I separated and now divorced my children both boys live with their father. The eldest son is turning 21 this year and his brother who is 19 rang me and asked if I could contribute money towards his brothers present. The eldest son has not spoken to me for over 2 years as his family home had to be sold cause of the bank's decision and he blames me. I have rang my eldest son and he hung up as soon as he heard my voice. I left it a few days then I text messaged him thinking it might change but he has not responded to my text messages. All responses to this problem will be greatly appreciated. Thank You

If you would like to contribute to the gift, do so. Be sure to sign any card that goes along with it.

If you prefer to send a gift from you alone, you could do that. He may leave it unopened or try to return it. He may hold onto it and open it at a later time.

Being in on a joint gift will prevent him from being able to do so however, so that may be a better choice. I would also send him another text, e-mail, voice message, or a card in the post from you alone telling him that you were thinking about him and wanted to wish him a happy birthday.

Communicate with his brother regularly, and he may eventually be the one to get through to his brother and influence a change of heart.

Continue to reach out now and then to your eldest son, and hopefully, in time, he will come around as he gets older and more mature.