiss another guy. I felt like nearly throwing up when I told him. I was in tears. Realistically he was upset. We had a huge conversation about it and I said the only reason I lied in the first place was because I didn't want him to be angry with me. And it was true. I really do love this boy with everything I am and I think that alcohol was the main problem here. But not just alcohol, me. I was the one that made the decision to drink, not the alcohol. So I've quit drinking. Forever. I don't even care about drinking anymore as long as he forgives me completely. I don't give a damn if I ever drink again honestly. And I deserved all the guilt that I felt. Even though we've worked it out and I'm practically crying tears of joy I still feel horrible for what I did. I don't think I can get over it. Now I'm the one that asks him if he's sure that everything's okay. I'm the one that calls during the day just to say I love you and I miss you. I suppose all of this is still kind of normal after what happened, and he's the one that tells me to forget about it, and that it's all in the past, because now we tell the truth always to each other, and nothing happens if we dwell in the past and all that. I'm telling you guys, I've got a great guy, and how I almost ****ed it up made me realize that.

But in the meantime, you guys really helped me with your answers! We are all patched up now. He's an amazing guy. One worthy of old-time Disney, trust me. I was an idiot, I know. I love him so much and what I dumb move I made. Thanks you guys. :))

marhabahirrah, I am going to be harsh because I think you are playing with fire and about to get severely burned. I don't believe that in less than twenty-four hours you told him enough of the truth for him to get mad and then fully forgive you. I am concerned that you continued to tweak the truth to keep your behavior from looking as bad as it really was.

I don't think he has had time to fully think about what you said or what you did. I think there is a good chance he let tears and begging cause him to say something that may change when he is alone with his thoughts.

Be prepared for there to be more repercussions later. You are remorseful now, but I think there is a good possibility that over time as this fades into memory you will start chaffing at any restrictions on your freedom and you will be doing the same thing again.

I do hope you are being sincere about recognizing the part alcohol played. I hope you are going to be more responsible in your actions. Understand that to really change how you behave will take time and hard work. Don't expect to make the decision when you are scared of losing everything and for it to be a done deal. Watch out for rationalizations and justifications for taking the next drink or sneaking out to have 'fun'.

Good luck and I really do hope all turns out well for you.

I don't think I can portray my sincerity onto a q and a site, but I think you underestimate how dedicated I am. Thanks for the conscern but I'm trying to feel better.
Oh, and I'm from North Carolina as well!

Reality Check!!!

As a guy, let me tell you he may have forgiven you this time, but he will never forget, and will watch you like a hawk for any sign of insincerity or deception.

Just a word to the wise for your own future reference.

Good Luck!!