Ask Me Help Desk - What does this mean ?

I have been seeing a girl for 2 to 3 months we had a split last year for a week she got back in touch and we went out together again until last Friday.

I spent christmas with her and her family we had a good time, we went out on NYE and things were mainly fine ( she was dancing with an ex of hers I went to the toilet came back and he was holding onto her hips and dancing with her) last Friday she said that she had been thinking about an ex of hers called ben who had hurt her by being violent through drink and drugs she broke up with him twice and saw other people but took him back and then broke up again then found me she has been split from him for around 8 or 9 months.

She text him and then met him on Thursday night ( after seeing me and saying that she was going home as she was tired and not feeling well) she said that they talked and that he wanted her back and that he is not happy with his current girlfriend, they kissed but nothing else.

We spoke about this on Friday night I was really cool about it and talked her feelings through for her ex she says that we need to break up as she is still in love with him and even though she doesn't feel tat he is going to be good to her she still loves him, she says that she finds me attractive and that she cares for me but she doesn't want to be unfair to me by remaining in a relationship while she still loves him.

She asked me if I would forgive her for kissing him and I said yes as long as you break contact and don see him again, but the next day she then said we are still broken up I'm so confused as to what is actually going on how can she be so hot then cold and how and why did she ever contact him in the first place. Is she testing me or something.. please help I'm really confused as to what to do...

Perhaps she is having a problem with trust because of how she was treated by one of the ex. I don't think you should keep forgiving her, that simply validates what she is doing. And what she is doing is wrong and hurtful to you, and she needs to understand that. She has been hurt, she will understand once you explain that you can't just stand still for this kind of behaviour because it is very upsetting.

Stand up to her, tell her to make her mind up about who she wants to be with. And be prepared to walk away and get on with your life.

Life is tough enough sometimes without us deliberately putting up with other people making it even more difficult for us.

Dude, Man up! Leave her. She has left you and you need to move on, you will only hurt yourself more by hanging on to what could be. Cut her out!!

I think you may be best to go for NO CONTACT with this girl, it sounds as if she is not over this guy and you are going to end up getting hurt and caught in the cross fire if you are not careful... She has told you that she still LOVE's the other dude, which means that the feelings you have for her are not the same as she has for you!

This other guy sounds like a real P@@@@ and a woman beater, its hard but you have to let her go if you really love her and if she wants to be with the other guy, so she can see with her own eyes what an A@@ this guy is.

From what has happened to this girl with this other guy, I'm not shocked that her head is all over the place at present, that's why you need to go for no contact give her space to work things out into being clear in her own head, you can't make some one feel the same for you as you may do for them.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

i have been seeing a girl for 2 to 3 months we had a split last year for a week she got back in touch and we went out together again untill last friday.

I spent christmas with her and her family we had a good time, we went out on NYE and things were mainly fine ( she was dancing with an ex of hers I went to the toilet came back and he was holding onto her hips and dancing with her)

Honestly, I’m all for letting your girlfriend dance with someone but when it’ an ex and they start holding each other she’s just flat out being disrespectful to you. Then to do it in front of you shows she has no maturity and quite frankly no concern for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by craigusw

last friday she said that she had been thinking about an ex of hers called ben who had hurt her by being violent through drink and drugs she broke up with him twice and saw other people but took him back and then broke up again then found me she has been split from him for around 8 or 9 months.

She has severe emotional problems. Most women claim the reason they stay in those situations is because they can’t get out. Well she got out twice and wants to go back again.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

She text him and then met him on thursday night ( after seeing me and saying that she was going home as she was tired and not feeling well)

In other words, after making excuses and lying to you. The worst thing you can start doing for yourself now is making excuses for her behavior. She lied to you. She lied to about where she was going to be. She lied to you about who she was going to be with. She’s a liar. She can’t be trusted.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

she said that they talked and that he wanted her back and that he is not happy with his current girlfriend, they kissed but nothing else.

Well she’s lying. They did more. Second, get real and look at this woman’s character or rather her severe lack of character. She is about to interfere with another couple and cause a break up. And she is hooking up a with a guy that she knows is capable of cheating, so she’s only setting herself up for more pain and failure down the road.

Quote:

Originally Posted by craigusw

we spoke about this on friday night i was really cool about it and talked her feelings through for her ex she says that we need to break up as she is still in love with him and even though she dosent feel tat he is going to be good to her she still loves him,

So she’s stupid.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

she says that she finds me attractive and that she cares for me but she dosent want to be unfair to me by remaining in a relationship while she still loves him.

She’s trying to let you down easy and set up on the back burner when this doesn’t work out or she gets knocked around again so she has someone to come complain to.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

she asked me if i would forgive her for kissing him

HUGE MISTAKE. You did not need to offer her any forgiveness. From the woman’s stand point it showed you as weak. From a moral stand point she screwed you over.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

and i said yes as long as you break contact and don see him again,

Craig, you are smarter than this, you know she’s going to see him again. She told you what you wanted to hear because she wants a back up plan.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

but the next day she then said we are still broken up im so confused as to what is actually going on how can she be so hot then cold and how and why did she ever contact him in the first place.

She likes to play games. With you she can play and win. With him she can’t. What she’s doing is attempting to break him down because he’s a challenge to her. With you she wants you on the back burner so that when he moves on she can have you as a back up plane.

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Originally Posted by craigusw

is she testing me or something ..please help im really confused as to what to do ...

She’s not testing you, she’s using you. You are the back up plan. When the guy that beats her up is done with her she can come to you for emotional support and you’ll always be there forgiving her. Let her go forever NOW before you get sucked further into this mess

It's hard to know for sure what's going on here. But I wouldn't waste time and energy worrying about that. You need to stay away from her and forget about her. Get busy and pursue an active life, without her. Don't call, IM or e-mail her. Let her miss you and wonder what you're up to. You don't need to deal with her nonsense so don't. Meet and date other people.

Unfortunately my friend your finding out that every woman you like just may not be good for you. She is one of those. Be glad she has other things to do and leave her and her mixed up life alone. She is nothing but trouble. Save yourself the drama. You just don't know how close you came to getting totally screwed up.

Defintely loose her she's playing the both of you. Tell her that you need to break up Because she needs to figure stuff out for herself. An tell Her you Can't have us both its one or the other. She needs to make up her mind.

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Originally Posted by He_comes_with_baggage

Defintely loose her shes playing the both of you. Tell her that you need to break up Because she needs to figure stuff out for herself. An tell Her you Can't have us both its one or the other. She needs to make up her mind.

Ok well she is meant to be coming over tonight to swapp our stuff over she was meant to be here at 6 but she has text to say there is a problem with her keys she has left them in the house. Anyway I really don't know what to say to her I'm thinking I should just swapp our stuff and ask her to leave but if she insigates a reconciliation then I also don't know what to say, idont know ill prob just say I need time to think or something it still hurts

Disappear dude. I wouldn't even see her on the swap.

When she danced with that guy you should have put her in her place right then and there. It was a test - and you were soft about it.

", idont know ill prob just say i need time to think or something it still hurts
" - NO way!! Quit being a 'nice guy' - you've let this gal walk all over you and she has. Ughhhhh - thave her leave your stuff and you leave her stuff.

Let her know she's done wrong!! No talking - not on her tertms.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Disappear dude. I wouldn't even see her on the swap.

When she danced with that guy you should have put her in her place right then and there. It was a test - and you were soft about it.

", idont know ill prob just say i need time to think or something it still hurts
" - NO way!!!! Quit being a 'nice guy' - you've let this gal walk all over you and she has. Ughhhhh - jus thave her leave your stuff and you leave her stuff.

Let her know she's done wrong!!! No talking - not on her tertms.

OK well she has just been round I tried to get answers but she just fobbed me off so I basically explained how I thought that she was an immature callious, selfish stroppy teenager (shes 25 bty) who needs to grow up I asked if she wanted to sort things out as she left and she said that she would only be bad to me again so I said that that was an excuse and that we are all in control of ouselves and that if she didn't want to hrut me then she didn't have to, it all basically ended up that she feels that she still doesn't know weather or not she wants to be with her ex but its plainly obvious that she doesn't want me so time to move on. And in all of this she when I asked her stuff about how she felt she said that she was a b%%ch and that she doesn't understand why she has suddenly changed she said that I have done know wrong in this, and that the reason why she started looking around was that she felt crowded in our relationship I said we could have sorted that out easily (again feels like an excuse) all what she did was just agree by saying I know iknow, she is coming across as if she is confused and she did say that things have gone to far now to go back I gave her her chance and she never took it so that's it were over...