First of all, I've been working with this girl for about 6 months. She's very flirty, nice, and smart. Just about a month ago we started dating. We've been on a few dates and seemed to really hit it off. I had some concerns since she's 27 and I'm 40 and we work together. She's also admittedly a flirt. She's had one long term relationship before where she was hurt, and since then she's dated a lot! We work retail together, and at work she gets a lot of attention from guys and gets a lot of numbers. Her concerns were our age difference, we worked together, and that she's been hurt before. Because of that we both agreed we'd take it slow.
Anyway, we had some great dates. We went dancing, and drinking, and had some great kiss sessions. She even came over to my house on day when I was sick. The physical attraction was there, and since we've been friends it all seemed to fit into place.
This past week we've been busy at work, and I've give her some space. Last night a lot of us cooworkers went out and she and I held hands at the bar. Then I kissed her goodnight.
Tonight unfortunately she told me that she doesn't see a long term thing with me.

What happened? Was I reading it wrong? Is she just scared? She I keep pursuing her? How do I act in front of her at work? Should I just play it off like it doesn't bother me?

Just accept it. You said it yourself, she dates a lot. The point of dating is to see how compatible and how much real interest each person has. She has her answer so now no need to date any further.

This is one reason why dating at work isn't recommended. One person usually gets hurt or more confused than the other. Leave her alone and continue on with life. Another one bites the dust.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to kctiger again.

What happened?
She came to realize she didn't want to date just you again, because she didn't have the same expectations as you had to begin with.
Was I reading it wrong?
I don't know how you read it , or what you expected to happen, but her feelings were not the same as yours.
Is she just scared? Should I keep pursuing her?
I doubt she was scared, but not as interested in furthering things is more like it, so pursue no more.
How do I act in front of her at work? Should I just play it off like it doesn't bother me?
Yes play it off like you are okay, fake it till you make it, and treat her like a co worker and good person who partied together but no longer do.


That's why I never recommend work place relationships, they make going to work awkward.

Don't eat where you crap... Or is it don't crap where you eat... Either way dating at work is tough, unless you work in completely different departments and don't see each other during the day.

There could be any number of reasons she wanted to put an end to this. You didn't fit into her frame so she ended it. At least she was honest. Plus, it sounds like she has a ton of other options to check out everyday.

She's also a self admitted flirt, tease, serial dater... They will tear you up! Time to move on to the next one and maybe try to date someone closer to your age.

Thanks. Why would she show interest in me one night and let me go the next?

Because that's as far as her interest went with you. It happens, and not all dates end in a love connection.

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Originally Posted by runobi

Thanks. Why would she show interest in me one night and let me go the next?

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I think she had decided long before this night that she was not interested. But you were in public around co-workers so she went along with the situation as not to create a scene.

I know that it looks like a flip flop in several hours, but in reality the decision was already made.

Also, instead of beating yourself up, please accept my standing ovation for at 40 getting a 27 year old interested in you, even if it was for the short term. Be proud of yourself.

Actually that's the first time she had shown affection in front of co-workers. She didn't want anyone to know just yet. So, naturally I got excited that she did that in front of others for the first time. Then the next night it was over. Confusing.

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Originally Posted by runobi

Actually that's the first time she had shown affection in front of co-workers. She didn't want anyone to know just yet. So, naturally I got excited that she did that in front of others for the first time. Then the next night it was over. Confusing.

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It's not confusing. She wanted that night to be fine and go well and not create a scene. You also may have got to excited that she showed affection in front of other people. If you start acting like, "Oh my God we are going to the next level, she touched me in public" she's going to run from that because women want a guy to be in control.

Thanks. Ya, I better alpa-up a bit.

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Originally Posted by runobi

Thanks. Ya, I better alpa-up a bit.

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Agreed. I would act like you did nothing wrong, and that you aren't phased by it. It was her decision, that you respect... but it was also her mistake. That is how you act around her at work and around co-workers and I think in time you'll look like the good guy.