I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 27 years old. We work in the same company and we love each other for 1.5 years. He got his parents' acceptance for our marriage. I told my parents about our love 2 months back. They do all sort of emotional blackmailing. They say "If you want him, go out of this family and never come back. We will shift this place and go somewhere, so that we don't have to face the relatives". I love them too. But I can't marry anyone else for their wish. Its like suicide for me, if I do that. They don't let me anywhere outside, seized my mobile phone and stopped my outside contacts completely. Its like house-arrest. My boyfriend tried to speak to them. But they are insulting him, even without listening. They love me, but only until I listen to whatever they say. All my life, I never had anything I wished for. They bought me everything and done everything a parent must do, but without taking my wish as a major factor. I am totally depressed. I want them to understand me. My brother is young (17 years). So although he approves of me, he can't support me against them. My HR manager spoke to my dad and gave me "work from home". That's why I am able to mail you now. If somebody can do something to make them realize my pain, I will have a life, worth living for. We live in India - Chennai. So, I thought the major problem will be caste. But, as the days pass, I see that their problem is: "What I say must happen - nothing else". I just can't believe this attitude. It creates a lot of mental pressure inside me. I am afraid sometimes, angry sometimes, and I can't believe, I sometimes feel hatredness against them. Please help me with it.

Recently, I got on-site chance from my office. I asked them to let me go, as it is for only 2 months work. Actually, its my long-time ambition to work on-site. I told my parents. They didn't even consider my pleadings and said no and went. I am really have a strong feeling to die, rather than live here. But, my boyfriend will be in worst case depression, if I do something like that. That's the only reason, I am still living. I don't have anyone to speak to. I feel so lonely. I am always crying and nothing brings a smile in me. At times, I think that nobody is needed for me, let me go out of the house and serve whoever is in need of help.

Please help me

Please remember this is only my opinion.
I don't think it's a healthy parent-daughter relationship.

They basically keep you in their house, cutting all contact with "outside world" so to speak. Not approving your relationship and your desire to marry your boyfriend is something, but this is another level. They are threatening you to move somewhere else if you marry him.

Making your family happy should be important for you, as long as they respect you and they want to make you happy the same way. I believe in family values, but I also believe that your family is who you accept as "family." I lived far from mine for 10 years and I love them endlessly, but I found a whole new family when I was away. My friends became closer than any of my cousins would ever be, I spent Christmas with their families and I've been happy that way.

You are lonely and miserable there. You're struggling with all this but I believe if they love you and care about you, they will respect your decision. Be strong.

I can't help but wonder why they hate him so much. Is there any particular reason you can think of?

Its hard for westerners like myself to understand the traditions and cultures of different parts of the world but through this forum I think we all see the changing attitudes of other countries as expressed by younger citizens who want change from the old ways.

Your parents are only protecting you the best way they know how, and in their minds, for your own good. And of course at your age you feel like you should be allowed to do as you please to be happy. That's your conflict, and as hard as it is, you will have to walk the fine line of showing respect to them, and doing what you want. Not easy when you depend on them for everything at this time.

People who are independent can do as they please, and I think when you get to that point, so will you be able to do for yourself. So it seems until you marry, or can stand on your own without help, you will have to follow whatever program the person you depend on has in store for you. Hard to be happy when someone else is making decisions for you, so my advice would be to work toward being able to carve out your own life, so start saving for it now. Then you can pursue what makes you happy on your own.

Heck, what's the difference between your parents keeping you home, and a husband? He sounds like he is about culture and caste as much as your parents are!

Tough choice, between doing what's expected, and doing what you want.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

Wow, I totally missed the line where you mention where you live, my apologies.
I don't know any of the "rules" there, but tal is probably right. Whatever decision you make at the end, if you choose your boyfriend over your family (no matter how much you love him) please make sure he really is the right one for you because if he's not, you will have nowhere to go back to...

Unfortunately, you can't change your parents minds. They told you what they want, so you have to decide whether you want to respect their wishes or go do your own thing.

You may never get their approval to marry this man. You just have to decide which is more important to you. To follow your family wishes or to follow your own wishes.

Comment on talaniman's post

I really thank you all for helping me.. atleast I have someone to speak to. But, what makes you think that my boyfriend is also about culture and caste?
Comment on I wish's post

I want to follow my wishes, with my parents' consent. Are there any ways for that? I am ready to do anything for that.

Because he follows the wishes of your family and his, as do you, but often these are decisions that a couple makes independent of their families in western society, but in yours, your parents may never consent, especially if they feel they can make a better choice for you. As I said, quite a conflict, and a decision to make.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vidya88

Comment on I wish's post

I want to follow my wishes, with my parents' consent. Are there any ways for that? I am ready to do anything for that.

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You may be ready to do anything for that, but your parents may never be ready.