Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend

I have been in relationship with my boyfriend since 3 years now. But now I feel he has lost the attraction he had in me before 3 years . Since one year we are living in together , he is 24 and I am 22. For me every time I see him , I feel like loving him , I feel like it's the first day I saw him-and still I want him but for him ,when we talk about sex ,its just a reason to satisfy his ejaculation ,which can be taken on max situations or if he is reallly in mood of loving me ,we have sex. Not only its because of sex ,but also his feelings are just vanished.he does not even care if he had a fight , I am lying besie him and I am crying ,he will never turn to me and ask me to stop crying or he will never talk about the problem.the moment we have a problem , I always have the habit of talking about it so that the situation is resolved , but he will never talk about it ,instead he will keep quiet and let me talk or shout.Yesterday he was out on his work ,I called him because I was upset with something , and asked him ,when he is coming back ,he shouted at me and said " i am already late today for my calls,my few calls are cancelled because of you ,coz you woke up late".Then I controlled myself and started working ,after an hour he called me and said he is going to some friends enagagement party and I was shocked then when he came back home I asked him about it , he said if doubting me for a girl ,then I can let you speak with my friend with whom I am going to the party. I said no , I donot want to talk to your friend ,he dialed his friends number and put the speaker on,and told him that my girlfriend is doubting me ,where m I going? his friend replied if she has some dout you can bring her too after this he forced me to come with him to the party , an I felt insulted.he came back home late and bought me something to eat ,then he started smiling at me ,and wanted me to get rid of the situation but I told him that I felt insulted, he just said that I was nt insulting you , I was trying to let you know that I was not going with sum girl.I feel so helpless that its always me only who is compromising , he will do whatever he wants , whenever he wants he will talk to me , love me and whenever he doesn't wants me he will ignore me .should I keep on compromising as girls are meant for it or should I consult som psychaetrist as I am going mad that why he does not wants me any more an dislikes everything of me

Its really hard to say if he is just the way he is, and you are more emotional than he seems to be, or if he is actually ignoring you as you say. I don't think he cares less, but he may be at a loss as to what to do about your feelings. Maybe the way you express thing to each other has changed, and maybe you both need to adjust yourselves better to understand each other, or maybe it's the ongoing need to communicate with each other more. I just don't know, but obviously the way you process, and perceive the actions of one another has to be addressed in a calm rationale way.

Its very clear that you may not be on the same page with the way you both talk or listen to each other and that's to be expected, as living together is an ongoing process of adjusting to change, and situations.

Home - Five Love Languages

This site may help you understand better what I mean about how you communicate with each other better.

It would be helpful if you could be more descreptive.

I think you should tell him all that you said here. If he wanted to stay with you and he loves you, he'll understand. But to me this sounds like he doesn't much care for you as he once did. :(

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Comment on talaniman's post
It would be helpful if you could be more descreptive.

I think my point is that all us humans have our own way of expressing ourselves and handling different situations. That's the challenge of any couple in developing communications and understanding. You are emotional, and he is not. You expect him to know what to do about your feelings and he does not.

That's where misunderstandings, and conflicts arise because, we don't know how we should react to our partners, and often can take the lack of the right words or actions, as less love or caring. Instead, a more direct approach is needed, like telling him what you need, when you need it, and how you need it.

It may take years to be able to understand each other and most guys get it through repetition of being told the facts, because we may not have the tools to understand what a female is saying to them. You may as well be speaking an alien language to us and who can know why you cry unless you tell them??

Yeah, us guys are a lot of work aren't we?? But I bet you would be a lot better off if you females could understand our NON VERBAL ways of communicating.

Pay attention, we have our own way of saying we love you!!