I have a 7 year old daughter who we are having a hard time with. She is a talker. Not just any kind of talker, but the kind that NEVER stops. It interferes in everything she does. Other kids are turned off by her because she never stops. She has something to say ALL of the time and about everything.

We just received her report card and all of her grades have dropped. I have talked with her teacher and the talking is he problem. She never hears all of the instructions because her mouth is open and her ears are shut. If she is not chatting, then she is "helping" other kids around her, which is taking her focus and time off what she needs to be doing. Her teacher says she knows that my daughter is capable of doing the work, it's just a matter of doing it and her teacher does not seem overly concerned.

I would GREATLY appreciate any advice. I am just at a loss as to what to do. We have tried explaining to her the importance of doing her own work and keeping quiet, but it just doesn't stick.

If this is the only major issue, I would have her evaluated by her pediatrician. Excessive talking when she knows it is detrimental can be a symptom of poor impulse control. Often ADD manifests itself differently in girls than in boys and symptoms are not read properly. It is so damaging to a child's self esteem to be told that she should just do or not do something, when the child is trying so hard, but just cannot.
Was she always like this? Is there anything major going on in your life right now? Divorce, move, death. This can have a strong impact on children's behavior.

No, no major changes, my husband and I have been married 11 years. She is an only child and we do see that a lot of times that she relates better to adults than children. I have considered the possibility of ADD. She has to constantly be doing something. Talking, humming, singing, fidgiting, tapping. All the time. My husband does not think this is the case. He looks at his nephew who has ADD and there is no comparison. His nephew is out of conrol and his sister fails to give him his medication. I remind my husband of that, but he just does not want to see or daughter medicated. Neither do I, but on the oher hand, I don't want to see her fail school and be an outcast with her peers. Kids tned to shy away from her. She is too talkitive, too know-it-all, too much. She is a good, sweet, kind girl, but she just can't seem to control herself. In my opinion, the talking seem to be at the root of all her troubles.

My advice would be to teach your child relaxation and meditation.

Focus on her strengths and play down or ignore the annoying behaviour - I don't mean ignore bad behaviour.

Try using rewards that truly motivate your child to succeed. She can have a treat for sitting silently for say 5 minutes, then 10 minutes and so on as she gets older. Do this on a daily bases. You can do it together.

If you think this is something you might like to try with your child, there are many books on simple meditation. It isn't complicated. The best and most effective meditation is 'just sitting in silence'.

You can ring a small bell to begin and ring it again in five minutes or ten minutes time.

If that doesn't appeal, I found this -

I found this.

"The child who is restless and very active; the one who won't sit still. If you have a child who constantly has excess energy to burn, there is cause to celebrate! Having a child who squirms and changes position every few seconds presents a challenge to both teachers and parents. But as your child gets older, the ability to think and work on the move is a real plus. Athletes, actors, mechanics, craftsmen—all of these professionals have discovered how beneficial it is to be gifted with natural movement and energy. Instead of simply trying to force your active child to be still, try to direct the energy . For example, use that flight of stairs to practice spelling words or shoot hoops in the backyard while you talk about what will be on tomorrow's test. You may be amazed at how effective your active learner is if you simply insist the bottom-line task be accomplished—with or without staying the same place to do it!"

I definitely endorse meditation. I have seen a therapist for the last year to help reduce my stress level and she has taught me the importance of meditation. It has been a life saver for me. My daughter gets easily frustrated and we do stop, take a few minutes and pretend we are a tree with our roots firmly in the ground, relaxed and still. I think for the most part we can handle her at home. But I feel like she see school as free time away from mom and dad to act as she pleases (hyper and out of control). I spend as mush time in her class as I can. I voulenteer 2 to 3 day per week for about 1 1/2 hours. I have seen first hand how she behaves. She is so busy socializing and worrying about everyone else's business, that she fails to hear homework instructions. We got her progress report yesterday and of course she has gone down in her homework score.

I am at a loss as to how to deal with the school part of the problem. I have talked with her teacher and she does not feel that there is a huge problem. She does take recess time away for talking and on Friday afternoon the kids have the opportunity to play board games for the last hour of the day if all their work is done. My daughter has lost this free time for the last few weeks. She is upset about it, but is not willing to change her behavior. She wants to blame the teacher and the other kids. I have told her no. She must take responsibility for her choices. She acknowledges that she should not be talking and fidgiting, but she just can't seem to control it.

How do I discipline this? If it is ADD it's not all right to punish her. But, I do feel that a lot of the problem is in her control to correct. She should be concentrating on her own work and not what others are doing. If the kids are listening to a story, she should not be talking o her neighbor.

Do you have other kids come round to your house to play? She could be trying to make the most of the time she has with others her own age, and if that is at school and is getting her into trouble - oops!

Is there a group or a club she can join just to have fun with other kids?

No. There are no kids in our neighborhood her age. I would love to have kids over, but she just hasn't really clicked with anyone to invite over. She sees her cousins oftern, but they are all boys and not close in age to her. She has tried gymnastics - didn't like it. She plays soccer every season. We have tried the swimming team, but there is no real play time, so she doesn't like that. We are looking into art classes, but now since her grades are slipping, we have been debating whether we should have her in an after school activity.

First I will say in my opinon everyone wants to call every behavior issues ADD and medicate them up for the rest of their childhood. First why is the teacher allowing such behavior, they put her in a corner, the explain to her to be quiet. And sorry everyone go crazy now, give her a swat on the rear and tell her to sit down and be quiet.

Also perhaps the class she is in could be not challenging enough, most public schools are on my hit list as of late since they teach to the level of the slowest child leaving the smarter children often bored to death. I would also consider a private school if money would allow it.

I have a young grandson, a young redheaded live wire who just turned 8 last Oct. I take care of him lots when his mum and dad are working. I can remember one day telling him to shut up and give his tongue a rest. Of course he just laughed, we both did. But he never seemed to stop talking, but he has settled down a lot and is very articulate and communicates amazingly with the 13 year old I have living with me. Maybe your daughter needs more stimulating conversation. Maybe she is going to turn out to be a very bright young girl. Maybe the work she does at school isn't stimulating enough and she gets bored so she tries to start up conversations with those sitting next to her. I feel sad at the thought of this child being punished for something that is not her fault.

She is only 7, I think she should be given a bit more time to settle down before she is forced to settle down.

And I think you need to have another chat with her teacher to find out how her behaviour is being dealt with in school. Her teacher could afford to be a bit more firm, but do not punish this child. I do not believe she is being naughty. This little child just wants someone to talk to.

First of all, it is possible, simply, that your daughter is verbal. This is NOT a weakness, quite the contrary. However, as you are seeing, it can cause problems until your daughter learns how to control when her talking is appropriate. This will likely take some time, but your efforts show that you are taking the issue seriously.

Also, consider other possibilities. As a teacher, I agree with Fr_Chuck that we have a tendency to immediately turn to ADD as an excuse, but of course, it is simply possible that your daughter has ADD. Consider this, but even if it is the reason, she still will have to learn to control her talking for her own future success.

I also wonder why the teacher allows her to talk so much if it is affecting her grades. As a teacher, I don't allow kids to talk unless it is directed to the activity and they are on-task. Consistency of rules matters, especially at 7 years-old.

Ultimately, what can you do? I don't know; teaching a child self-discipline is never an easy task. Perhaps though, you could focus on rewarding her successes. Set down a plan where if she gets positive reports (showing improvement in her talking behavior in class), she is rewarded with a no-chore day or having a friend stay over night, or something else. Parents of my students have the best results with consequences (positive or negative) that are small and repeatable. This is especially helpful when the child is trying but having limited success. As they see their efforts are being noted and appreciated, they feel more confident to keep trying. Success, however small, breeds success.

These are just some thoughts from someone who has seen this problem in numerous kids. The good news is that, consistently, when both child and parents are seriously making an effort, things eventually improve.

There is hope! My now 19 yo daughter was very much the same way. She is very intelligent and a lovely young lady now but those elementary school years were rough. SHe would argue that the sky was not "blue' but "light blue" just to argue. There is a difference in ADD and ADHD. My daughter was diagnosed with ADD not the hyperactive part. SHe did go on medication until 5th grade when she had matured enough to have better control. SHe explained that she felt better when taking the medication because then she could " be good" and "smart". It can be damaging to a child if they are constantly getting into trouble. And likewise it is damaging to never take responsibility for your actions. Balancing the two is tricky. Have her evaluated and make decisions from there. We did medications for school only and after school and weekends and summer she had to practice self control on her own. Also most ADD kids are very smart so as a previous post suggested she may need more stimulating school work to help her along as well.

I've been thinking about this, because I am a "twiddler". I love the way things feel, and if I have to think about something or get bored, I find myself running my fingers on things (normally whatever pendant I'm wearing, but it can be as simple as running the thingy at the end of the cord for the window blind back and forth, or playing with the stretchy cord on my work ID). So, would giving your daughter something like a worry stone possibly help? Something smooth and polished that she can manipulate unobtrusively when she has a need to fidget, and possibly if she feels like talking she could try rubbing it instead? It might help her concentrate if her hands had something to do. Just a thought.

I was like this in elementary and I was diegnosed with ADHD and asbergers which is the most fuctionable form of autism my parents put my in a lot of sports to where me out they put me I'm singing lessons to where I could use my voice a lot and I was also taught clarinet. It worked for me and I was put on a very strict homework schedule I'm now graduated in the top 15 of my class and I have a job at a dress design/repair shop just be patient :) it'll work out

By the way ADD and ADHD medication is a dependent I took it and felt like a pupett on strings hanging on the shelf it's not a fun feeling and I hated the special Ed classes I was forced into even if they helped me the sylvan system was not available when I went to school I was picked on an teased I hated it I still don't trust some people because of that -ok I'm done with my little rant

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Originally Posted by Rachelrang

By the way ADD and ADHD medication is a dependent I took it and felt like a pupett on strings hanging on the shelf it's not a fun feeling and I hated the special Ed classes I was forced into even if they helped me the sylvan system was not available when I went to school I was picked on an teased I hated it I still don't trust some people because of that -ok I'm done with my little rant

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What do you mean by "ADD and ADHD medication is a dependent"? Do you mean you can become addicted?

No I mean the parents think the meds work and so force the child to take them but once they are of it right back where you started the behavior is the same. Omega 3 fish oil helps a persons brain function and it's also good for the heart you can buy kid friendly versions of it I use to take this orange flavored omega 3. The Mexican give by doctors just hides the symptoms doesn't help or cure and actually depending on what kind and for how long the child takes the medication and if the dosage grows with the child then yes it can be addicting it's a medication all medicans can become addictive

*medication

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Originally Posted by Rachelrang

No I mean the parents think the meds work and so force the child to take them but once they are of it right back where you started the behavior is the same. Omega 3 fish oil helps a persons brain function and it's also good for the heart you can buy kid friendly versions of it I use to take this orange flavored omega 3. The Mexican give by doctors just hides the symptoms doesnt help or cure and actually depending on what kind and for how long the child takes the medication and if the dosage grows with the child then yes it can be addicting it's a medication all medicans can become addictive

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All medications are NOT addictive. Omega 3 fish oil is not going to help change behavior. Parents needs to act in the best interest of the children and that includes investigating prescribed medication a case by case basis and following the orders of Physicians. Do I think some Doctors overprescribe? Certainly. Do I think holistic "solutions" work? Certainly.

Are certain conditions over diagnosed? Yes.

Again - it's a case by case basis.

This thread has gone very much off track - the mother is concerned because of the child talking. Along the way that turned into a discussion of ADHD and medication. I see no indication that this is the child's problem.