After 6 years together and moving out twice, we still stay together. He has always accused me of wanting to be with my ex husband, he always thinks I want someone else. He gets insecure when I spend time with my kids and my Mom. I have felt in the past that I can't tell him things with fear of his reaction, so in the past I lied to him about talking to my mom about us or even my friends. We get along fine until I do something to piss him off, like not calling him on my way home from my moms house. Then all he talks about how I decieve him, how he feels in last place in my life. His feelings do matter to me, all I wanted to do is get home so I could see him. He always talks about ending this or for him to be more like me, but claims he loves me more than anyone. Yet, he can't move on from the past, he brings up the past when we fight. He went to the extent before I moved out to hide under our house so he could hear what my phone conversations, yes, he heard me talk about him, how his insecurities affect me, how his accusing bothers me, basically the truth. Instead of confronting me on it he kept listening. I moved out shortly after that. But we stay together. Why? Someone give me some insight please!

He is trying to control you!

He is so insecure in himself that the thought of you being around anyone else gets him jealous and insecure. If you don't stop this now it will end up with you having no family, no friends and just him. Ive seen this happen before and it led to violence, not saying it will your case but he may become so consumed that this may happen.

What I would suggest you do is finish things. He needs to see what he is doing. You can't be in a relationship with someone like that. It isn't a relationship! You need to tell him straight out that it is over and that there is no chance in you getting back.

He needs to realize and change himself and build his confidence. Mean while you need to build yours too and realize that, that situation isn't healthy.

Hope it works out

You can drag him to couples counseling, or leave him permanently. Otherwise, I see no happy future for the two of you.

Instead of living in fear, and walking on eggshells, tell him directly that you can no longer tolerate his behavior, and then back it up with leaving, and staying away if there are no changes.

You have allowed his behavior to affect you, and unless that changes, expect more of the same.

I've been on the other side of this before and I can tell you it's very difficult to get out of. My boyfriend would go out with his friends, I'd get upset. He would fall asleep early or just go out and take a walk, grab a drink with an old friend, I'd think I wasn't important enough for him to stay at home and talk to me (it was a long distance, too) I'd end up crying myself to sleep, thinking how horrible my life was.

After the breakup, I realized there were specific reasons to my insecurities. I was gaining weight (sitting at home all day and waiting for a phone call or chat with him) so I was insecure about my appearance. My life wasn't even close to what I imagined, I hated my job and felt like a failure. He had a social life, a job and I was afraid he'd leave me.

Once the breakup crisis passed, I started to fix everything and once you get your confidence back, it's for good. I'd never ever do that to anyone again (especially to myself.)

What I'm trying to say is, breaking up with him is the best thing you can do for yourself AND for him. You could be surprised how people can change once they realize what they became. And if he doesn't, trust me, you can say you dodged a bullet.

Maybe people shouldn't do things to make their partner jealous. It's like Dr. Phil said, "Don't do things that you wouldn't do in front of your loved one." Well I say, "don't do things that you couldn't do in front of God." If people would be more considerate of their loved ones and not do things they know they don't need to do or things they know would hurt their loved ones feelings then maybe relationships would last much longer. Instead everyone cries and cries and cries for privacy. Well the only person you should have privacy with is your loved one. If you have privacy from that person, then you're being deceptive to the one person you shouldn't be.
Final thought, if you cry about being controlled, maybe you should look at the things you do to make that loved one feel the insecurity and jealousy.
And by the way, it's not controlling for them to ask to know things. It's only controlling when they try to tell you what you can and cannot do. And if you're too stubborn and want to do those things even though it hurts your loved ones feelings, then leave them, because they're stupid for being with someone so inconsiderate to their feelings.