Basically I moved to NC to fix my life after mourning the death of my ex boyfriend in very unhealthy ways like drinking and not eating. I came down here and really started to feel better and eventually met my now husband. We were friends at first and then dated, got engaged, etc. At first we seemed so compatible and he never complained about anything about me. Yes I had piercings, bleach blonde hair (my hair is naturally blonde anyways), and 2 tattoos but it was never an issue then. As our relationship evolved he wanted the piercing gone, then for me to have a darker shade of blonde hair, for me not to tan, or have friends of my own. He has totally changed me and I do blame myself for letting him but honestly he wants me to be this cookie cutter Taylor Swift type wife and that is never who I have really been. I have always been a free spirit until I met him. I love him but how long can you let someone control you? Last January I got pregnant and he forced me to have an abortion also because he didn't want to dissapoint his mom even though WE are married. I had to go through that ordeal and he even said he hated me and that I ruined his life when he first found out. He did eventually apologize but it was months and several hospital stays for me for major depression after and even when I was in the hospital his mom was telling him to divorce me because I was depressed. I just don't know what to do. My sister passed away two months before our wedding and he couldn't even kneel down and pray with me in front of the casket because he claimed he doesn't like dead bodies, but he didn't like my sister when she was alive. He says he wants to be with me but why all the restrictions on who I am? We don't have any kids yet so I don't see the problem if I want to tan, or get my nails done, or even get a piercing or tattoo for that matter. What should I do?

I think if he really loved you and wanted to be with you, he would let you be who you are and let you have the kid if you wanted to. I'm not an expert on law where you come from, but in Norway the girl is the boss when it comes to abortion or not. So my point is that if he restrict the real you and doesn't want you to be who you really are you should drop him. His mother coming between the two of you is also a bad thing. So maybe you should listen to his mother for once and divorce him?

How much time passed between the death of your ex and meeting your husband?

How long did you date before marrying him?

I'm thinking rebound.

I met my husband about two months after my ex died and we started dating a couple weeks after that. We got married on our two year anniversary. What do you think?

I wouldn't let anyone tell me to have an abortion unless it was something I wanted--period. I wouldn't care if he was my husband, or the Pope himself and if they didn't like MY CHOICE then I would show him to the door with my piercing and bleached blonde hair!!

You're a grown woman, you know how short life can be. It is your choice if you want to stay with this man or leave him. No matter what you need to get some counseling, you need the opportunity to mourn the loss of your boyfriend, and your sister, but now the loss of choice. You need to get yourself back on track. You can't go back and change the past, but you can heal and move forward with your life.

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Originally Posted by LifesabeachNC

Did I Marry the Wrong Guy?

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Yes, it certainly sounds like it.

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Originally Posted by LifesabeachNC

I love him but how long can you let someone control you?

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You never let anyone control you for any period.

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Originally Posted by LifesabeachNC

He says he wants to be with me but why all the restrictions on who I am?

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Because he is a control freak just like his mother. He probably thinks if you tone down your looks (piercings, bleached blonde, tanning, no more tatoos) his mother may finally accept you. He is wrong. If she doesn't like you now, she won't change her mind just because you change your outward appearance. The fact that she was pushing him to divorce you after her son forced you to abort her own grandchild is all the proof you need to tell you exactly where you will always stand with her.

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Originally Posted by LifesabeachNC

What should I do?

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Divorce him. He forced you to abort his child that you wanted to keep! What the heck does that tell you? At minimum it tells me he doesn't love you as much as he claims to. At maximum, he and his mother have too much of a dependency upon each other and there is no room for you in that picture. Get rid of the creep and his mommy. Reclaim your life and find someone who accepts you for who you are, will love you for who you are, whose family will love you for who you are, and will be ecstatic when you are pregnant with his child!

Yes you married the wrong guy.
You married a man who controls you, who made you abort a child. It would have been enough for me for him to even suggest it.
I think you need to divorce him and then seek some counseling. You have been through a lot. Your going to need the help in healing.
I wish you well.

I agree with Just_Another_Lemming and Homegirl 50. This guy is no good for you. You have to keep in mind that you are suffering from depression which is an illness that needs time to heal. You might not be able to go through a divorce right away and you don't have to until you are emotionally ready. But you should keep it in your mind and start making plans to free yourself. Thinking of the future is hard during depression and when you are mourning the loss of your ex-boyfriend, sister, and your un-born baby. Give yourself some time to recover and in the meantime don't waste any more of your heart on this guy who isn't good husband/father material anyway.

Yes you married the wrong TYPE of guy.

What you are faced with, is feeling controlled, and that if you don't compromise to please others, to the point of losing yourself, you will be left on your own.

Sort of between a rock and a hard place.

You could comply, or should I say, continue to comply with your husband and his mothers' wishes. Do as they say, look as they want you to, behave to their standards, agree to dump your friends. You could also accept that your husband did not support you when your sister died, and in fact, was a total and complete boorish selfish man. In accepting any of this, you also accept that your future will be more of the same.

Controlling people always set new goals for you. You could change your hair colour, and comply with all the personal demands made upon you, and then it would be, you need to wear longer skirts, more sweaters, no makeup, and no nailpolish. Be prepared to continue to compromise who you are, until you eventually just don't care anymore. You will merely be a reflection in the mirror of somebody you thought you knew.

If you have been clinically depressed in the past, are you currently on medication, and, do you also have counselling on your agenda, independent of that. If you don't, please ask your doctor for a referral for counselling, and seek guidance and advice on how to judge yourself, your life, and your future. You need to be strong in your own thinking, before you can take control.

I suspect that the depression, and your past traumatic events, at the time you met your (now) husband, was no accident. You may have been vunerable, needy, insecure, alone, and lost- who wouldn't have been. That is exactly the type of person that a controlling person looks for.

I see hope for you that you are recognizing enough strength in yourself, that you are considering your options. When you met your husband, you may not have had the strength, that you do now. Take that strength and run with it, do your homework, and look toward a future, under your own steam.

If you think you can regain your independence, you most certainly can.