Ash123 - I have a question for you
Hi Ash123, I'm new to this site and I just saw your post about the 10 point NC rule. Could you please help me out with my current situation?
I got dumped 2 days ago on the phone after almost 3 years with her. I still have lots of feelings for her and I really want her back. Before I got dumped, I tried my best to save the relationship. She said she lost feelings for me and she thought the relationship was not going work out. She felt that I was part of her family and we would be great friends. That's all, no other feelings.
Straight after she dumped me, I sent her an email telling her that I tried my best to keep her happy during the relationship. However, her loss of feelings probably stemmed from me as I lost my feelings towards her after 1.5 years into the relationship. I did not tell her that at the time as I wanted to ensure my loss of feelings was not temporary. I wanted to work on my own and see if I could get my feelings back. The reason why I lost feelings was because I felt that she was very self-centered, she did not consider my feelings. I felt it was me trying my best to keep her happy all the time. I also said good bye to her in my email. I said “my aim is always to make you happy, good bye, and I hope you will find the happiness without me being there. I'm confident that your new chapter of life will be wonderful. Thank you for the last 32 months, it was the best 32 months of my life.”
So the in the following 12 months, I actually got my feelings back. But during the same 12 months, our conversation slowed down, our relationship became so mundane that even I could feel it was really boring. Fast track to last week, she told me that she thought we had nothing to talk to about and she'd lost her feelings for me.
Today is day 3, I had no contact with her until she sent the following message tonight:
“I know you tried, you've been so supportive and considerate during our relationship. I'm truly grateful for everything you've done for me. A lot of times I didn't show it and probably didn't do enough things to make you happy. I'm sorry… I want to know, why did you lose feelings for me? Was it because I was too demanding and selfish?”
My usual instinct would be to reply her immediately. But after reading your post, I understand I have to get my power back in order to get her back.
What should I do now? Ignore her message? Wait for a few days to reply? If I reply, how long do I wait and what should I say? I'm feeling really nervous as I do not want to do the wrong thing to push her away again.
Thanks in advance.
JM
Comment on kctiger's post
Hi kctiger, thanks for your advice. Yes, I'm trying to use NC to get her back as I think her feelings are not completed gone.
You mean there's no hope at all? I should just use NC and move on?
Comment on jmw0713's post
You are so right. I sent back a friendly message telling her it doesn't matter now, it's all in the past. All I want is for her to be happy. If she needs a friend to talk to in the future, she can call me.
I guess that's a closure for myself.
How to rekindle love after getting ex back?
Threads merged
Hi all,
I previously posted here about my girlfriend dumping me after 3 years because she said she lost all her feelings for me. After that I went NC for 30 days to heal and make myself a better person. During those 30 days, I also went on a spontaneous trip overseas. It was so spontaneous that I got to the airport and just chose whatever flight was available to take me out of the country. This trip was amazing, I did everything on my own and it really helped me.
Upon returning home, I noticed while I was away, my ex sent me an email asking me where I was, what I was doing and she wanted to have a chat with me. I disregarded the email. A couple of days later, I bumped into her while going home after work. We had a nice chat and she asked me why I didn't reply her email blah blahhhhh. I said I was overseas and I would check my email and respond to her. She quickly said that I didn't need to email back, I could just call her. I said I had to go and we left at that.
A few days later, I emailed her back asking her to dinner to have that chat with her (it was also her birthday, so 1 stone 2 birds). We had a great night, eating, joking, laughing, touching hands and a couple of hugs. I couldn't help myself but ended up asking her back. She said yes, but she also said let's take time and see where it ends up.
We've been texting each other every couple of days (I usually initiate the texts). I also called her last night just to chat about nothing (first call since we broke up in December last year).
I sense that even though she said she lost all her feelings back in December, there are still plenty left. Maybe not as much as before but definitely enough for me to work on.
So my question is, what is the best way to rekindle our relationship? What can I do to boost her feelings? Should I keep on initiating the texts, calls (I usually do this every couple of/few days so that I don't suffocate her)? Or should I wait for her to initiate things with me?
Comment on Homegirl 50's post
That's my current feeling as well. Is there anything I should do? Or should I let it go?