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QUOTE by nanzylim;
Thanks. It has to be really like this? Is this what husband are? Why boys are having a hard time to adjust being a husband? Having a hard time to sacrifice something?
With all due respect, sacrifice is in the eye of the beholder, and we are all different in the way we view what we sacrifice, why, and when. You may have accepted the sacrifice you wanted to make, but you also have to see the sacrifice he has to make. Just because you don't see it, or understand it, doesn't mean he isn't sacrificing something. Is it fair to down another because they do things differently than what you want them too? In a shared sacrifice it has to be discussed and agreed upon, and that takes talking and listening. You seem to have assumed he knows what you expect of him, and unless you voice your opinion he cannot, and maybe he may not agree. That's what communicating is about, expressing what's on your mind, AND listening to what's on his. This is a process that may take months and years of constant practice with each other. Patience and compromise by both partners is needed during that process as well as courtesy, and respect.
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when I got married, I sacrifice everything. Even going with my friends, but he can't do that?
Goes to what I was saying, as that's what you were willing to do, but have you discussed it before you made those sacrifices, or did you do it and expect him to do the same?
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Sometimes I find him that he doesn't what to take care of our baby. When I got just to buy something he wants me to be with our baby.
I think this is very common with new babies. Most men that are new fathers are afraid to death of newborns. Their's or anyone else's. It takes getting use to, as they just don't know what to do, and have no instincts in that area. Its also common that he doesn't recognize your need for a break sometimes. A need to just get some air without being responsible. These are things you have to be explicit on, or he will never know and see this as a way of making him do what you want. Many will resist out of fear of doing something wrong while you are away. That's a problem with new fathers sometimes and where some calm talking is needed.
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sometimes he doesn't care for her. Last time we went to his friend, we left our baby in my father in law. Were out for 8pm until 6 in the morning. I'm having hard time to convince him to go home because I need also to take care of my baby and we went for a long time already. But he answer me that his dad were their to take care of her.
I can understand a reluctance by a new mother to be away from her child. I really can, but I doubt he does but this is a perfect example of communicating with each other because he would expect you to relax and enjoy the time away, but you cannot because like all new moms you worry. You need to see that this was about your fear that your child needed you but didn't, and that no one but you can take care of your child the way you can. That may be true, but I doubt it. Be real, its you who could not relax away so long from your child, even though he was in good hands.
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When I went to the mall to see my college friends he wants me to bring our baby. Is it he doesn't want to take care of our baby? And is it right that wife are the one who will only take good care of the baby?[/
That may be true with infants, but I don't agree that guys won't be more than happy to interact with their kids once the get a bit up in age, when dad's are more comfortable with them.
I think you have to stop expecting instant success by your man, and express yourself to him more, and as you both make adjustments, you will work together better, and communicate easier. 7 months of marriage is hardly long enough to be on exactly the same page all the time, so lighten up, or be unduly disappointed, angry, and frustrated because your husband will never be perfect all the time, and neither will you.
It's a process that requires work to make a marriage work, and having a ceremony, a ring, and a child is only the beginning. Be patient, and talk and stay cool, calm, and collected, so you can understand. Husbands and wives seldom see things alike, nor can read each others minds, and know what the other wants, or needs in real life. That's what talking, and listening is about.
