Well me and my girlfriend met in high school we were complete opposites in many ways and had a 3 year age difference her being 14 and me 17, eventually we started going out but our freedom at the time was minimal since both our parents were the strict kind and we thought it would cause conflict with how different we were too. We use to meet up everyday and as time went on we got more freedom as I met all her family and got along with them but there was always issues between her brother and a few of her friends and me. We never took this serious and just worked around it as her brother didn't live at home. The only other problems we had during this time was she wasn't use to the hole commitment thing and wouldn't realise when she done something wrong but she was always keen on improving and learning and said we should talk wenever something's wrong to fix it.

This carried on and we got closer and closer up till about 2 years, then we had this one talk about how there was some changes she wanted badly and didn't want to wait on, she wanted to be a part of my family but my family only consists of my brother and dad and there the kind that done there own thing everyday no bonding or family time at all. But her family was the hole family dinner/vaction/trip type so she always had a hard time understanding why I found it hard to do certain things with my family. Although I fitted in well into her families lifestyle. Another thing she is a very sensitive type of person who wants to show there deepest feeling and our love in public but I was more the opposite with the whole hiding your emotions and that showing feelings made you weak (due to my neighbourhood and rough childhood) but to her I always fully opened up its just when other people were involved I wouldn't. Another thing she really hated is she would want to organise plans weeks prior but with my lifestyle I was use to planning things as they came, I would try to split time between my friends and my girlfriend equally and told her to do the same but she would want to be with me 80% of the time.

Now coming only our 3year anniversary her being 17 and me 20, everything was going smooth up until now only times we would argue is when any female tried to talk to me she had a jelousy issue. We had a romantic outing for our 3year she was happy, we were very committed at this point always talking about our future and her always talking about when we can have a baby and things. A lot of my close friends were all in long term relationships too so we could go out as couples now and then and she got close with a lot of my friends although I still wasn't close with hers. It was a week before our end of year exams/tests and she said she needed to talk and out of no where said she can't do this anymore and that we are just TOO different for each other. That she wanted the following changes but she didn't want to wait any more... do things with my family, me being close with her friends, me making more commitments, me showing affection in public. So after a big talk we decided to keep it going and try fix the issues but agreed it would take a few weeks due to exams.

Once exams had finished she str8 away said she needed to talk again and it ended up being the same reasons. So it officially ended over those reasons how she didn't want to wait for any changes and that she needed space but our relationship is not want she wants at this time. I spend the next day deperessed thinking about everything and it was a big reality check for me, I changed a lot of things that day and the next to represent a new better me and spent those days with a lot of friends talking to them about it half telling me to fight for her back and others to give her space and she would come back. So the next 3 days after that I started doing romantic things for her everyday to do with special memories we had that I would never normally do, her sister was telling me when she saw these things she would break down and cry. After the 3rd day her friend came on Facebook and I had a big talk about everything to her and she told me to stop the romantic things and give her space.

So I accepted that and didn't make any contact for about 4 days, then on Facebook my girlfriend started talking to me saying when I want to swap back a few of our belongings we had and then the conversation went to what we have been up too and what we done in the weekend, and through it she tried to assure me that there's no other guy in the picture that she's just been with friends. The next day I went over to her house to swap back a few things and we ended up talking for about an hour about the same things, nothing to do about the old 'us' though, and she brought up if we should be friends or if its too soon.

Since then its been about 3 days which comes to now, we have been talking on Facebook about once a day when we were both online, we talk as friends but there a bit of flirting now and then and reminiscing about things we no about each other if the topics came up through chat. When we were talking about me going to the clubs she sort of got jelous saying am I going to find me some girls and I said no way and made it clear its not what I wanted but I asked her it back, she said the same saying guys have been tryna talk to her now that she's single but she's been denying them all (thats the kind of girl she is when girls try to be smooth with her)

That leaves me to where I am now, I really want her back and to show her that I can change and that I'm much more serious about it now that I've had a big reality check. All her friends that are support her dislike me so tell her to move on but my friends that she knows well have tried talking sense into her that these small reasons arnt worth a break up. What should I do now should I keep talking to her and flirt more maybe give her signs? Or do I play it cool until she makes the moves? Ive been hesitant to wait too long though since in about 20 days she goes overseas for a month plus its my birthday in a week and she's alredy said she would come hang out for a little.

Life sucks after a break up, and its even worse when you still talk to them (as friends of course, and always at their suggestion), hoping they will take you back and work to fix things between you. That's wishful thinking, especially with well meaning friends, and family telling you to do one thing or another.

Stop talking to her, and texting, and face booking, and do what you did before you met her, and even though it will be miserable, you will avoid the confusion of false hope and begin to see that you need to stand for yourself, and not be strung along by her wishes to keep you in her life as a friend, without telling you the whole story of why she can't take you back.

Now you can ask her straight up why she doesn't want you back, and skip the idle chit chat, but why bother?

Quote:

---

... and she brought up if we should be friends or if its too soon

---

She was quite clear my friend, and when that happens, its time to go because her mind is made up, and she will be less and less available as time goes on. But you will be more confused, and stuck on her. Not fair, and that's why you make a decision to get over what you had and enjoyed, but realize its over. Fun while it lasted, but it will not come back the way it was.

No, she is not stringing you along on purpose, but she IS slowly weaning herself off the romance, while having a friendship. Yes it sucks when that happens, but that's why you put your need first, and its NOT to get her back, but to HEAL, and be able to move on with dignity, and self respect.

There will be others later, but you have to recover from this loss first, and it does take time to get over such a long term relationship, (did I say it sucks) but you will. She may not understand why you have chosen to disappear from her life, but you will. Its too soon to be friends, just because it makes the hurt even worse for YOU!!!

Yeah thanks for that a lot of good things that help me realize more that I have to move on and put myself first. The main reasons I was confused is certain things she says to her friends or my friends which ends up coming to me. For example when she has talking to me on Facebook she keeps saying everydays hard for her and she breaks down when she's not out with her friends.

I also did ask her when we broke up I said "be straight with me no games whats the main reason you dont want this to keep going" and her answer was "we are too different and all theres alot of changes i want but i dont want to wait anymore, but i just need space! who knows where we will be in a year or two".

Also one of my friends is in a relationship with one of hers and I've been out with him and some of her friends just the other day and she got jelous about that. She's been saying other girls commenting me again and she's been getting jelous about them too how she use to do when we were together.

That's why I'm just confused with all the things she's doing it seems like she stills wants to be in contact with me with a slight chance of realizing what she's done. Or is this just false hope playing with my mind.

Break up is the worst thing that can happen to any one and it hurts like hell... I can`t understand what exactly she is trying to do with you but she is just playing with your feelings dear... she is very clear what she wants from life... in your case your wounds are too fresh to be friends if I would give you mt example me and my boyfriend broke from a 3 yrs relationship and it still hurts me still I am not in the state of being friends with him... hear break is really hard so please give yourself some time adapt a no contact policy and please don`t meet on you b`day it's a special day for you so enjoy with the people who loves you. I know the reason for breakup was really silly but they are not the exact reasons the were just to tel you and to break up with you... so leave things here get out of her life with a dignity and self respect for yourself... GIVE Yourself TIME and leave her and find a better person for yourself...

an update to the situation.. its now been one month since the break up and since then I have started to get over her slowly, had a few flings and been hanging out wit my friends but she often talks to me on Facebook initiated the conversation which we talk like we're 'friends'..

I ended up seeing her at the mall this one day and she said my hair was scruffy and she will re-do it if I want (she use to braid my hair) and I said I didn't mind and went our ways. Later that day she texted me if I wanted my hair done again and to come over if I did and I ended up going. So I went over and after she done it we sat around watching TV and talking like friends but it was clear neither of us wanted me to go home. So we went into her room to go on the computer and she was lying in bed then suddenly she started crying breaking down saying "you dont know how hard its been for me and this is all too much". So I offered to go but she begged me to stay so I told her to talk to me about it. We talked about everything and she was saying that she has seen that I have changed for the better but thinks that its not permanent and ill go back to my old ways but you could tell she wasn't sure. After she recovered from that she went back to her 'lets just try move on' mode and I ended up going home once she went to bed since she was home alone.

the next morning she texted me saying sorry about last night it was all too much and that if I ever want to talk she will always be there but added (friends) then said the usual have a good day :) after that we went back to the usual talking on Facebook every one or two days until a few days ago.

we were talking and both clearly hinting to each other that we are in the 'mood' and we talking about if we could just do it but that's as far as it goes. Still friends after or friends with benefits at the most so she ended up coming over. After we were done we just hung out for a little while I tried to treat her as a friend since that was the agreement but whenever her face was close to mine she would randomly give me a kiss on the cheek like the old days. I didn't really react to this and kept acting like a friend and after a while she went home but there was no hug or kiss just a simple "cya".

the day after I've seen that she's been trying to talk to a lot more guys on Facebook and not talk to me. 2 days past and she ended up talking to me again saying its been a while how have I been, that day I saw her at the mall again and we ended up texting for a few hours and talking on fb again that night about the 1 month trip she's going on in 2 days. I suggested if I came for a week just as friends since that was the plan in the past but again she saying no since we won't be able to move on.

I'm curious to how she's feeling. I know the best thing to do is just leave it and get on with my life or cut all contact but from what I've said how do you guys think she's feeling? Does she still care about me or is she having 2nd thoughts at all? I was her first and we were both each others first love by the way. But yeah I just want to know realistically what my chances of getting her back is. Maybe this 1 month trip seeing her family will give her good thinking time or put the final nail in the coffin forgetting me..

Threads merged


I previously made a post that I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years, after about 2 months we ended up getting back together, she took back all the reasons we broke up saying it took her time apart and getting with another guy to realise and she wanted what we use to have.. so after a long talk we both agreed on certain changes and that it will take time to get our relationship on track. After about 3-4 weeks she wanted to break up AGAIN for the same reasons even though that period was sort of rough. Both busy at that time and she had to go overseas for 5days, anyway her reasons now were 'shes confused and needs to find herself' and 'maybe we are too different to have a future' even though we both enjoy and have the same lifestyle and want the same things in the future..

Since then I've played the understanding role since I'm her first proper boyfriend and she had been with me from the ages 14 to 18 not being able to experience her teen years 'freely' or with anything without me. She wanted us to be friends still and never 'lose' me so we had been texting occasionally which turned into daily.. and this was always flirty and caring like we were still together. This went on for a month coming to today, we had 2 occasions where we met up to talk in person as well that resulted in us getting 'together' and spending the hole day together.. plus I had known she was trying to now flirt with guys that had liked her in the past. Anyway I had made it clear that we shouldn't be texting or doing this now that we are apart since its only going to confuse her more but didn't want to lose her you could say so never took action. Until 2days ago where one night I just put it out there that we can't keep doing this and said contact ends now but I sort of took a angry approach to that which I regret. She was begging for adleast minimal or occasional contact but that's when I stopped replying

That brings me to now.. I know she still cares about me but she's definatley confused about what she wants. She's been a mess from what I've seen and what she tells me but has been tryna get her mind off it by spending time with friends and talking to other guys.

Is it smart if I kept texting her and stay there as support or would that kill any chances of a future? Or should I keep up the no contact and if so for how long? I knows she's in the same position as me.. I was thinking to last a week then try text her but yes HELP1!!

I think you go no contact and stick to it.

Your ex's confusion shouldn't have to affect your life-so no more texting,no more talks-and start moving on with your life.

She's young,and may well be confused,but that's her journey now,not yours.

How can either of you get over each other and get healthy again when you are still so wrapped up in each others lives?

I know its hard but leaving each other alone to heal, and get your confused emotions under control is what you both need, especially her.