Ask Me Help Desk - What does this mean?

My situation is that my close friend will never feel the same way that I feel about her. She never wants the relationship to go any further then it is. We're close enough for us to say that we love each other but she doesn't want to go the extra step. She is in New York now and I'm 3000 miles away from her in Los Angeles and talk on the phone daily. I can't end my day right anymore without hearing her voice. I realized that she is all that I want and it just can't happen. These daily heart to heart phone calls ended when she told me that she was seeing some else. It was really hurtfully for me to hear that. I just stopped talking to her because it felt like she betrayed and lied to me. I don't know why I feel so angry and mad at her, even we though we weren't together. She called a week later, after my failed attempted to cut all ties, and she began to cry at the middle of our phone conversation. I told that I still loved her a lot and I'm so hurt. I told her that this will be the last time she will ever hear from me if continues seeing this other guy. I just can't let go and memories I once had with her in LA are so painfully.

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Originally Posted by killing_joke_

My situation is that my close friend will never feel the same way that I feel about her. She never wants the relationship to go any further then it is. We're close enough for us to say that we love each other but she doesn't want to go the extra step. [...] I realized that she is all that I want and it just can't happen. These daily heart to heart phone calls ended when she told me that she was seeing some else. It was really hurtfully for me to hear that. I just stopped talking to her because it felt like she betrayed and lied to me. I don't know why I feel so angry and mad at her, even though we weren't together. [...] I told her that this will be the last time she will ever hear from me if continues seeing this other guy. I just can't let go

- She is your close friend.
- She doesn't feel about you the way you feel about her.
- You know it can't happen but you keep trying anyway.
- You act like you were her boyfriend even though you know you aren't.

Now please stop dreaming. You gave her a chance to be with you, letting her know about your feelings and she didn't want to. You have to accept this : you are NOT her boyfriend. Therefore you have no right to threaten her to cut all ties if she dates someone else. She can date whoever she wants and she made it clear, you are only a friend.

She must care a lot about you and love you a lot as a friend, but you can't force people to feel the way you want them to feel, it's just plain selfish. You make her feel guilty and you make yourself miserable. Maybe it's time to fix it. Either you accept the reality and move on, keep her as a close friend and nothing else; or you cut all contact with her to make it stop hurting. If you are her friend, respect her feelings.

You already know what your problem is, you "just can't let go." Work on this one first. Good luck.

You need to either be her FRIEND or cut all ties. She is obviously not into you the way you are into her. So if you know you can not be just her friend then you need to move on in life and stop communicating with her. Tell her that you love her but can no longer allow this unhealthy relationship to continue because you are getting hurt. The jealousy you have towards her dating someone else is very unhealthy for both of you.

Thank you for telling me that. I just needed to hear that. I so selfish for doing that. I can't force her to like me and I can't do anything about it. I'm just going to call her tell her that I'm wrong. I such a ****ing *******. It's just something I got to learn about.

My dear, thanks for sharing, I have a friend who has felt the same way you feel about me for about 5 years, I know how your 'friend' feels. Lets say am in the same shoes she wearing. Its clear that she just doesn't feel the same way about you, so please save your friendship with her and look some where else for someone who will feel the same way about you. She seems like a good friend that's worth keeping, she just doesn't know how to break it off with you without hurting you, by telling you she you she has a boyfriend, she is being polite with you because she cares about you. Don't make her think it was a mistake being a friend to you. Be good to her she might come around some day.
Good luck.

You are not a ***ing anything. You are one of millions to whom this happens. Don't beat yourself up now! And don't call her to tell her how awful you are either. All that is is a covert plea for her to disagree, which she will probably do to make you feel better, and all that will do is raise your hopes again, and you will be right back to yesterday. IF she contacts YOU, tell her you have realized that you can't have what you want - end of story.

Only you know if you can tolerate being just friends or have to cut it off.

I also agree with aishamedi. There's that one chance in a thousand that someday she will decide that what she had with you is what she wants. Just don't count on it. Plus, you most likely will have found someone else by then. Perhaps you will meet up when you are 80.