Ask Me Help Desk - Helping an abused friend?

Okay I have this friend and she is a teenager. She is on like her 12th foster parents and her uncle has been beating her for like six or seven years and so she cuts and hurts herself. I want to help her but she always says she will be fine and then starts not talking about it so how can I help her ? Please any advice would be great right now!! Thanks

Your friend is in a very vulnerable situation. I suggest you try and speak to her again about seeking help. She does not deserve to be in this position. Abuse is WRONG. Social services should definetely be contacted. Does your friend have a teacher they can talk to? What about her foster parents? Your friend needs a lot of help and support. She needs to get out of the situation as it will only get worse. She may also need the support of counsellors to deal with her feelings on this. It is difficult sometimes to detect abuse, though it should be reported as soon as possible to put a stop to it. Does your friend have evidence of bruising, etc. maybe they could make an appointment with their doctor to talk things through? Your friend sounds like she would need someone there for moral support. Have you spoken to your parents about this? Speak to them and ask them for advice if you can. This is a situation you need support with too. You can't help your friend on your own. Speak to your friend and let them know you will always be there for them and that they must seek help ASAP. By getting advice from responsible adults and professionals is the way to go i.e. parents, social workers, doctors, teachers, nurse, counsellors etc. I hope this helps. Take carex

You have to think about what will happen if you don't tell someone. Could her uncle one day go to far and put her in the hospital? Or could she accidentally cut herself so much that she has to be rushed to the emrgency room? Try talking to her one more time and if she still says she's fine then go to the school nurse or an administrator. She may say she's OK but she's not. She needs a lot of help and needs to get away from her uncle. In the end you could be saving her life if you tell someone. You don't want to see your friend hurting do you? If not, then tell someone. She'll thank you someday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amelie33

your friend is in a very vulnerable situation. i suggest you try and speak to her again about seeking help. she does not deserve to be in this position. abuse is WRONG. social services should definetely be contacted. does your friend have a teacher they can talk to? what about her foster parents? your friend needs a lot of help and support. she needs to get out of the situation as it will only get worse. she may also need the support of counsellors to deal with her feelings on this. it is difficult sometimes to detect abuse, though it should be reported as soon as possible to put a stop to it. does your friend have evidence of bruising, etc. maybe they could make an appointment with their doctor to talk things through? your friend sounds like she would need someone there for moral support. have you spoken to your parents about this? speak to them and ask them for advice if you can. this is a situation you need support with too. you can't help your friend on your own. speak to your friend and let them know you will always be there for them and that they must seek help ASAP. by getting advice from responsible adults and professionals is the way to go ie parents, social workers, doctors, teachers, nurse, counsellors etc. i hope this helps. take carex

I would suggest telling someone who she will listen to, then stay out of it. If you can find someone that she really trusts that is older, she might listen to them better than listeing to you.

My guess is you won't be able to help her unless and until she expresses interest in helping herself. What you can do in the meantime is affirm for her how much help is available in the world by finding the help and talking to the help yourself locally. There is nothing as positive or powerful than someone's firsthand experience. Talk to those who you would suggest she talk to first. Then she may be able to see how safe it is by your example of it. You can hand her the written down name or phone number of who you talked to and lovingly say to her "when you're ready...."

My own experience of getting help allows me to confirm to others how easy it is, how helpful it is and how worth it too! I have done with my friends what I am suggesting you do with yours. Sometimes it works. When it doesn't, I often see that its because they do not really want help but instead they want to be rescued (where they make no effort at all) or they use it to gain sympathetic attention only.