I've had a horrible life, and I know because a lot of things confirm it, it would take too long to list the horrible things or things of confirmation. I'm severely depressed, and not far at all from killing myself. I feel like I need a relationship to survive, and every time I put myself out there, I'm rejected. I have a lot of friends, but none of them understand at all, or even try. I'm a lesbian with a homophobic mother, my father doesn't care. He's like a parking meter, you have to keep feeding it something to get it to do what you want to or care about anything else but itself. I feel like I can't take life anymore, and just to fill you in, I can NOT go to a counselor, (no, school neither), I can NOT tell my mother, I can NOT tell any other adult, I have to deal with this myself, what do I do?

I am a non-believer -But I think it might be a good idea for you to see a preacher at a more liberal church [I.E one that accepts gays and you for what you are and will not think they can change you.]
And no you do not need a relationship to survive, it might be your just lonely with no one you can talk things though with.
Why can`t you tell any other adult though?
There are a lot more people here that are better at this than I and I bet they will be along to point you in the best direction shortly

How old are you? Why can't you turn to anyone? Is it because you truly believe no one is available or are you afraid?

Ok, thank you so much for responding, I'm lutheran, my pastor is in training and a ditzy idiot, but GREAT idea! No there isn't anyone I can talk to without my mother finding out, and every time I reveal to HER something, the problem gets worse or not fixed, ex: my mother saw the fresh cut on my arm, and all she said was swear to god you'll never do it again? And that was that. I am dead serious. Anyway, next, I'm 14, and... this might come up as a second message... I have to look again

Ok, and it's both, I am afraid and as I said before, mother here is the issue. I just truly do not feel close enough to share this with any adult who wouldn't tell my mother.

As a side note -- I read many posts by young folks like you and it was/is wonderful to see a well written, well spelled letter [And response]
I just read your other posts and noted the one about cutting + reading the above think that your mom is in a strong state of denial. My gut says you wanted your mom to see those cuttings?
At 14 you have plenty of time to worry about relationships and oddly enough once you stop worrying about finding the right one --lots of times it happens.
Once upon a time I was Lutheran to -- note I did not say, see your preacher -- find a different brand _ also its your parents that are Lutheran -- you still have your path to choose.

Ok, I have one parent, and I promise you with all my heart, that I did NOT want her to see those, I hid them very well then had a careless mistake, it had been going on for at least a month, and thank you for complementing me on my writing, I like literature, what can I say?

Disclaimer: I'm not a therapist, so none of this should be taken in place of legitimate professional advice. If your depression is as bad as you say, you should do everything you can to find some way to get that professional advice.

First of all, don't think about suicide... it's not a good option. If nothing else, try to channel that depression into something that will motivate you in the other direction: Paint, write, take up interpretive dance. Most of the frustrations you have will probably feel better if you find a way to just get them out into the world, even if nobody else ever sees them. Just getting them written down may help you see that while yes, all of these things do suck, they suck a whole lot less when you can see them one at a time, and that makes them manageable.

Don't worry about anybody accepting your sexuality now... a lot of people have a hard time dealing with that sort of thing, and there's not much you can do to speed them along. It sounds trite, but just be who you are, and let them worry about them.

Don't worry about relationships. You don't need one to be happy, and if you're already depressed, the extra issues that can come up in a relationship won't help that any. Especially at your age, it will be hard to find lesbian (or 'curious') girls to have a relationship with anyway, as they will still be figuring themselves out, which will add other issues on top of everything else you already have going on. Instead, try to improve your existing friendships or make new friends, so that you'll have people to talk to about the little things (keeping them from piling up with your existing frustrations), and maybe even some of your existing issues.

Good luck, and try not to give up.

Ok, thank you (I say 'ok' too much) for responding. I draw or write a song at least once a week. I've accepted my sexuality but it's the others that are the problem. As for the relationship, I'm used to giving advice, it helps me actually, I'm weird like that, so that part I don't mind. I just need someone who can calm me down, or see me when I'm crying (I don't let anyone see) and hold me knowing that I'm not OK, even if they're worse than I am, I just want someone to go through this with, if that helps with giving you an idea of my situation any, great. I had a feeling I was unhelpable anyway.

Ahh but all we can go by is what you tell us [and what we can draw out ]
" with a homophobic mother, my father doesn't care."

Right, I'm sorry, I forget things sometimes. Here's the 411, he lives in FL, only calls me when someone yells at him, doesn't care about me in the least or his son (my 1/2 brother) he hasn't paid any child support and lied in courth that my mother was and I quote "a slut" and that I wasn't his child. Sorry for the blank space, and thank you for reminding me.

Rockbottom--I know the only thing that can help you would be a therapist or counselor, but also just talking with us on line might help vent some frustrations at times.

You sound like a very kind and caring person--I would hate to see you 'end' that. Maybe just talking with this board through hard times might benefit you a little, since you feel you have no one to go to??

You're not unhelpable.

It's good that you accept your sexuality... it takes a lot of people a long time to come to terms with theirs. What you have to remember is that it's not your responsibility to have other people accept your sexuality. It's up to them whether they do or not, and there's really nothing you can do to change their mind on that... they either will or won't, and they'll do it in their own time. Yes, it's hard to have a friend or family member who won't accept part of who you are, but if you spend your time worrying about that, all you do is hurt yourself more than you would have been hurt by it anyway.

I stand by my earlier statement that you don't need a relationship... all that will do in the long run is add to the issues that you already have. It's hard enough for straight people to have relationships without getting into drama and issues, and you have the extra dimension of your partner being in the process of figuring out and coming to terms with her sexuality.

That there is no magic fix is the hardest thing about depression. The best advice I can give you is to try to isolate each of your problems and deal with them one at a time. Some things will seem easy when you get them away from the larger issues, and then once you've dealt with them, the larger issues will get easier too, because you can focus on just them. Get through some of your existing troubles before adding more concerns to your life.

Here is an organization that has support groups nationwide, and apparently internationally:

PFLAG: For GLBT Persons

The individual groups appear to run helplines as well. Perhaps you could find some support here, or they could perhaps refer you to someone professional, better equipped to understand your personal perspective.
Good luck. And keep talking with people, us and others. Talking does help, and you will get through it all. Life will get better for you. Take care. :)

Thanks guys! That last bit really helped, thank you so much, but what individual groups? Like AA? That sort of thing? Sorry, I'm clueless, thanks again, I can't thank you enough!

Hi Rockbottom,
You're very welcome. The link I posted above will take you to the PFLAG website. From there you can find contact information for a local chapter in your state. These are simply friendly support groups for gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered people, as well as family, friends, and just people wishing to better understand their perspectives. It appears to be a place just to share experiences, and receive and offer unconditional support. And apparently there is something of a focus on helping families to be more supportive and understanding.
Not so much outwardly therapeutic as just a place to meet others with common views and who have had similar experiences, to learn from each other and support each other in the experiences of daily life. Something of a casual support network.
There may be other organizations in your area as well. We're always here to talk too. Hopefully this link will help you find some more local and in-person support though. Please keep us updated. I'm glad we're able to be of some help.
Take care. :)

First, it sounds like you are in so much pain. I wish it were easier for you.

Second, 14 is an age where many young women feel like you do -- confused, unloved, misunderstood. Layer on the misery that accompanies the intolerance you are experiencing about your sexuality and it sounds like you have plenty to be miserable about. The part that I want you to hear is that it is NORMAL for someone your age to have a certain degree of angst. I'm not trying in any way to minimize your pain, just to give you some tiny level of comfort about that. Maybe I'm trying to say "All of it won't last forever."

I know a little about cutting -- sometimes it is a way to let some of the hurt out versus a cry for help. If that's the case for you, then we need to help you think of some other less destructive ways to let it out. Talking to us is maybe one way. You can hurt all day and express it all day with your love of writing and that may be some way to get some amount out of you and into the real world where others can read and absorb some of it for you. Here, I'll take a little from you now... does that feel ANY better? I hope so. :)

You should also know that it is inappropriate for anyone in a position of authority -- including your pastor -- to share what you share with him or her with your mom without your consent. I'd set this up right from the start. "I want to talk to you about some personal things. I would like to have complete confidentiality for what I say. Can you give me that?"

He/she will probably say no and will lay out the circumstances under which he/she will break confidentiality without your permission: If you threaten to hurt someone, including yourself, if you tell him/her about being abused emotionally or physically by someone; there may be others for each person -- get it up front and then hopefully you can rely on it!

Other suggestions on places to look for help: Planned Parenthood (not just about birth control, they are a place that cares about women's health issues in general and could certainly be supportive about your sexuality issues AND can be confidential). A favorite teacher or counselor there. (Confidentiality rules will be different from a therapist or pastor -- not as tight.)

Is there a peer group for gay kids?

I am thinking of you and hope you find ways to feel better. You are not the problem -- you are a perfectly normal young person living in a situation that sucks and dealing with big problems that have twisted themselves into such knots that you feel like a knot, too. I wish you peace.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rockbottomtohell

I've had a horrible life, and I know because a lot of things confirm it, it would take too long to list the horrible things or things of confirmation. I'm severely depressed, and not far at all from killing myself. I feel like I need a relationship to survive, and every time I put myself out there, I'm rejected. I have a lot of friends, but none of them understand at all, or even try. I'm a lesbian with a homophobic mother, my father doesn't care. He's like a parking meter, you have to keep feeding it something to get it to do what you want to or care about anything else but itself. I feel like I can't take life anymore, and just to fill you in, I can NOT go to a counselor, (no, school neither), I can NOT tell my mother, I can NOT tell any other adult, I have to deal with this myself, what do I do?

---

Just three years ago my father/best friend held a gun to his right temple as he stood under a relly tall oak tree. When I found out he was gone it literily felt like my heart was torn out of my chest! You can't even imagine how many people that actulluy cared about the person that he was. One the day of his funneral I was in shock by all the people who careed enough about my dad to come and say their last goodbyes. I've been hospitalized more then once for mental health issus you need help and here is an easy way of getting it.

Go to your local hostibital emergecy room and tell the lady at the front desk that you're here for a physic evalation. You will soon be assesed by a professional who will give you many options that are available to you. Don't worry if you have no insurance by law you have the right to seek any kind of treatment weather you are insured or not. I'm serious its as easy please just go up to the E.R. don't think that killig yourself is away to get back at someone for the way that you have been treated. You know how why that you feel right now? I am 100% sure the people that you have known in your life time will hurt a whole lot more then you are hurting right now. I knoe that's hard to believe espessily when you are hurting as bad as you. But you need to be accountble to yourself and go to someone' anyone 'a hopital your choice all you have to do is ask for what you need. When I went to myE.R when I was just a few feet from hanging myself I went to the E.R. and was eva;luated and at that time myself and a whole team of proffvesionals dec ide that I needed inpationt treatment. It was a very safe place to be and there are many wonderful people that are there for reasons simiular to you. And a well traind staff that are there to meat your needs. It mioght even be a nice littl;e vacation to c lear your mind to meet new people and to get to know yourself aliitle better. Email me if and when you cAN [email protected] Good luck and remember suiside is a perminut solution to a tempory problem. Your loved by many and youjust haven't had the oppertunit to see that yet. Get help please because you may not think so but your life will get better soon enough. I don't pray a whole lot but tonight I will be praying for you. Because someone in Kansas city (olathe kansas) relly cares about you . You need to do the right thing perhaps the can give some medication to improve your mental health it might make things go a llitle better. BEEN THEIR BEFORE I HAVE FAITH IN YOU!!

Thanks guys, that really helps, but, (sorry forgot the person) who posted the "link" there's no link... That's OK, I promise, I'm more of a ditz than you can ever hope to be! Whoever said they took a little of my sadness (again, sorry forgot person) I've had like a really bad day, and that was so sweet! I almost cried, but I was already dried up... ;-) Thank you so much for your support and you really do help a lot!

You Can Always Go To Your Local Hostbital E.r For A Quick Evaluation.ererything Said Or Done At The Hospital Is 100% Confidential By The Law You Have What The Call The Privacy Act. While You Are Having Such A Hard Time You Can At Least Go To The Er And Ask To Be Put On Some Adivan Or Any Other Type Of Valume. This Will Help You Relax And Take Away A lot Of Unwanted Anxiety. It Never Hurts To Ask For What You Need. If Your Day Dosen't Get Any Better Email Me Tomorrow And Let Me Know How You Are Doing. I've Definitely Been In Those Same Shoes You Are Wearing And It Susks . And Honestly It Feels Like Your Life Is Being Ripped Right Out Your Chest. I Hope I Never Have To Feel The Way You Are Feeling Right Now Ever Again In My Life.I Feel Sorrow For You And I Hope You Get Some Meds Or Some Kind Of Treatment.thanks For Reaching Out. Get Well Asap Caseygirl!!

Hey Rock,

First I want to say that in no way can I relate to exactly what your going through but I just wanted to share my own personal experiences with you. When I was 14 we moved from Minneapolis, Minnesota to Lansing, Michigan, which was like leaving heaven to go straight to hell. I lost all my friends, and I was never close to either of my parents so I couldn't ever say anything to them. Not that they would have listened anyway. My dad would probably have just called me something because that was the kind of coward he was. To this day I still don't get along with my dad but that's because of several other things not related to this move.

Anyway I wound up in Lansing and had no friends for the next couple of years. Literally none. I had no family and the closest living thing I had was our dog. The harder I tried to make friends the more rejection I seemed to face. This started a cycle for me and eventually I just gave up. I quit studying and although not much I did start skipping school. The cycle got worse.

The funny thing was is that when I gave up trying to be friends with people I somehow got some. Looking back I guess I realize that I was trying so hard that I was turning people off. Plus high school is the furtherest thing from real life. Once high school ends you NEVER see 99% of those people EVER again.

But I had no business graduating high school but I barely did. I went to college and almost flunted out of there until I took a course on the human brain and motivation. I wound up graduating with a 3.5 GPA and two Bachelor degrees. I'm not 30 years old and an asst. manager for 2 hotels and 3 restaurants.

Like I said, this story is not even close to what your going through but I just wanted to tell you that I was 14 once and had no friends, living in a strange place. I didn't have parents that cared, and one parent who went out of his way to make me feel horrible on a daily basis. I barely got out of high school and yet I was able to turn it around. I've been 14 and lonely. I've had and still do have horrible parents but all these factors outside of you can't be your barametor for who you are. You have to be bigger than your situation, and I'm living proof that if you are great things can happen. Set and imagine some long term goals for yourself and work backwards from them to where your at and you can go farther than you ever imagined. I guarantee it. Can you find success over night? The truth is probably not. Can you find it in the future and make everything your going through worthwhile. You bet.